Meet Me in the Dark
by TessaSpencer
Summary: When you fall in a hole, there's always someone who knows the way out - but it's not always who you expect.


1

When Leo began his stroll around the West Wing offices, he reviewed the events of the week. Not unlike most weeks since they had taken office, it had been fast moving and exhausting. First there was the Hoynes fiasco which had popped back up to bite them and then there were the complications of even greater tensions among the staff: Josh was still on leave of absence in Germany, Toby was constantly bouncing little balls against a wall (the bouncing forced the assistants to dodge the pink rubber whenever they brought him a file or a stack of messages), and CJ... CJ was defiantly ok, which was all the evidence anyone needed that she was _not_ ok.

What made the entire situation seem even more insurmountable was that nobody seemed to have a definitive answer as to how they should begin to neutralize the Hoynes situation or at the very least separate themselves from it, and for that there seemed to be even greater division among the staff. Not to mention the fact that everyone felt like they were being pitted against each other.

Earlier in the evening, Leo had spoken to the President, and it seemed as if there was something to be said for listening to his boss. "CJ's got something going on," he said as they walked along the portico towards the residence.

"We all have something going on," Leo shrugged.

"Don't be a smart ass," Jed snapped. "We know what's wrong with Toby—he's feeling betrayed by Will; I think we all know how _that_ feels. Josh is still with Donna at the hospital..."

"We can't make them all sit down around a campfire and decide to love each other again," Leo said dryly.

Jed sighed. "What's going on with CJ though?"

"Well, I suspect it's got something to do with all the recent negative press... You know how she blames herself for everything that ever goes wrong in the pressroom."

Jed laughed his typical throaty laugh that shook walls; recently it hadn't been heard much, but when it was, it was enough to wash over anyone nearby like a wave of relief. "Sure. But it's not just work. There's something there."

Leo shrugged. "And what do you suppose I should do? Want me to give her some time off? A break from us couldn't hurt her, but it might kill us. The press is in a feeding frenzy."

"Time off isn't the only solution, you know? Sometimes I wonder about you," Jed said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "You could go and talk to her? Does that seem like such a strange idea?"

The growing discomfort was getting almost out of hand, he thought, as Leo realized that he was being sent to 'handle' CJ. The only person he couldn't bring himself to 'staff out' and there was something to be done.

"Don't you think it will only make things worse, if I go to talk to her?" Looking at his oldest and dearest friend in the world, Leo hoped that Jed might agree.

"You keep saying you don't have a crush on CJ," Jed teased. "But you still seem to think that avoiding her is a good idea."

It hadn't been much of a secret between the two of them that Leo had a bit of an infatuation with CJ. He'd had it ever since she'd walked into the headquarters in Manchester while they were running 'Bartlet College' around the breakfast table.

The first time Leo had met CJ she was wearing a deep red three-piece suit, with just enough buttons undone that she flashed a respectable amount of cleavage, while her skirt was suitably short enough to let everyone know her legs went on for miles. She had managed to make them all stop in awe when she walked in the room and casually said 'CJ Cregg, here to see Leo McGarry." She had done it; she announced herself, and had made an impression on them all. Little did she know that the Governor would be sitting there, or that the impression she made on Leo would be so long lasting.

Having walked down the same corridor at least three times, Leo tried to muster up some courage. It wouldn't take much, he thought. Just maybe more courage than he could pull together in another lap of the hallway.

Finally, Leo took a deep breath and made his way to her office. The sooner he got it over with, the sooner he could head back to his office and pretend he really didn't have any feelings for his press secretary.

Standing in the doorway, Leo looked in at CJ sitting behind her desk, obviously very focused on the task at hand. For eleven o'clock at night, she seemed much too engrossed in whatever she was doing. "Hey kiddo. You ok?" It wasn't exactly the most subtle way of asking, but then again, it was a start, right?

"Why wouldn't I be?" She realized, too late, that by replying so quickly, she'd probably just answered his question. There wasn't even a moment's pause to look up and see who it was. It wouldn't matter who, she rationalized, because her answer would remain the same. Why waste precious time looking up?

"I don't know, but you don't seem very ok." He managed to utter another poorly chosen statement. Next time he would recommend that Abbey be sent down to talk to CJ. Women were privy to a secret way of communicating that eluded him, but at least it would mean that CJ might be comforted, if that's actually what she needed. He wasn't exactly making any headway or gaining any insight as to what was wrong.

"And what, per se, gives you that impression?" CJ asked, looking up with an almost desperate curiosity. She had been doing everything she could think of to hide her...recent distraction and stresses, and yet it didn't seem she was doing a very good job.

"You've not been yourself lately," Leo offered at her inquisitive expression. He rarely made his way into the senior staff's offices anymore, thanks to the increasingly strange happenings in the Oval Office. Still, he wasn't blind. There was something substantial going on with CJ and now, if only because the President had told him to look into it, Leo had a reason to investigate what was going on. After all, if the President had made the request, he was only so interested in what was wrong with CJ because he had been instructed to be. Or at least, it was a shield to hide behind.

"And you know who I am? You know me well enough to say that I've not been myself?"

"I've known you for seven years, CJ. I'd like to think I know who you are..."

"Sure." Looking back down at her desk, she tried not to think about what was going on. Here she was, being asked by her boss if everything was all right, when she knew that even in the most fundamental terms, she was _not._

"I'm serious, CJ. It's not like you to be riding everyone so hard and to be taking beatings in the press room."

"So now you're saying I'm not able to do my job anymore?" The way she glared at him was enough to make him second-guess his wording. She was clearly angry, and he couldn't blame her.

"NO! No, that's not what I'm saying," Leo said, trying to recover. How did she always do that to him? How did she always manage to get him fumbling like a teenage boy on prom night?

"Then you're saying what exactly?"

He was on the spot, and it wasn't something he was very comfortable with. There were a million things Leo could say, none of which would make the circumstances any better. But he had to hope that somewhere in his seemingly unending reserve of statements to be made and uncomplicated 'one-liners' there would be something that would allow him a bit of grace in the situation. "I'm saying that even at your very worst, you're great, but that doesn't change the fact that you're not the same CJ Cregg we all know and love. There's something eating away at you, and I just want you to know that I'm here to help if you want me to."

CJ stared at Leo, her mouth agape at the nerve he was demonstrating by merely being there, let alone assuming she'd let him into her world and so close that he'd be able to see all her demons.

"I'm fine," CJ said, pulling herself together.

"You're not. But when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me." With that, he turned his back to her and headed back to his office.

There was no way he'd be able to get through to CJ unless she wanted him to, and from all the evidence so far, there was no way he was going to be able to break through her defenses. Sighing, Leo thought about how wounded she had seemed at the implication that she wasn't fairing as well as she could be.

It wasn't his idea to upset her further—that was the last thing he wanted to do. It wasn't until he was standing in her office, face to face with the upset that she seemed to be feeling that Leo realized just how out of hand things could be.

2

CJ sat at her desk, tapping her pencil against the wood. Of all the things she had on her list to do that night, arguing with Leo hadn't made the top ten. Hell, it hadn't even made the top fifty. It seemed like no matter how hard she tried to keep up appearances, her life was anything but normal.

"Gail, you know, this is getting insane. Everyone's asking questions. Even Leo was here, did you see that? He shows up and expects me to just spill my guts to him. Can you believe his nerve?" CJ laughed, only marginally amused by the situation, mostly seething at the idea that someone was sent to handle her.

The fish swam another circle around the bowl, watching CJ's finger pass in front of the glass and after seemingly reviewing that it was a safe distance, she swam a little closer.

"And then he as much as accuses me of not being able to do my job, but does he realize that it's not easy to control the press, especially when they all seem to be going nuts about yet another thing we've managed to screw up."

Gail stopped her laps and stared directly at CJ, her little black eyes seemingly concentrating on the woman who fed her.

"You understand, don't you? You know what I mean? How can Leo think I'll talk to him just because he's my boss? After all... he was only here 'cause he thought that it might improve my work performance if he did."

"You don't believe that CJ. Not honestly," a voice said.  
  
CJ looked at the fish in front of her and wondered if she was truly going crazy.

"CJ, it wasn't your damn fish," the voice said, her laughter betraying her as she watched the stunned press secretary.

"Nancy...hi."

"Hi to you too, CJ."

Nancy made her way over to the desk and set a manila folder down. "I brought you the information on the arms deal with Lebanon."

"I requested information on the cancelled state visit to Lebanon." She looked at the older woman, understanding that there was obviously something more involved than just a cancelled trip to the Middle East. They had already cancelled all of their trips since the bombings in Gaza; the only reason she had even asked for information about this particular cancellation was because it was on the first lady's docket as a medical aid trip.

"And I brought you information on the arms deal with Lebanon." Sitting in the chair across from CJ, Nancy smiled at the woman. "Now, care to tell me why you're talking to your fish?"

"She's good company?" CJ tried to laugh it off. Truth be told, Gail was there at the right time, and it didn't seem like she would be able to avoid listening.

"And you're pissed at Leo?"

CJ shrugged. "Not pissed. Frustrated, I guess."

"You know, he wouldn't do anything to intentionally upset you." Nancy tried to gauge CJ's reaction. She had no clue what was going on, but she couldn't say she wasn't intrigued. "He's not the kind of guy to do things just to get a job done. He's got a heart, ya know, CJ."

Feeling more than a little ganged up on, she tossed her pencil toward her sofa. "You know what's funny? Everyone around here pretends to know what everyone else is like, but we don't have a clue. I don't know what you really do outside these walls, and I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity. I don't know what Leo does, and I'm guessing if I don't, you probably don't either. But you still think you _know_ him. Guess what? Odds are you don't. People pretend to know me, and people pretend to care but in the end it all comes down to you only thinking you know me, or Leo. Or anyone for that matter." CJ sighed, wishing the conversation had stayed between her and Gail. At least then there would be no raised voices.

"I don't know what's going on with you, CJ, and I obviously shouldn't say I _know _you, because you've decided that no one does, but remember that of all the people that don't know you, he's one of the people who 'doesn't know' you best. So I'd stop feeling all pathetic if I were you and maybe feel a little blessed that the second most powerful man in the world made a point of letting me know he cared. Especially considering I'm a person he really doesn't know. That shows a lot of heart, CJ. And it shows a lot of character." Nancy stood up. "As for the information on the arms deal, that's for you to know. Tell the press the trip was cancelled for whatever reason you want and we'll go from there."

"Nancy," CJ began, feeling like a sputtering idiot.

"CJ, he's not that kind of guy. He's got a good heart, and we can all see that you're hurting. I won't ask what's wrong, but I will tell you that it's only going to keep getting worse if you keep pushing people away like you just tried with me." Making her way to the door, Nancy looked back momentarily. "Leo's not just trying to get better work out of you—most administrations go through a few press secretaries in their time in office, but your job never looked more secure. I think he's got more than enough faith in your abilities to do your job."

Feeling somewhat awestruck, she watched the National Security Advisor made her way down the hallway and out of sight.

Torn between the need to apologize to Leo and the need to hide under a blanket somewhere never to be seen again, CJ looked around her office and realized that either way she would have to make some kind of decision.

Tossing her coat over her arm, she grabbed her purse and walked into the hall, deciding that wherever she ended up, she'd deal with it when she got there.

3

"You see, I made a mistake a life time ago and now I think I'm finally going to have to pay for it." Standing in Leo's office doorway, she leaned against the doorframe, her long legs crossed. CJ looked defeated and deflated, but there was still something about her that made her entire demeanor sexy as all hell, Leo thought, before snapping himself out of his appreciative perusal of her.

"You say that like you haven't already," Leo said, his voice low, still remembering what she looked like resting in the doorway. She had begun to make her way closer to his desk, which in turn made him think a little harder about what he was going to say. Definitely after the night was over he'd have to think about what the hell was going through his mind. "It's not like mistakes come with a 'get out of jail free' card. We always pay for them one way or another. Some mistakes just cost us less," he said honestly, knowing all too well the cost of mistakes he had made. He could count on one hand the number of mistakes he'd left as debts 'outstanding' through out the years, and her comment seemed to ring close to home.

"Is it crazy to say I have yet to pay a high enough price for the extreme blunder that it was?" CJ looked crumpled as she collapsed into her chair, the stress of the week finally too much for her to feign light-heartedness.

"Have you forgotten that you're talking to me about this one, CJ?" He looked at her sympathetically. "I'm the chief of staff to the President of the United States and a recovering alcoholic; until not that long ago, nobody knew."

"Alcoholics are a dime a dozen in this business," she blurted, too quickly for her own comfort. She hadn't meant to insult him, but it just 'came out'. "I'm sorry," she rushed, noticing that as soon as the words had left her mouth he had appeared crestfallen.

Leo shook his head. "In a way you're right, I guess, but recovering alcoholics in the White House make more than a few people nervous. I'd venture a guess it makes the Republicans antsy to find a good way to use it against me. And I know there are more than a few Democrats that aren't thrilled with me."

CJ thought about what she had said to Leo, about alcoholics and realized that she could say the same thing about people like her. There had been dozens of women, at minimum, who had affairs with the powerful men who flooded the city, and even more damning was the fact that she hadn't been John Hoynes' only mistress; CJ had been one of many through the years. She was as easily a dime a dozen as any Boston-Catholic alcoholic. The thought made her snicker aloud; she was a dime a dozen whore.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm no better..."

"Than?" Holding her attention, Leo watched, noting that her eyes were less intense than usual. Instead of her usual charisma, she was carrying around what could best be described as the weight of the world, and for whatever reason, it seemed to be up to him to change it.

"I'm no better than the people I loathe," she said, falling back into the chair.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not especially..."

"_Need _to talk about it?" Leo this time didn't give her an out. CJ spent her days crafting messages and she knew how to say the right thing at the right time. Her masterful ability to say only that which was needed had never been a doubted, but if he gave her a question she couldn't talk her way through, she might just have to open up.

"We all _need_ something. Doesn't mean we deserve it. Besides, even if you could give it to me right now, it's not your job." Her eyes shifted from his, as she adjusted the hem of her skirt. It was easier to play with the material than to focus too intently on him.

"Are you asking for a kidney, or a friend? Because being your friend, although it's not a part of my job, is very much a part of what I want to do. So if you'd let me..."

CJ's heart was beating at a mile a minute pace, and for what seemed like the first time that evening, she didn't know if she would be able to speak if she wanted to. There was a glimmer in his eyes that made her feel like he understood her, even though he didn't know what was going on.

"Leo, I appreciate..."

"Don't brush me off CJ. Whatever you think you have yet to pay for, I know that it's not as bad as you think. You're not the kind of person to..."

"You keep assuming you know me, Leo, and you don't. How do you know that it's not that bad? What makes you think I'm not capable of doing something so far out of the realm of probability that it'd shock you?" Shaking, she felt like her heart had just about stopped for a moment, mortified that she had yelled at him.

"Did you do anything to intentionally hurt someone? Did you do anything with the intent to benefit from someone else's pain? Because I feel relatively certain that you wouldn't have, and since you've not said anything, I'm sure you didn't."

She wasn't sure if it was his faith in her or if it was more a matter of just having someone to actually talk to, but she felt her defenses slowly breaking down with the first of her tears.

"Oh, Ceej, don't cry," Leo made his way around to her and wrapped his arms around her. Of all the things he thought he'd spend his day doing, consoling CJ never made the list, and now that he was holding her, he wasn't certain he could let her go. Guiding her over to the sofa, he continued to hold her while she cried, and though he didn't know what had been slowly eating away at her, Leo knew that CJ had paid the price for her actions; the guilt she was feeling was debt paid in full.

Stroking his hand along her back, Leo tried not to let himself get carried away. He was merely trying to comfort her but his heart was screaming something else.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to pull herself together.

"Don't be," Leo said quietly, wiping the tears on her face away gently with the pads of his fingers. "This is what friends are for."

CJ nodded and took a deep breath. "I've made some glaring mistakes through the years."

"So have I, CJ, but it doesn't make you any less of a great person."

"I think my mistakes might."

"I don't think you understand how much we all love you—there isn't anything you could tell us to change that." He wondered if there was such a thing as too honest, and if there was, had he already passed that point by just showing up in her office?

"Well, let's hope so."

"You want to talk some more?"

CJ thought about it for a moment, her heart practically beating out of her chest. Truth be told, talking was the last thing she wanted to do, but that urge had already gotten her in trouble once before. Still, she couldn't help herself as she moved closer to Leo and pressed her lips against his.

Leo was caught off guard. He had never anticipated kissing her, and in a split second he pulled back, shock clearly evident on his face. His hands, as if they had a mind of their own, had found their way to her hips, and in clarity he pulled them back into his pockets as if they were on fire.

CJ opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say.

Saved by the bell, she thought, as the phone began to ring in its cradle.

Leo fumbled his way over to the phone and picked it up.

"Yes?" He looked at CJ and stared at her lips, wondering how he had let things get that out of control. He had been meaning to comfort her, but that was a little more than comfort. "Margaret, I've told you a million times to go home... I don't _know_ when I'm going home, so you probably shouldn't be so daft as to wait for me." Sighing, Leo thought about his next move, and realized that it was later than any of them should have been there, and if for no other reason than to get three uninterrupted hours of rest everyone should be going home. "Look, I'm gonna leave in a few minutes. I just have to give CJ the opportunity to pick up her stuff from the office, and then I'll drop her off on my way home, so you might as well head out."

CJ looked up at the mention her name, still wondering where that kiss had come from and if it was possible that it was more than just two people feeling vulnerable. When she processed that Leo had intended to drive her home, she panicked. Was she just re-entering the same cycle as she had with Hoynes?

When Leo hung up the phone, he brushed his fingers through his sandy hair and smiled at her. "Go get your things; we'll get out of here..."

"Uh, Leo..." CJ looked rather stunned and more than a little unsure of what to say.

"CJ, you've had a horrible day and I don't think you're going to be able to drive yourself home. I have a driver, and he has to take me home, so why not drop you off on the way? I promise, we're just dropping you off," Leo said, his voice proving very calming to her. "Oh, and picking you up in the morning, seeing as you will be leaving your car here overnight."

Torn between being thankful for his kindness and nervous of what had happened, CJ couldn't help but agree. If it was left up to her, she'd spend another night sleeping (or rather, resting) on the sofa in her office, and so far that hadn't done her any good.

"Alright. I'll go pick up my things," she said, smiling briefly.

"No work though, right? Tonight you're just going to sleep."

"Leo..."

"No, don't give me that tone of voice—there's nothing earth-shattering that needs to be done in the next six hours, so you best just go home and rest."

CJ chuckled at the irony. "My boss, of all people, is telling me not to work. I'll remember that next time you tell me I'm not doing enough..."

"I've never said you've not done enough," Leo objected, wondering if that's how she really saw him. "And I'm telling you not to take work home as a friend, not as your boss."

Nodding, CJ ducked out the doorway towards her office, leaving Leo to question what had happened between them to bring them to kiss. It wasn't as if it was unthought of on his part, but at the time it seemed like a mutual decision, leaving him to wonder if there was possibly something between them.

Grabbing his briefcase and stuffing a few extra sheets of work in, Leo eased into his jacket and took his hotel keys out of the drawer in front of his seat. "Behave yourself, old man," he told himself as he turned out the light in his office and made his way to CJ's office.

4

The ride to CJ's brownstone had been relatively quiet. Neither CJ nor Leo could bring themselves to speak, for fear of bringing up a forbidden topic, and as they sat at the far sides of the car, looking at each other seemed dangerous.

He'd never been to CJ's house before, nor had he ever really spent much time 'one on one' before. It had always been his best intention to avoid any sense of impropriety, and Leo feared that spending much time alone with her might lead quite easily to more than just a sense of something.

Finally, after several painfully long moments of silence, Leo decided he had to make amends for the kiss. Obviously it was all about desperation or else there would be conversation between them, or anything other than dull stillness.

He couldn't convince himself that another minute of staring at his shoes and contemplating what to get Mallory for her birthday was a worthwhile way to spend his ride home. He was, after all, in the company of the one and only CJ Cregg. If nothing else they were colleagues, and as such they needed to be able to at least converse civilly.

"Any ideas as to what Mallory would want for her birthday?" Leo broke the silence, even though he had to admit it wasn't a very good conversation starter.

"Pardon?"

"She's turning 35," Leo explained. "It's a big birthday, and I wanted to get her something nice."

CJ felt lost, as if somehow she had managed to miss a part of the conversation—they had gone from nothing to discussing his daughter's birthday gift.

"Um..." CJ thought for a moment, words still eluding her.

"I, uh... I'm sorry, about in my office," Leo interrupted. It came out of nowhere but he had to say it. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He looked at her, watching her fiddling with the strap of her purse. He couldn't remember what had possessed him to do what he did, but it had happened, so there was no changing it now, and he wasn't even sure that given the opportunity he would try to. All he really needed to remember was how great she smelled when they kissed. Any other memory other than the way it felt to kiss her, coherent or otherwise, seemed to pale in comparison to anything about her.

"Its fine, Leo," CJ said, not wanting to remind him that she had been the one doing the kissing, not him. He'd apologized for it, and since he had, he must have thought there was something wrong with what happened... Of course she_ knew_ there was something wrong with it, but it was all a matter of opinion, she convinced herself. Then again, public opinion featured quite highly in the White House, and kissing your boss would inspire quite the stirring of public debate. Especially if it were to ever come out that Leo wasn't the first man of higher political stature she had made a point of kissing. CJ's heart sped up at the implication that she might be considered a _power_ whore, as opposed to just a run of the mill variety.

"You ok, CJ?" He noticed that her expression fell and her face paled suddenly.

"Fine, Leo."

He shook his head, convinced that yet again he had managed to fumble the ball. The President had asked him to go and see her to sort things out but suddenly everything became a muddled mess. "Fine isn't an answer, CJ, it's a way of avoiding the question."

For the first time since they had gotten in to the car, CJ looked at Leo and spoke. "Then wonderful. I'm just wonderful. How's _that_ for an answer? That good enough for you?"

"It'd be great if it were true. But at least you're looking at me again," he said, his trademark wide grin plastered across his face.

Her glare softened and a sad smile escaped her lips. "I'm sorry. I bet you're all tired of this 'woe is me' crap... I'm not sure that I'm not. But I just..."

"If you're not ready to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you, then don't. Just remember that we're not about to black-list you for mistakes. We're not going to withdraw ourselves from you." Leo's hand reached across and took hers in his. "And I'm only sorry about the timing," he confessed. There was no way he could pretend that having kissed her was some blatant mistake. Of all the things it was, it could only be accused of being poorly timed.

"You going to come in for tea?" CJ asked, suddenly aware that the car had lurched to a stop somewhere along the line, and now, looking out her window, she realized she was home.

"You need to get some rest, CJ. It's been a long day, and barring any incident, you need a few nights of sleeping like a normal person."

"A few nights? Leo, I'm not taking any time off... I'm not going to..."

Before she could finish, Leo interjected. "I'm not proposing you take time off. Though I know it would probably be better for you if you did, I'm not sure we could survive without you. But you are going to be leaving at a reasonable hour for a few nights, if I have to drop you here myself."

"When did you ever leave work at a 'reasonable hour'," she asked jokingly.

"Reasonable is open to interpretation, but under the circumstances, I say no later than eight. That's at latest. I'd like to see you out at six, but I think that might be more fantasy than reality."

"Leo, my fantasies have nothing to do with time of day," she quipped before squeezing his hand, "but if I think of one, I'll let you know."

Leo blushed at the implication.

"I'll see you in the morning then?"

"Ten to seven. Take care Ceej, and call me if you need anything."

"You gonna come running over in the middle of the night?"

"If that's what you need," Leo said honestly, hoping his eyes didn't betray him. He'd do anything for her; he knew it too, but to tell her that would be too frank.

Even after he watched her get out of the car and enter her building, he couldn't help but smile. She may not have told him what was wrong but she was beginning to open up, and that in itself was a miracle. Time would tell, but Leo couldn't help but wonder if he was finally able to get through to CJ Cregg.

5

Getting ready in the morning, Leo didn't have to remind himself that he was supposed to pick up CJ on his way in to work. It was a detour for him, but he didn't mind. It was only an extra few miles in the wrong direction, but it meant that he knew CJ wouldn't be going in early or staying late. For that matter, even if it had been fifty miles, Leo would have happily done the reroute to pick her up.

The idea of having someone to drive into work with appealed to him. It had been too long since he had someone to talk about the day with, or to discuss the morning crossword (though he doubted he'd be pulling that out on the drive into work, it was the possibility that pleased him).

Pulling up in front of CJ's, Leo smiled inwardly at the prospect of turning this in to a habit. Even though there was mostly only a friendship between them (save for heavy lidded goodbyes they tend to have), it was a nice way to start and finish the day.

"Good day Sunshine," Leo said in an uncharacteristically singsong voice as CJ opened the door to the car and slid in.

"Morning, Leo." Settling her purse on her knee, CJ smiled as she buckled her seatbelt.

"Sleep well?" He could tell just by looking at her that if she got any sleep it wasn't particularly restful, but he had to hope that perhaps she at least got a few extra minutes of shut-eye, if not more.

"Not bad. I had weird dreams about my fish," she admitted, "but once I get to the office and see that Gail's alright, I'll be fine." CJ smiled. "How about you? Did you get enough rest last night, or did that briefcase of stuff keep you awake?"

Leo shrugged. "I got my average. I had a few things I wanted to go over before staff this morning, so I read a little later than I intended."

CJ figured that he probably fell asleep fully clothed on his bed, his glasses teetering precariously on the tip of his nose, papers in hand. "Well, if you're going to force me to leave work at work, then I think you might be advised to swallow your own bitter pill..." She smiled, hoping he understood that what she was saying was merely out interest for his well-being and not being bitchy about him driving her home the night before.

"Ah, but you _need_ the rest, Ceej. You're running on empty these days."

"We all _need_ the rest, Leo," CJ reminded him in the same 'I know what's best' tone. "We've put in six of the hardest years of our lives. God knows, we could very well be shortening our life span by a year or two for every one we work in the White House."

Leo laughed. "So what you're saying is I'm possibly going to die 10 years younger? Well, between the White House, the drugs and the alcohol, I'd better get my estate in order."

CJ cringed at the thought. "Leo..." Her voice was stern. "Please, don't joke about that."

Leo grinned wryly before he leaned over as if to tell her a secret. "You can't get rid of me that easily, CJ. This old man is going to be around for a long time yet."

It was awkward at first, but CJ leaned further in and finally managed to speak. "Good. Because I don't want you to be going anywhere."

Her breath against his cheek surprised him, and Leo felt suddenly very aware of her proximity to him.

"We're almost to the White House," he managed, though strained. The last thing he wanted was for whatever was happening between him and CJ to end, but for them to arrive at the gates in such a seemingly intimate (if not mostly innocent) position would create a stir of gossip—that CJ most definitely did not need.

Coming to her senses, CJ nodded, and quickly moved back into her own space, now acutely aware that her seatbelt had been digging into her hip and shoulder when she had made her move towards the center of the car. As she rubbed her collarbone, she saw Leo watching her, and smiled. "I don't know how I did it when I was young," she joked.

Leo blushed at the statement and then decided to add his own thoughts to the matter. "I don't know about you, but when I was young, there weren't seatbelts involved. And usually if you were going to do something like that in a car, you went to a lookout somewhere."

"A lookout, eh?"

"Blame it on the times, CJ, 'cause we were just one big cliché." Leo laughed at the memory. Definitely in retrospect it seemed like a funny thought, but at the time Leo remembered it being the best way to spend a Friday or Saturday night. And he spent his fair share of nights up at the lookout. He could never be certain, but he often wondered if maybe that was the way Mallory got her start in life.

She shrugged. "You turned out pretty well, so I guess it's all a matter of perspective."

"Thank you," he said, pleased that she didn't find fault in what he considered a normal way to grow up.

"So, I should thank you."

"For?"

CJ offered him a small smile and looked up at him sideways before she spoke. "For not pressuring me..." she began and watched as his breath hitched.

"CJ, I'd.... I'd never," he managed to fumble, surprised that she would think that of him.

"No, no...that's not what I meant," she realized what he was thinking, and blushed crimson suddenly feeling her own sense of panic. "I mean, for not pressuring me in to talking about something I'm not comfortable talking about."

Heaving a sigh of relief, Leo shook his head. "I'd never want to make you do something you weren't comfortable doing," he told her sincerely. When she offered him a cock-eyed glare, he amended his statement. "I would never dream of making you do something in your personal life that would bother you..." Again she offered him the look. "Ok, damn it CJ, I try not to impose myself more on your personal life than I feel my duties as Chief of Staff affords me."

She smiled at him, before taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. "I just like messin' with ya, that's all," she said cheekily.

Leo shook his head and looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined. "You sure do," he replied.

"Well, some things I won't joke about."

"Promise?" He felt like a kid seeking out assurance from a parent. The last thing Leo wanted was to cross a line or misunderstand her intentions. He could only hope that the signals he was reading from her were as loud and clear as he thought.

"So then, I'll see you tonight then, on our way home?" CJ opened the door and swung her purse out, maneuvering her legs out the door to make as graceful an exit as possible.

"Yep. Eight o'clock," he reminded her, watching as she made her way up the steps and through the doors.

6

"Margaret, call over to CJ's office and ask Carol to give her the seven o'clock warning?" Leo thumbed through a few pages on his desk before looking up at the stunned red head.

"What do you mean the 'seven o'clock warning?'"

"Margaret?"

"Leo?"

"Ok... Ya know, we've been doing this for a couple of days, and every day you ask me what I mean, and every day... we have _this_ conversation."

Margaret shrugged. "You could have cut this off at the pass two days ago and told me then. I wouldn't have to keep asking."

"Or you could just stop?" He rubbed his temples trying to wish away a headache that was threatening to take over.

"I could. But I won't," she grinned, turning and heading out the door towards her office.

Leo couldn't help but smile. He was surrounded by all these remarkable women, and as much as they drove him insane, he loved them all.

"Eight o'clock, and we're leaving," he said, leaning in her office doorway, briefcase one hand and an umbrella in the other. On the way in to work it had been pouring, and CJ teasing refused to share her umbrella at first. Just to prove that he could be resourceful, he had somewhere managed to dig up an umbrella. Or rather, Margaret had been able to.

CJ jumped, his presence obviously interrupting some train of thought.

"Hey, relax CJ, that's why I had Carol give you the one hour warning," he joked. "Didn't want to give your system too much of a shock—that whole 'leaving at eight three nights in a row' thing."

Warily smiling, CJ just sighed. "Long day. Press corps was unruly. Like a bunch of kindergarteners with chocolate and Uzis."

"You know a lot of kindergarteners with Uzis?"

"Too many it seems some days," she said sadly, before picking up a two briefing books and a collection of notes she had made.

"That bad?"

"Worse." Everything seemed to make its way off her desk and into her briefcase – a sight Leo was worried about. At least the previous two nights she had appeased him with leaving work _at_ work.

"You could leave those things behind. Rest? Remember? You had a hard day today, why make it any worse by dragging all this stuff home with you?" He hoped that there would be a convincing enough argument in that.

Waving it off, CJ threw her coat over her arm. "Let's get going before I realize I've forgotten something I might actually want."

Following after her, Leo wondered what had happened in the course of the day to make things degrade so much from where they had started.

"I see you managed to dig up an umbrella," she commented over her shoulder.

"Yeah. See, I'm not so defenseless," he retorted.

"It's pink, Leo. I know it's not yours." Stopping, CJ waited for him to stride up beside her.

"But aren't you impressed by the fact that I don't feel emasculated by carrying it?"

"I'm impressed that you're carrying something with little cartoon bunnies, yes." Pointing towards the fluffy white outlines on the umbrella, she watched as he examined them, realizing that yes, they were indeed 'bunnies'.

"I'm betting Margaret did it on purpose," Leo said, less angry and more surprised that she had the nerve to do it.

"Word around the assistants is that its revenge for not telling her what the seven o'clock warning was about," CJ informed him, as she began to lead them out towards the car.

"You knew about this?"

"Which part?"

"The bunnies?"

"Leo, dearest, I hear about a lot of things. It's the miracle that is being Press Secretary. Even though I was aware something would be happening, I can honestly say I didn't know it would take the form of a pink umbrella with white cartoon bunnies." CJ smiled quickly. "Though, I must say, I quite like the way you look carrying it."

Leo blushed, before opening the car door for her to get in. As he closed it and walked around to his side, Leo couldn't help but inwardly smile. If she liked it, then it was all worth it.

The ride to CJ's place was much more comfortable than it had been the first night.Both CJ and Leo were enjoying the comfortable banter and company that their journey provided, and they both settled quite quickly into a 'no work' policy.

Life, Leo had told her the second night, was meant to be more than work and what went wrong through the day, and they both needed to focus more on that ideal than their careers. Their careers, they both agreed, had a tendency to spin out of control.

"You know, you need to stop calling about the crossword...I got a call today from the editor, and he was saying that you've called him at least once for every week we've been in office." CJ laughed, remember what the editor had really said, and decided not to tell Leo the part about where he could shove his pencil.

"Well, if you speak to him again, you could cordially tell him that should he ever learn how to spell, I wouldn't need to call him." Leo looked almost wounded. "A man can't help liking a good crossword to start his day, and there's nothing worse than a five letter word for accomplice that is _six_ letters."

"There are better ways to start your day, Leo," CJ joked. She loved his smile, and the way his eyes reflected his mood. The hazel flecks in the deep blue made her feel safe, like he had let his guard down, so she should do the same.

"You find me one, and I'll be sure to try it," he said without realizing the connotation.

"Well..."

"Hey, hey," Leo interrupted, before it got out of hand.

"I can think of a few things..." CJ teased. When Leo seemed hesitant to comment, she laughed, and then slapped the seat. "Go for a swim, Leo, first thing in the morning and you'll feel more alive and stimulated than any crossword could ever do."

Leo shook his head. "I'm not the kind of guy who likes splashing around in the water. I think I will stick to my crossword, but thanks."

Pulling up outside her house, CJ motioned towards the building. "Are you going to finally accept my offer of tea for once? You say no one more night and I might be inclined to feel insulted."

Leo shook his head, surprised at the power she had over him. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"It's tea, Leo, it's not the entire night, and I promise you, I have decaf if you're worried I'll somehow manage to seduce you once you're hopped out on caffeine."

A smile pulled at the sides of his lips, making him want to further discuss the idea of seduction, but instead he opted for a little more time with her and a nice conversation before he went back to the hotel. After all, he was the one who said that life was meant to be more than just work. That's what she was offering him, Leo decided. CJ was offering him balance.

7

Making their way into CJ's house, Leo was surprised that she lived in such a large place. It seemed overly spacious for one person, and it couldn't have been cheap to find a semi-detached brownstone in a good neighborhood.

Leo had always imagined her to be an apartment dweller, more so than a house kind of woman, and the flower baskets resting on the outer windowsills seemed very domestic—something he never would have pegged her to be. The past few visits to her place, he hadn't realized that they were houses and not apartments—he had been distracted by the circumstances and more than a little on edge.

"Don't stare at them like they're pot plants—I promise they're just a few peonies, and more than a few weeds," she joked, noticing him staring at the windows. Everyone she brought back to her place seemed to have the same reaction; it seemed that nobody expected her to be as settled as she was, but truth be told, if there wasn't any order in her professional life, the least she wanted was an orderly, comfortable home life.

Granted, she wasn't there often, but it was still something she had long ago decided; if she was going to live the kind of life she had, working as hard as she did, she would take the time to set up a nice home.

When she moved from LA to Washington, she invested most of her money in the new house. Everything about her new home in Washington was set to her specifications.

"I just..."

"I know, don't worry about it. You should've seen Josh's face when he came over the first time—he just about dropped dead of a heart attack," CJ joked and then suddenly realized that maybe she should have used different words. There still hadn't been any news on Donna other than that they had once again managed to stabilize her.

That was one more thing to feel horrible about, CJ thought. She had been a terrible friend to someone whose life was now hanging in the balance. Once it was all over she'd have one hell of a confession for a priest, CJ thought, but not until President Bartlet left office. There was no way she wanted to deal with a leak from a clergyman. After all, there aren't many people you can't accuse of lying, but a man of God definitely is one of them.

"CJ, once you put the key in the door, it helps if you turn it," Leo teased, wondering if she was having second thoughts about inviting him in. It wasn't as if he was planning on pinning her against a wall the minute they walked through the door, though it was an intriguing idea.

CJ shook her head, as if to shake the cobwebs out. "Sorry, got caught up in thought," she admitted, before turning the key.

As she opened the door, she watched Leo's expression for the inevitable shock that would register as they walked into the foyer. The banister leading up the stairs had been remodeled with a lavish cherry wood that matched the sturdy handmade-looking furniture in the entry hall.

"I went for broke and did two weeks of renovations when I first moved here," CJ laughed nervously as Leo tried to take it all in.

"It's great," he said honestly, not sure what else he could say without sounding too dumbstruck.

As she led him into the living room she watched as he was again shocked into speechlessness. The perfectly clean and organized living room was a wash of deep eggplant-colored furniture that rested on a large throw rug which complimented the high-gloss hardwood floors.

"I liked the wood look, and it was a bit of a whim," she laughed, wishing sometimes that she had a 'normal' house so people wouldn't be so shocked whenever they saw it, but then she thought it over and she liked the little bit of surprise that she had with it. The house was designed the way she preferred, and it had been decorated to compliment her.

Leo was in awe as he looked around, taking in the pictures she had decorated the room with, as well as a few simple paintings that pulled everything together. "It's a really nice place, CJ," Leo assured her, taking a seat on the luxuriously long leather sofa.

"Hey, sweetheart, you made it home!" Suddenly a booming voice escaped the kitchen and CJ realized what she had forgotten to do while she was at work: check what Ben would be doing that evening.

"Ben! Hey..." She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss.

"I thought I'd take a chance that you'd come back here for a bit. You know, since you came home last night and didn't call me," he mock whined, "I thought that I'd come visit you and see if lightening strikes twice."

Leo shot up, standing with his hands in his pocket, feeling exceptionally strange at the exchange. "So, uh..."

"Oh, hey," Ben said, turning and offering his hand to Leo. "I'm Ben."

"Ben, hello. I'm Leo. Leo McGarry."

"Ah, the big boss," Ben said, smiling kindly and sizing up the much smaller man. For all the stories he had heard about the other people on staff, he had imagine Leo to be a more threatening man. The fact was, as far as people Ben had met, Leo seemed fairly unimposing, and certainly did not live up to the image he had built in his mind.

"Well, President Bartlet might not say that," Leo joked, smiling and practically looking for a window to jump out of. He had forgotten that CJ was seeing Ben, and he had not counted on the man being there, but now that they were all standing in CJ's living room attempting conversation, he realized that for many reasons he needed to leave.

"Leo dropped me off," CJ said, suddenly realizing that Ben must be wondering why the President's chief of staff had been sitting on her couch.

"Car broke down again?"

Leo looked at CJ as if he had missed something. CJ's car never broke down—she babied that damn thing, and it had been cause for many jokes and punch lines around the White House.

"Yeah, well, it's in the shop again," she lied, realizing she'd probably have to explain to Leo later what was going on.

"You should let me go with you to buy a new car. It's a beautiful car CJ, but not very reliable, and I worry about you when you're driving it. It breaks down so much; I think that it's been in the shop more days since we've been going out than it's been on the road." Ben wrapped his arm around her, and sighed. She wasn't going to budge. She loved her baby blue convertible, and wasn't about to give it up, even if it did seem to be a death trap on wheels.

"I, uh," Leo stammered. "Sorry to interrupt, but I should probably head home now. Still haven't found a gift for Mallory," Leo managed, wondering if he could come up with any better excuse should they invite him to stay for the earlier-offered tea.

"You sure?" CJ asked, wondering what suddenly was rushing him out the door.

"Yeah, I really should call Jenny and find out if our little girl put anything on her list of things she wanted," he tried to cover.

"Little girl? She's 35. She's a grown woman," CJ teased.

"Don't remind me," Leo laughed, making his way back to his coat. "See you in the morning CJ."

"Actually," Ben interrupted, "I'll drive her in."

"Oh." Leo nodded. "Ok, then, well, have a good night, and I'll see you at work tomorrow," he said forcing a smile. "Nice to meet you, Ben."

"Nice to meet you too, Leo." Ben gave the older man one more once over and then smiled sincerely. "And thanks for giving CJ a ride home—I hate when she takes a cab."

"Any time."

Making his way down the walk, he pulled out his cell phone and called his driver to pick him up. So much for having told Bobby to go get a coffee somewhere or to read his paper.

8

"CJ invited you to dinner tonight," Margaret said, dropping off what seemed to be the tenth stack of papers to be signed in as many minutes. It seemed he always had something to sign, and even though she offered on numerous occasions to relieve him of the duty, he had always not so politely declined. His loss, she thought.

"What?" Margaret had managed to get his attention. Dinner. CJ. She invited him? Had he missed something in an alternate universe somewhere?

"CJ invited you to dinner tonight, eight o'clock. Moxie's, I think, though I'll let you know after lunch."

"Why after lunch?" He was still in a state of sheer confusion.

"Because that's when I'll be talking to Carol."

"Oh." So he didn't comprehend a word of it. Just something that about dinner, with CJ, at eight. At Moxie's. Where the hell was Moxie's?

"A few blocks from here—great food. Named after the soda, I think."

Leo cringed, wondering if Margaret really did have some secret powers that allowed her to read his mind, or if it was just eerily possible that she knew him that well. Both possibilities scared the hell out of him, he had to admit.

"Named after the soda?" She had totally lost him.

"From Maine. But anyway, you don't have to drink the stuff; personally I think it tastes like medicine." Margaret made her way to the door. "I'll let you know the details for sure when I get back from lunch," she assured him, leaving him to his stacks of paper to be 'autographed.'

Leo walked into the restaurant, astounded that she would pick such a casual place for them to have dinner. Then again, he reminded himself, she was probably just doing this to thank him. Getting his hopes up about anything would be...well, too hopeful.

"Hey, Leo," CJ said, standing and waving.

A booth at the back, he thought, before mentally kicking himself. He had to get himself off the jag of thinking she had any feelings for him. CJ was _with_ Ben. CJ was _dating_ Ben. Ben _stayed the night_ at CJ's and not just so he could drive her to work the next morning. The last thought made Leo cringe.

"CJ!" Walking towards her, he suddenly saw the very shiny top of someone's bald spot, and recognized it immediately. "Toby!" Looking over the table, his heart just about stopped. "Margaret. Rena," he continued cordially. "Bonnie, Ed, Larry, Carol..." Finally he saw someone he didn't recognize, mind you he had already seen seven people more than he had anticipated and he was beginning to wonder if his powers of observation were skewed.

"And that's...Derek, Carol's new beau," CJ introduced.

"You say new like I should be concerned...like you need to categorize us, there're so many," Derek teased.

"If you only knew," Carol joked, jabbing him gently in the ribs.

"Ha ha, we all work in the White House...well, with the exception of you dear Derek, and I can't begin to tell you how lucky you are... we know how little time our Carol has," CJ giggled, leading Leo into the booth.

Noticing Leo's rather horrified expression, CJ laughed. "He's been checked out by the FBI, we're ok." CJ told him, certain that his concern was because of the new man at the table.

"Oh, well, then..." Leo looked around and realized that this was no coincidence. They were all having dinner. Together. This had somehow been arranged. "So, do you guys do this often?"

Toby shrugged. "Only when I can't find a good excuse to get out of it," he said, knocking back a drink.

"Oh, shut up Pokey. You make it out every week, like clockwork. Even after the babies were born and you stopped thinking rationally..."

"I never stopped thinking rationally," Toby countered.

"Babies come with hats? Toby, I have to say that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said." CJ pulled her chair to the end of the booth, making sure that everyone was in and then settled herself.

"I think it's cute," Bonnie said, taking her boss' side.

"Sure you do. You're the one who cross-stitched it on a pillow for him," Carol teased before returning her attention to her date.

Surely enough, everything began to filter down, everyone talking to the person next to them, small group conversations taking over certain portions of the table. Food was ordered pretty quickly, as was a second round of drinks and a soda water for Leo.

"So, you came to dinner. I've invited you how many times and you've never come," Margaret asked her voice in a near whisper.

"Well..."

"So it was a little dirty, me not telling you _all_ the details. But you're having fun right?" Margaret gave Leo a mischievous look, before glancing around the table and watching CJ break out to another round of raucous laughter.

"You should have been clearer—why is it every other appointment I have, you alphabetically list about thirty details on the guy I'm going to meet, the guy's family and the guy's alma mater, and tonight you're vague as all hell," he whispered back.

"Because you wouldn't have come if I wasn't purposefully vague. Enjoy yourself tonight, Leo. This is what makes it all worth while." Turning back to her conversation with Ed, or was it Larry, Margaret fell perfectly back in sync with him.

Looking over the table, Leo had to admit, it was more about life at that table than it was about work, or sleep, or remembering who they were. It was just a group of friends enjoying each other's company, and good food (Margaret had been right), and horrible soda. It was just about them being there and not having to worry for five minutes that they were several levels of command all stuffed into a booth not made for as many people. And it was about them not needing to focus on why they should be pissed with each other, if only for five minutes.

"CJ, don't tell that story," Leo heard Toby growl.

Bonnie's interest seemed peaked. "Oh, CJ, we all know that if Toby brings out that tone of voice, whatever story you have is worth its weight in gold."

"Well, when I was working for EMILY's List," CJ began, all eyes turning to her while Toby grumbled and grunted under his breath, "I had the great fortune of working with a lot of celebrities. Not ones running for anything because...well, that came later," she laughed. "I got to work with the ones that wanted to support a better cause," she explained.

"Is this necessary? Is your weekly torture of me really necessary in ensuring the good nature and free loving spirit of this night?" Toby glared at his best friend in the world. It was all in good humor, and he couldn't help but hope it was the story he thought she might tell because it would make its rounds around the office pretty quickly.

"Good nature? Free loving? Something you want to tell us, Toby," Leo asked, a grin on his face.

Toby shook his head in feigned disdain.

"Oh, mi amore, it is more than necessary. It's ritual. It's... It's tradition by now."

"Could you choose words that mean slightly different things next time, CJ? All in the sake of clarity" Carol teased.

"I could, but you wouldn't be able to spell them, would you?" CJ retorted as both ladies broke out into another fit of giggles. It was strange to see the most composed woman in America in such a state of mischief-making and good humor. It was so rare these days to see anything but the staid version of CJ who they had come to know quite well.

"Ladies?"

Ed and Larry both chuckled, knowing that Leo's interjection of 'ladies' was not going to help the situation. Odds were that CJ hadn't even heard it. This was their habit; every week a different place, but the same players (this week they were short a few, as they had been in the weeks past--Gaza had changed a few things) and the same funny disagreements in jest.

"So, as I was saying... What was I saying? Oh, yeah. EMILY's List. So Toby came out to visit me, and he took to California like...there's no good comparison, but it was like one of those bug candles you put out...Toby was the bug at the table." The table erupted into laughter. Even Leo had to admit she had a knack for getting their attention. "So he came to pick me up one day from work, dressed like a man awaiting execution—I've never seen someone wear layers like he did that day, and dark grim colors—and he met one of the donors. A very blonde, a very buxom..."

"Ow!" Leo's face recoiled in pain. "Who just kicked me under the table?"

"Banged into you?" Margaret asked.

"Like a soccer ball into a net," Leo grumbled, reaching under the table and rubbing his shin.

"Uh, sorry Leo. That was intended for Danielle Steel over there," Toby blushed.

"Don't wound the boss, there Pokey, or he'll have to remember you on Big Block of Cheese day."

"I'll remember you," Margaret said, sweetly, her grin obviously betraying something that was supposed to be more hidden than it was at that moment.

"Too much information," Leo said slowly, turning back to CJ, and encouraging her to finish the story. Danielle Steel or not, it could be interesting.

"So this _very_ attractive former Miss California..."

"Former Miss California?" Larry and Ed gasped in unison, and Toby released a sigh of relief. It _was_ the story he hoped she'd tell, and by the next evening it was sure to have made the rounds.

"Please tell me she was like, a retiree, a very geriatric kind of retiree," Bonnie pled, knowing her boss' ego would burst if it got any bigger than it already was.

"Oh, no no no, a few years out of the crown. And she still had the bikini, didn't she, Pokey?" CJ winked at him before turning her attention back to the table. All eyes shifted to Toby and a hush fell over the table. "Who's ordering the cake tonight?"

Echoes of "CJ" made their way around the table, everyone wanting to know the rest of the story, though they could certainly fill in the blanks themselves.

"Leo, you do the honors. And in tribute to Toby, make it something with lots of whipped topping," she joked, encouraging more loud laughter around the table.

9

"Alright, let's call it a night," Margaret said, standing and leaning against Ed and Larry to encourage them to move. "We've just spent more time here tonight than we have with our respective partners since we took office." The redhead smiled, knowing that for most of them, she was right.

"Yeah," everyone agreed, though no one seemed too eager to leave. Filing out of the booth and making their way to the front door, everyone managed to say their goodbyes and break off to small groups.

"Leo, can I catch a ride with you?" CJ asked, realizing that yet again she was the 'odd man out' in the carpool groupings.

"Sure. You didn't drive here?"

"No, came with Toby, but he's taking Margaret home." CJ smiled broadly, hoping that Leo would pick up on the obvious relationship between his assistant and his communications director. "But I'm betting that by tomorrow morning at work, Toby'll wish I hadn't said anything about his former Miss California."

"It was a really great dinner," Leo admitted, his briefcase sitting at his feet, his coat folded over his lap.

"I actually quite liked that place. But we can't go back for another fifty-two weeks," CJ joked but then noticed Leo's obviously piqued curiosity at her statement. "We don't double up on the same place in the same year for our weekly outings. Don't want it to become monotonous."

"I doubt it ever could," Leo assured her. "It was a great time."

"You're not disappointed that you tagged along?"

"Not at all. It was a really nice night. Much better way to pass an evening than any I would have come up with." Leo looked at his hands, trying not to think about the unrealistic hopes with which he had begun the evening.

"It was nice to hear you laugh again," CJ told him, thinking back over the course of the night, pleased with how Leo seemed to have let himself enjoy the night out and the company.

"Same for you. You seemed to be feeling better," he mentioned, hoping that she'd not lock up and crawl back into her shell.

CJ just shrugged it off. "The get-togethers are pretty much the only things that keep us sane sometimes."

The conversation tapered back into silence while they both looked out their windows and around the car.

"May I ask why you told Ben your car broke down?"

"I thought I should explain that, though a part of me hoped you hadn't heard it," she nervously joked.

"I'm old, but not deaf yet." His expression softened and his eyes seemed to encourage her to explain.

CJ sighed and began to wish she lived closer. It would be the perfect time for the car to pull to a stop in front of her place. Alas, no such luck. "I told him that because that's what I always tell him...Well, not always, but sometimes I leave work at night and just wander around. I take a walk, go to the Mall, or sit by the monuments. Just to clear my head. But then I'll end up somewhere else and then somewhere else again, and I just go wherever the mood strikes me. And I usually don't pick up my car afterward. I'd rather just wander home in my own time."

Leo looked at her, wondering how big her secret was—her unpaid mistake—that she would take to walking around aimlessly after what was often grueling days at work.

"Ben gets mad at me for not driving home, so instead of telling him I decided not to drive, I tell him I can't drive."

"He believes you?"

"He seems to." CJ didn't want to say what had popped into mind the minute she had said that Ben seemed to believe her; he wasn't always the brightest bulb, and as sweet of a guy as he was, it sometimes made it easier for her to be less than honest with him.

Running a hand through his sandy hair, Leo wished he could change things for her, and maybe take away some of the stress that was causing her to feel the need to run away. "You shouldn't have to lie to him, CJ. He should be able to understand."

"How would you feel about me wandering around DC at night by myself?"

"I'd be worried about you," he admitted. "But I don't get to vote this time. This is between you and Ben."

CJ snickered, surprised by how bitter she felt.

"What?"

"I'm just surprised that you of all people would say it's none of your business." She hadn't intended to snap at him, but it seemed like the only thing she could do. For someone who had insinuated himself so greatly in her life as of late, he sure knew how to back out pretty damn quickly, she thought, and that only made her angrier.

And here it was, he thought. The inevitable fight that's been waiting to happen ever since he first asked her how she was that night in her office. CJ wasn't the type of person to let anyone get particularly close, and in the short amount of time since that evening in her office, she let her guard down and began to accept Leo as a friend. Now that he wasn't saying what she wanted to hear, the cement wall would go back up and he'd have to work it back down somehow.

"You wanted to talk about my mistakes but you won't talk about Ben?"

"Is Ben one of your mistakes?" Leo knew he was waking a fine line, and was best not to dig himself in too deep, but he also knew that he was thinking with his heart more than his brain.

"Leo?"

"You said that I wanted to talk about your mistakes but not Ben. Is that to say that you consider him a mistake, or is that just a jab at me and my selective hearing?"

"I..." She had slipped up, CJ realized, but there was no backtracking now. She had made the distinct mistake of letting herself slip out of control, though she wondered fleetingly if she ever had any or if it was just a vague sense of something else.

"Do you love him?"

He caught her off guard. It was the last question she anticipated he'd ask, and even after he said it, she wasn't sure she could reply without stumbling over her words in shock.

"Do you love him, CJ? It's not that hard of a question. It's not like I just asked you if you'd give him a kidney, though I suspect if you loved him, you would. But I'm not sure of the first part. I'm not sure you love him." And this was where Leo fell out of his element. Politics had taught him many things, but when it came to talk of relationships—his own or someone else's—he had learned nothing. His only way of _really_ dealing with relationships was to avoid them. So what had possessed him to get into a loaded conversation with CJ about _her_ relationships? Perhaps he had completely lost it. It could be the first signs of dementia, he thought.

Surprising both herself and Leo, CJ didn't blow up. Instead, CJ gathered her composure and thought it over for a moment before replying. "He's convenient."

"Convenient? Christ, CJ, he's not a timeshare. He's a human being!"

"He loves me," she replied, as if Leo wasn't there. "He loves me, even though I'm this wreck of a woman who doesn't seem to know if she's coming or going half the time."

Leo reached across the seat for her hand, wanting to offer her some small gesture or peace offering, but she pulled away.

"You know, Leo, what's harder than not loving someone who loves you?" CJ sighed, her breath hitching in her throat when she had said the word love. "Loving someone who doesn't love you. But it's not even that simple. It's not even just about love. It's about respect. It's about...God, I don't even know any more. It's about so many different things that I just can't seem to pull together, and it's about needing to pay this damn debt to society, or whoever, so that I can get over these mistakes..."

"Staying with Ben because he's convenient is only going to make you feel worse eventually, if it hasn't already. It's only going to be one more mistake you'll regret later, CJ, if you don't love him." Leo looked at her, tears streaming down her cheeks. Any sign of the previously composed Press Secretary had faded, leaving just a shell of her. "You don't love him, CJ."

The car lurched to a stop, and CJ couldn't open the door fast enough. "Thanks for the ride," she called back, quickly closing the door behind her.

Leo watched as her long legs raced up the steps to her door, and he realized that this time he had managed to not only step in 'it', but he had managed to somehow get himself buried up to his neck.

10

"Quiet day, CJ, go home," Toby grumbled from the doorway. It had been an insanely quiet day, and although it was sometimes nice to not be in crisis mode every minute of the day, the days when they never quite hit panic were equally frustrating. They spent most of those days waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Not even bothering to look up, CJ's anger just seemed to peak. "People can damn well stop telling me what to do!" Slamming her water bottle down on the desk as if to make her point, water spilled out and over on to her hands and the surface of the desk. "Shit!"

"Hey, easy there, CJ. It's just water." Grabbing tissues from a box on the corner of her desk, Toby began to sop up the water. He had never seen his friend as on edge as she had been the past few months, and it seemed that things were forever making it even more difficult to get through to her. It wasn't bad enough that she seemed to have mood swings from hell, but periodically she'd stop getting angry to the point of seething.

"It's only _just_ water until it destroys something you want," CJ argued.

Toby held his hands up as if to surrender. "Did you tempt the fates from high atop the thing?" He asked, hoping to get a smile from her. Instead, he earned a sour glare and her continued attempts at ignoring him. "You know, CJ, this thing called a conversation? It goes much better when both parties are...well, dare I say, conversing?"

"Look, Pokey, you wanna converse then why don't you call up your ex-wife and converse with her? I'm sure she'd be glad to hear from you. Since you nearly jumped on top of her at the airport when she got back from Gaza you've been keeping your distance." A lump formed in her throat as she watched Toby's expression change from one of gentle teasing to hurt and then anger. Before CJ knew it, tears had flooded her face.

Toby was stunned into silence and shock. His best friend was standing there crying and damn her, he thought; this was his turn to be pissed at her. But instead he made his way closer and enveloped her in his arms. Whatever was eating away at her was obviously beyond a simple discomfort and had moved on to a full-fledged smorgasbord of anxieties.

"I'm...I'm..." CJ was so overcome that she was having a hard time catching her breath.

"Shh... Just relax for a few minutes and don't try to say anything," Toby told her, leading her to the couch and settling in.

CJ shook her head and collapsed into his shoulder. She couldn't even so much as think coherently while her body was racked with sobs. There wasn't even a way she could pinpoint the source of all the horror she was feeling, except that she really didn't love Ben, and for a woman who didn't love a man, she was doing a lot to appease him. And even though she couldn't say for sure, what she was feeling for Leo certainly weren't those of an employee for her employer, no matter how affectionate the rest of the staff was towards one another. Then there was the thought of John Hoynes that still managed to disable her senses periodically and take her back to that night. She remembered what it was to be someone who was important, or at least someone who was with someone important, and as much as she wanted to claim it was just out of sheer attraction, she knew that it was more about _who_ he was.

"You need anything?" Toby was not the kind of guy to be well prepared for something like this. A friend breaking down into tears in his presence? He was as ready for that as he would be to give birth himself.

CJ shook her head, before beginning another round of thoughts which only provoked more tears.

"O-kay," Toby mumbled, holding her. The depth of discomfort he was feeling was immeasurable.

"CJ, I just heard something incredibly disturbing about the news cycle," Leo said, bounding into CJ's office. At first looking at her desk, he scanned the office until he found her on the sofa next to Toby. "Everything okay in here?"

Toby didn't know what to do. Shrugging his shoulders he gestured towards CJ who had buried her face against him.

"CJ?" Leo watched, hoping that this wasn't all still filter-down from their fight a few days before. Making an executive decision when she didn't answer, Leo decided to relieve Toby of his guarding duties and try to get though to CJ. One way or another, something had to change, and if it was a matter of making her realize that, Leo had to at least try. "Toby, you go tell Margaret that CJ's not feeling well. I'm taking her home. And can you please have her send over my briefcase and call the driver while she's at it."

Nodding, Toby stroked CJ's back and mumbled something into her ear before she let him stand up and make his way towards the door. He couldn't begin to explain the relief he was feeling that someone better equipped was taking over for him.

CJ used the back of her hand to wipe at the tears on her face, before reaching over to the tissue box on her desk and pulling a wad out. It was insane to be feeling like this. It was insane to be so trapped by emotions, she thought. But she was. There was no way to deny that she couldn't escape herself, and somehow she couldn't escape her demons either.

"Stand up, Ceej, we'll get going," Leo said, offering her his hand to balance herself against.

"I'm fine," she managed, her voice still hoarse from the sobbing.

"Yeah, and you look it," he mumbled under his breath, waiting for her to accept his arm.

As she stood from her place on the sofa, CJ felt as though she had the wind knocked out of her, and suddenly accepting Leo's offer of a little support seemed absolutely necessary.

"My car's in the parking garage," she said quietly as he led her towards the door.

"So?"

"So, I'm taking it home with me," she told him, her voice betraying her. It didn't hold any of the resolve she tried to project.

"You're coming home with me," Leo told her, before realizing how she might misinterpret it. "We're gonna talk, at my hotel, and then when you're up to it, you can go home. But I don't think you should be alone right now, and I don't think you should be with Ben right now..."

CJ was about to say something snarky, just for the sake of saying it, but instead she just shrugged it off. He was right, and she knew it. There was no way to deny it.

"If you want, I'll drive your car to the hotel, and then when you want to leave, it will be there for you." He couldn't believe he was offering to drive her precious baby of a car. It had been a while since he had to drive himself around.

"Promise you won't crash?"

"Promise I'll try not to," Leo said sweetly, his trademark grin making its way across his face.

CJ nodded, taking her keys from her pocket and passing them to him. "You do anything to it, and you're taking it to get it fixed. Repairs on a classic cost a fortune."

He shook his head in agreement and led them out of the building. Even as they were getting into her car, Leo wondered what his game plan was. He had never expected her to agree to his initial idea, let alone do so without much of a fight. Quickly speed dialing Margaret, he explained that he'd make his own way home and thanked her, telling her to go home.

What a strange night it was turning out to be.

11

The drive back to the hotel had been silent; there wasn't even the hum of the radio, which made the entire trip eerie.

Leo spent most of the drive concentrating on checking mirrors and remembering to turn on the indicator. A couple of times he accidentally turned on the windshield wipers, and once he had turned on his high beams instead of putting the car in park.

Normally he would have been inclined to make a joke, but it seemed like the totally wrong time and place to do it. Instead he just kept quiet and thought about what each control did. It wasn't so much that he couldn't remember, though he really couldn't. There was more a sense of anxiety that things were different from vehicle to vehicle, and if anything happened to CJ's darling car, she might well kill him. Her state of mind wasn't exactly the most rational at that point.

"We're here," he said, parking carefully, and feeling somewhat proud of his accomplishment.

"And in one piece," CJ mumbled, though she had to admit (if she were feeling even the slightest bit inclined to be happy) that he had looked cute when he double- and triple-checked every mirror.

"Hey, for someone who hasn't driven in about six and a half years, it wasn't that bad."

"You've not driven since the campaign?"

"Not when I didn't have to. Who _wants_ to drive in DC? Traffic circles are a bitch!" As they walked in to the building, they were greeted by a doorman who instantly recognized Leo.

"Good evening, Mr. McGarry."

"Evening Barry." Leo said, smiling at the younger man.

"Michigan ended down ten points." Barry laughed as Leo's jaw dropped.

"Ten?"

"They barely bothered to show up."

Leo shook his head in mock anger. "They'll fix it next time," he called back. Taking CJ's elbow in his hand, he led her down the hallway towards the elevator, and once they were confined to the small quarters, Leo wondered if he should let go of her. He enjoyed having her so close, but the proximity was enough to make him nervous as well. He knew he shouldn't be enjoying it as much as he was.

"Fourteenth floor?" CJ looked at the number alight on the wall.

"Good view," Leo said honestly, though he also felt like he owed her the rest of the answer. He liked the higher floors because the night view reminded him of the years he spent flying, and even though he was still mortified by some aspects of his air force career, he had to admit that there were moments of absolute serenity when looking down on the world. _That's_ why he liked his hotel room; after a hectic day there was nothing greater than looking down on the capital of his favourite country on the face of the planet and feeling the peacefulness of it all.

As the doors open, Leo realized he never had let go of her elbow. Leading her out of the elevator and to his suite, he hoped that he'd be able to help her through whatever it was that was slowly destroying her.

"Nice place," CJ said, looking around what must have been a VIP suite. Even as far as DC's finest hotels went, this was almost too nice.

"Well, I moved a few of my favourite things in from the house when Jenny and I split up and the rest of it's just perks from the hotel owner," he explained, taking her coat from her and hanging it in the closet.

There wasn't much personal decoration to the room, CJ noted, and she thought for a fleeting moment that if this were her home, she would find it quite lonely without even one remembrance of the outside world.

It was too large to be a hotel room, per se, but more of a small apartment. There was a small kitchenette off the front hallway and a set of French doors off the living room that she expected would lead into the bedroom, but otherwise there was only the small office area that was nestled in a small alcove off the side of the living room.

"Do you want a cup of tea, or something a little stronger? I could have room service send up a grasshopper or something for you." He watched as she collapsed onto the sofa, and he wondered if this was a mistake.

"Water would be great," CJ said, thinking about how big of a mistake it could be. Then again, Ben might still be at her house, and although she didn't want to give Leo too much ammo, he was right; it was easier if she didn't see Ben.

"One glass of water, coming up? You hungry? I could make something..."

CJ laughed at the small glimpse of 'domestic Leo', who seemed more than willing to wait on her hand and foot.

"You're laughing... That's a good sign. Though are you laughing _at_ me? Because if you are, I have to say, it hurts, CJ." Popping his head around the corner of the kitchenette so he could see her, Leo tried his best to conceal his own smile at the sight of her sitting so comfortably on the sofa, her legs curled under her.

"I'm just wondering what Josh would think if he saw you offering to make me a sandwich." Barely able to contain a giggle, CJ continued. "Or Toby for that matter. I think that the President would be shocked that you know how to do stuff like make a sandwich."

"What did you think I do? Starve?"

"I think I always imagined that you brought Margaret home, so that when you wanted things you'd just bellow..." CJ laughed again, suddenly feeling nervous. The range of emotions she was experiencing was just too manic for her to comprehend. She wasn't usually this mental, she thought, but then again, she wasn't usually in a hotel room with her boss.

"Don't you think Toby might object to me bringing her home? After all, if I did, how would he manage to find food?" Leo winked at CJ, his heart-stopping grin proving enough to silence her.

Slipping back into the kitchenette, Leo pulled together a few munchies. Nothing big or very luxurious, but some potato chips he had bought on a whim and some crackers and cheese. He didn't know when the last time she had eaten anything was, but judging by the way she had spent the past few days holed up in her office, odds were she had barely a bite since their fight.

"If you tell anyone at the office I have a serving tray, I'll have to fire you," Leo joked, bringing out the two glasses of water and snacks, all balanced perfectly on the simple wooden service.

Something about the way he looked made CJ's heart do a flip, which suddenly caused her throat to get dry.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Not used to you being such a man-servant," CJ quipped, though secretly she hadn't minded the thought of them enjoying their own variation on domestic bliss.

"Ah, well..." Biting his tongue, he thought better than to allow any sexual innuendo to break their comfortable truce that they seemed to be enjoying. "When you've had as tough of a day as you've had, you deserve any break you can get."

CJ shrugged. She hadn't forgotten about her breakdown on the sofa in her office, nor had she managed to forget how mortified she'd been when Leo showed up. She never wanted him to see her in such shambles and to compound the embarrassment was the way she had treated Toby. She definitely owed her best friend a few drinks, if not stocks in his favorite Scotch manufacturer.

"You want to talk about it?" Sitting down next to her on the couch and placing her feet across his lap, Leo smiled warmly and rested his hands on her calves.

"What makes you think I want to talk about it?" CJ could feel her 'guard' going up, despite her best efforts to keep everything as easy and comfortable as possible. Of course, he was the one who mentioned the breakdown she had.

"Well, the fact that you didn't fight me about coming here definitely means you're not resolved to _not_ talk about it," Leo countered. "And even if you don't want to talk about it, I do."

The defiant silence that spread through out the room quickly told Leo that it might be a long night, but he had already steeled himself for it. Two could play that game; if his friendship with Jed Bartlet had taught him anything, it was that sometimes you just had to learn when _not_ to give any ground.

12

When CJ hadn't said anything for more than ten minutes, Leo decided to take matters in his own hands. He'd thought about it, and he'd decided that maybe he needed to prove something to her. If anyone could understand what she was feeling, it had to be him.

He spent years in a relationship because it was comfortable and convenient, and not because he had particularly loved Jenny. His feelings were warmer for his ex-wife than CJ's had been for her beau, but the bond of a child had really strengthened it. Before Mallory, what he and Jenny had couldn't even be generously called a relationship.

And then there were his secrets, and although she knew parts of the story, she wasn't aware of it all.

The last thing he wanted was to watch this young, vibrant woman lose any more vitality and become another replica of him: a curmudgeon of an old man who spent more time at work than at home, maintained only the most basic of friendships and was so busy buried in his office that he hadn't even noticed his assistant dating his Communications Director.

"I'm going to tell you something," he began, deciding it was a case of now or never, and the latter seemed too selfish a choice. "I'm going to tell you this once, and only once, and however you feel about this...about me...after this, well, I guess we'll just see, because honestly, I think you need to know this." Leo looked at her with intense honey-hazel eyes, his heart about to beat out of his chest.

"I thought we didn't discuss the office outside of the building," she asked, hoping with all of her heart that he wasn't about to make her life ten times harder.

"I'm telling you this as a friend, and not as your boss. I'm not telling my Press Secretary, I'm telling CJ, my friend."

"Leo, I can't handle another bombshell," CJ said, noticing how he had cringed at her statement. "I can't handle another MS scandal." Reaching to lace her fingers in his, she wondered if there was something so great that he was about to tell her that she might forget about her own distractions.

If for no other reason than his own peace of mind, he had to let her know that they had something more in common than a feeling of disappointment in themselves; they both had secrets too great to be shared without an almost unimaginable cost. This was his opportunity, as much as it could be seen as one.

"Well, it's not quite the same kind of bombshell," he shrugged. There was an implicit intimacy about the way they were sitting, now face-to-face and on the sofa, that seemed like he owed her more than he had to offer.

"Spill," CJ said, searching his expression for answers, knowing that he wouldn't give her an inch more than he thought she needed to know, but all the same feeling obligated to go through the motions.

"Just before the hearings...just after the MS thing, I was approached...and it's hard to say this, so please just hear me out." Leo looked down at their hands and wondered if this would be the end of 'them', what little potential there had been. "Back in '66 I was in Vietnam, based out of An Khe." Leo sighed at the memory. Sometimes it seemed like so long ago that it was another lifetime. Other times it seemed so recent that he still had nightmares.

She had never heard him speak of his time in Vietnam with such a quiet nervousness. CJ had only seen the retired pilot wearing his 'stoic' face, but never the man who obviously had lived through a war—something that CJ could only narrowly begin to grasp. "An Khe? Is that where you flew out of with Kenneth O'Neal?"

"Yeah, Kenny was my partner. He saved my life once." Leo sighed, running his free hand through his sandy hair, wondering if he was making an even greater mistake by telling her all this. But it was too late to turn around, and even if it hadn't been, maybe she'd finally talk to him about whatever was killing her.

CJ couldn't think of anything to say that would make it any easier to tell her whatever it was he was trying to say. She nodded and then gently squeezed his hand in encouragement for him to continue.

"It was September of '66, and I was flying an F-105 Thunderchief. We were going on what we called 'Operation Rolling Thunder," Leo explained, wondering if the tightening of his chest meant he might well have a heart attack before he finished. He couldn't begin to imagine her reaction or her disappointment in him. "355th Tactical Fighter Wing out of Thailand," Leo said, stalling.

She could tell what he was doing. If there was one thing she was all too familiar with, it was stall tactics. "Just tell me, Leo. It can't be that bad."

"I was told that on a mission to take out a target, the target I hit was not military, as I had thought. The target had been civilian. Eleven people died when I took out a bridge and because of that, I could be tried in a court for war crimes." His words seemed to flood, never slowing until the end when he finally took a breath, and released her fingers. "I never knew, not until then, and every day since I wonder how I've not paid a higher price." Leo bit back the bitter sting of pain, wishing she didn't look quite so pained by his confession. CJ Cregg was sitting there speechless, and he had just told her his deepest darkest secret.

CJ looked at him in awe, her jaw dropping open as his story spilled out of him. There was such vulnerability to his words that she almost couldn't believe it was the Leo she had worked with for so long. "Why are you telling me this?"

"That day in your office, you had asked me about the price we pay for mistakes, and all I can say is that although I would never pretend to be innocent, I am grateful that I have at least had the opportunity to enjoy a few days without that looming over my head. But I've yet to pay the price for it."

Shaking her head, she couldn't think of anything to do but wrap her arms around him. Pulling him tightly against her body, CJ felt tears flood her face again, this time mourning the eleven civilians he had accidentally killed, the people they couldn't save, and what she imagined were probably their two unsalvageable souls.

13

The morning sun streaming through the heavily slated vertical blinds created strange patterns on the wall beside the dresser. Waking up in a strange bed wasn't disorienting enough, but trying to figure out exactly what was creating the pattern disarmed CJ further. It was only when she realized that it was the air conditioner that she started to drift back to sleep again. It had to be the air conditioner, she rationalized; it was the only explanation.

After all, Leo had proven to her the night before that everything had an explanation, whether they liked it or not. There were no two ways around it: everything seemed to boil down to mistakes and their prices, paid or otherwise.

She could remember the way he had felt pressed into her arms, and the way she cried so unabashedly for what seemed like hours. He never made any effort to remove himself from her arms, or to look her in the eyes. If he had, she was certain he probably would have revealed his own tears.

The night before, when the embrace finally ended, CJ had wiped her face with the back of her hand before she looked into Leo's eyes and saw a distant sadness she had never seen before.

"Who else knows?"

"Our old unit commander. A few of the higher-ups, I'd imagine." Leo shrugged, as if in silent resolve to not consider who else might be holding a potential political grenade over his head.

"Not even the President?"

"No. There was no reason to tell him. This isn't something I want everyone to know." Leo looked toward the floor, examining the legs of the table in front of them.

"But you told me."

"You're different," he began, but not allowing himself to tell her the whole truth, he told her the least she needed to know. "I told you because I see you making the exact same mistakes," he sighed.

"Excuse me?" She was so confused by what he meant. The exact same mistakes?

"I haven't paid for that mistake CJ, but I can't stew over it every day. It'd kill me." Leo ran his hand through his sandy hair, remembering a time when there was more of it. It seemed like he was getting older by the second suddenly, when he used to think of getting older in terms of years.

Neither one had said much more. Instead, they just absorbed the silence until somewhere just after one a.m.; CJ finally had thought enough and made a decision.

"I don't want to be alone tonight," she whispered, not even sure that the voice with which she spoke was her own.

Leo looked at her, his eyes wide and his mouth open.

"I mean," CJ clarified, "that I'd rather not go back to my apartment alone."

He tried his best to hide his disappointment. The feelings he had for her definitely ran deeper than just those of a boss and his employee. "I have some t-shirts I've been given by various universities. You could pick one out of my dresser and sleep in that. And you can sleep in the bedroom. I'll sleep out here on the couch," he said very gentlemanly.

"I don't want to kick you out of your bedroom," CJ said, suddenly feeling guilty. It wasn't exactly like there was a ton of space to be had.

"Its fine," Leo assured her, quickly getting up and heading into the bedroom. "Let me just grab my pajamas, and I'll be out of your way," he called out.

Soon, she was digging through his drawer, looking for a t-shirt. There was one in the second drawer that she saw and immediately decided to put on, noting that it seemed only appropriate to wear his Michigan t-shirt in his bed.

Sliding under the sheets of the enormous bed, CJ felt very lonely and empty. He had said that she was making all the same mistakes, and as much as she didn't understand what he meant, she knew that she had made a few whopping errors in judgment.

Closing her eyes, she decided that tomorrow would be her first day of making up for all those mistakes, and she had one in particular in mind which would require her immediate attention.

CJ stretched, her arms lifted over her head and decided she should soon get up. The clock on the bedside table read 7:15 (or at least, that's what she _thought _it said, but she was pretty bleary eyed from having slept with her contacts in) and she was already late for work. Then again, it was a Saturday morning, so she wasn't so much late as she was behind schedule.

Digging through the dresser again, CJ snatched a pair of drawstring shorts from the unit and slid them on, pulling the cord to ensure they'd stay up. There was no way she was putting on a business suit to get a cup of coffee, no matter who was asleep in the living room.

Opening the stained-glass French doors, she tiptoed into the sitting area and down the hall into the kitchenette, only to be surprised by Leo standing there already, a cup of coffee in hand, doing the Times crossword while standing at the counter.

"Morning," she said, enjoying the relaxed way he looked, wearing his pajamas and doing something he loved.

"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" Looking up, reading glasses perched on his nose, he smiled.

"Well. It's a great bed," she said, almost uncomfortably. Truth be told, it hadn't been the best night's sleep, under the circumstances, but it wasn't the worst either. It had been very comforting to have him right in the next room.

"Well, you definitely make those look very good," he said, gesturing towards the shorts and t-shirt.

"I hope you don't mind – it was too early to get redressed. I needed a coffee before I could even think about it," she said, suddenly realizing she had just helped herself to his clothes, without a second thought.

"Oh, don't be silly. It's fine. They look much better on you than on me." Pouring a cup of coffee and handing it to her, Leo seemed incredibly relaxed.

"Still...thanks," she said, noticing how his eyes had already twice made the trip up and down her long legs.

"Want something to eat?"

"Are you always this hospitable?" CJ smiled, sipping her coffee. He even knew how to make good coffee. Why was there always a conflict of interest with the good guys?

"I've not had a houseguest here for a very long time. So I wouldn't know," he joked, before making his way to the fridge. "I don't exactly have much here that's edible. But there's a great restaurant downstairs, and they do room service..."

CJ nodded, grabbing the menu off the fridge. "I'm thinking about waffles," she said, a grin appearing on her face, "with fruit, and whipped cream."

Leo shook his head in surprise. He had half anticipated her to order toast, or a muffin.

Noting his surprise, CJ laughed. "At home, the only option is to walk down the block to the Starbucks and get a coffee and a chocolate cream cheese muffin or something else that's absolutely abhorrent for my waistline and has no nutritional value. Today I get to have something that's absolutely abhorrent for my waistline while maintaining some nutrition," she explained, happily.

"Waffles it is. They offer chocolate sauce or maple syrup with the waffles...which would you prefer?"

CJ thought it was cute he knew that. Obviously she had chosen something he'd ordered in the past. Quite happily, she thought about it before making her request. "Both?"

14

Monday morning came in like a lamb, which always worried Toby. He never liked walking into a building without knowing what he was going to face in the day, and all too often Mondays had the potential to surprise the hell out of him.

Still, there were numerous things to deal with from the previous week, and he felt small consolation in the fact that even though none of those items on his to do list were of great importance for the administration, it might be enough to keep the fates from playing any tricks on his staff.

First on his list of things to sort was whatever the hell was going on with his best friend.

He'd called her on Sunday night to check up on her, only to get no answer, and then when she did call back she kept the phone conversation short. Perhaps all of ten sentences were spoken.

Toby never brought up CJ's breakdown in her office. He didn't have the heart to delve back into what ever had been bothering her—especially if there was a risk of a repeat performance.

He'd had his suit jacket dry-cleaned twice over the weekend, convinced that it still smelled of her perfume and tears. It wasn't that he was trying to be insensitive, but he just didn't know how to deal with hysterical women. It wasn't his forte.

The thought crossed his mind to approach Leo at work on Monday, but that morning they ran into one another at the security point, CJ and Leo laughing about some idiot who'd cut her off, and something she had done to get retribution.Toby imagined it was probably her favorite one finger salute that she'd pulled off in Leo's presence, enticing the fits of laughter his two coworkers seemed to be enjoying.

At staff, all seemed to be well. CJ seemed like her good ol' self, with no real battle wounds glaringly obvious. A couple of things had indeed come up over the weekend, though none were insurmountable, and when Leo passed an assignment to CJ, she just laughed and made a joke. Leo returned the warm smile and all was well. Or was it? Were people just _trying_ to be normal for the sake of avoiding their own problems? He had seen it a thousand times on Oprah, though he had to admit he'd never outright say he'd seen an entire episode. He'd also seen amazing documentaries on PBS which addressed human nature, and the survival techniques of the species. Life was but one big stage, he thought, and suddenly they were all actors. But the bigger concern was, what kind of play were they in? Was it Macbeth (he'd already had his ordeal with the dry-cleaning of his jacket which was reminiscent enough of 'out, damned spot') or A Midsummer Night's Dream? Because although each had their downsides, Toby could almost vaguely hear CJ's voice saying 'I dreamt I was enamored of an ass...'

On his way past Margaret's desk, he stopped and inwardly smiled, knowing that if one person in the building would be able to help him, it was Mags, the dear she was. More importantly, he was still trying to win her back after the Miss California incident (as it had become known in their circle of friends). There'd be nary a way to keep her out of the loop on this whole budding conspiracy theory without getting him back in as much hot water.

Placing a note as discretely as possible on the surface of her desk, Toby ducked into the hallway in search of something to distract him from the growing curiosity he was feeling.

Something had happened on Friday night, he realized, and it wasn't just a matter of CJ's breakdown, as much as it was a combination of things. Perhaps it was all a greater part of some chaos theory, and surely life in the White House could easily compare, but there was something different.

Whatever chill had been mysteriously present between CJ and Leo last week, and melted away to reveal the comfort of what had been there before. The quiet camaraderie was back, as much as anyone could tell, and the civility was natural, as opposed to being as forced as it had seemed just three days earlier.

Closing the door to his office behind him, Toby thought it best to wait for Margaret's call when she got his letter before he started playing Nancy Drew again... Or the Hardy Boys. Even though he had always thought it was funny that Nancy Drew could work a case alone and the Hardy Boys were pretty interdependent.

It didn't take a nuclear physicist to figure out that CJ was in what Margaret would call a 'weird place' and that Leo had something to do with it. And moreover, it didn't require much thought to figure out that whatever was going on was probably just as much about their jobs as it was about their lives.

"A good old-fashioned mystery," Toby mumbled, grabbing a pink rubber ball in his hand before sending it soaring against the wall. "A mystery a la murder mystery hour...Who said public programming wasn't worth the funding?"

"CJ, Ben called while you were in staff. Said that he'd love to do dinner tonight. He said he'll even cook, so if you're home no later than 7:30, it'd be great." Carol, propped up in the doorway, and watched her boss settle in at her desk, seemingly paying no attention to the message.

"Can you make reservations for two at a restaurant and then call Ben back and give him those details?" Scribbling a note on a briefing book on her desk, CJ finally looked up when Carol made a strangled noise.

"You're breaking up with him?"

CJ looked at her in shock. "What makes you think I'm breaking up with him?"

Inviting herself in, she closed over the door behind her and slid into the guest seat. "He offered to make you dinner, and now you want me to make reservations? That doesn't bode well for the ranger!"

Shrugging, CJ tried to give away as little as possible. Yes, she was dumping Ben, and yes she thought it'd be easier if she did it somewhere in public (less chance of him trying to 'redeem' himself through mediocre sex), but it wasn't _that_ big of a deal, was it? "Maybe he's a bad cook?"

"Like you'd be the one to say!" Carol realized she might have overstepped the mark with her comment.

"I may not be able to cook, but I can tell what good cooking tastes like," CJ replied, feeling a little stressed by it all. She had never intended to tell anyone before she spoke to Ben. It just seemed fair that he be the first to know.

"Ok. I'll make reservations for seven and I'll clear your schedule after 6:30." Standing, Carol wondered why CJ didn't seem more upset. Breaking up with someone wasn't easy, no matter what your feelings were, but she seemed relaxed and fairly easygoing about it all. That struck her as a little strange. "Can I ask you a question?"

CJ nodded, wondering what might come next. It was starting to feel like the Spanish Inquisition.

"Is there someone else?"

It took a moment for CJ to register what she was asking. Was there someone else in her life that was taking her away from Ben? As much as she wanted to say no, she had to admit there might be a little something about someone else. "If I'm honest with you, I'd have to say yes. I'm doing this for me, though. Not anyone else."

"All right. Thanks." Making her way out the door, Carol began to wonder _who_ the new mystery man was. After all, if anyone should know, it'd be her, right?

"Hey," CJ said, making her way to the table. "I'm sorry I'm late. Parking was hell."

Ben shook his head. "And you got tied up with Toby in some meeting about something you can't talk about," he said knowingly.

"Ok, you caught me. But I was only running five minutes late until I got here and the lot was full." Smiling, she seated herself across from him, dumping her purse and jacket on the seat next to her.

It was the exactly right kind of table: in the middle of the dining room, there were the four seats and she didn't have to sit beside him. They weren't so isolated as to be able to maintain an entirely private conversation, and she doubted he'd be inclined to explode with so many people around.

"Where'd you end up parking?"

"At the convenience store. I paid the clerk ten bucks to page me if anyone other than me seemed very interested in the car."

Ben laughed. "You keep saying that you aren't maternal, but be damned if that car wasn't your baby. I've never seen anyone take such loving care of a vehicle before."

Shrugging, CJ decided not to dignify it with an answer. Yes, she loved her car. No, she was not maternal. It was merely a respect for a machine of great beauty. Just because someone could appreciate a machine, it didn't mean they had the capacity to care for another completely dependent human being.

"So, how was your weekend? I didn't see you at all."

"Busy. Things at work get nuts sometimes." She lied, so sue me, she thought. She'd only been in the White House for a few hours all weekend.

Saturday morning, after breakfast, she and Leo went for a walk and then she had hopped in her car and drove to Dayton. Despite the long trip, it was very much worth it. It was what she needed to think over the changes she needed to make to her life.

Spending the evening and Sunday morning talking to her father was what she needed. Even though he wasn't as lucid as he had been in the past, there were times when he seemed more alert than she'd ever known him. There was something about the disease that was ravaging his mind that gave him incredible fits of awareness that seemed almost super-human. Tal Cregg knew his daughter better than anyone in the world, and when he could remember who she was, they had the most remarkable times together.

"I tried calling your office, but no one answered. I was starting to worry about you." Ben reached across the table to take her hand in his, except before he could grasp it she had managed to pull it away to start picking apart a dinner roll.

"I don't answer my office phone on the weekend, most times. I usually let it go to the switchboard so they can hunt me down if they need to." So she lied again. She wasn't so much getting good at it as she didn't care whether or not he believed her. Worst case scenario, he'd break up with her first. It'd at least save her the guilt she'd feel if he seemed heartbroken.

"Oh."

"You know, you get in the groove and things start going really well, and next thing you know you're fielding calls from the editorial section of a backwater weekly."

"I'm not a backwater weekly," Ben said, feeling a little hurt.

"No, no. That's not what I was saying. I was just saying that I get so many calls at the office that it's incredibly distracting if I don't turn my phone off when I'm working." CJ chewed her lip, realizing that this was much harder than she had thought. She had hoped that it would be easy, like just saying to him 'you're a good guy, but you're not meant for me'. Instead it was like beating her head against a cement wall.

"When did you decide that you were going to break up with me?"

The words shocked her, sending chills through her.

When she didn't reply, Ben asked again, this time looking her squarely in the eye. "When did you decide that we weren't 'meant to be'?"

"Look you're a great guy, really." CJ took in as much oxygen as she could, worried that if she didn't breathe now she might pass out. This was much more stressful than she thought it would be.

"But?"

"But...I don't have the time to give you. There aren't enough hours in the day for me to dedicate time to you like you deserve."

"I'm not a puppy, damn it, Claudia!" There it was. The voice she was hoping to avoid; the voice that was louder than she hoped he'd use in public.

"I'm not saying you are! Listen to me, before you put words in my mouth!" Trying to maintain a degree of composure, CJ leaned further forwards. "We're two very different people, Ben. We are two very different people with very different lifestyles. And you know that too, so why you insist that this has to be hard, I'll never understand."

"What makes us so different? What makes us such polar opposites that you can't make the time for me?" The sadness in his voice made her wonder what kind of excuses his wife had used when she broke up with him.

"Look...I hate guns."

"So?"

"You carry a gun." She knew it wasn't an excuse, but she was just searching out ANY reason to give him. Something he might be able to understand.

"I carry a gun so I don't get killed by a bear or a criminal. I don't go around killing people," he argued.

"Ok...I _like_ having two hundred and fifty channels with nothing on them. And with all their silly names. Sometimes it's fun to have the 'naturalist discovery channel' special on entomology." CJ knew that it wasn't a very good excuse either.

"You're breaking up with me over a gun and television channels?" The horrified look on his face let her know it wasn't going nearly as well as she had hoped.

"I'm breaking up with you because the more time I spend with you, the more I know I don't want to spend time with you. I don't want to grow old with you." CJ took a sip of her water and tried to calm down a bit. The urge to tell him that she wanted nothing to do with him was overwhelming.

"Ok." Folding his napkin, Ben looked at the water glass in front of him and gathered his composure.

"Ok?"

"I can't fight with you, CJ. You don't tell me where you are half the time anyway. I never know if you're ok, and even when you're not, you won't tell me anyway. So I give up. I thought we were good for each other, but I guess we're not. I guess I don't mean as much to you as you do to me. I'm sorry 'bout that too, because I really love you." Standing, he decided not to look back.

As he walked away, CJ heaved a sigh of relief. If nothing else, he was gone now, and she was free to figure out what she really wanted from life. But before anything else, she was going to go back to her place, and soak in a long bubble bath with a glass of wine and some warm jazz to help her think.

15

Standing up and whistling to draw attention to her, CJ smiled before she made her announcement. "All right children. There's a restaurant that just opened this weekend down the block, and for tonight's outing, the assistants have voted it as the winner. So, this fine establishment serves Lebanese food, and you can count on it to be garlicky."

"CJ," Toby whined.

"No, Pokey, you can't get out of it."

Leo looked at the two, amused by how CJ could bring the 'kid' out in Toby. "CJ, you may have to just beat him over the head and drag him to the restaurant like the Neanderthal he is..."

The comment from Leo drew a warm smile from CJ. "I knew you knew him as well as I do!"

"Could you two stop picking on me? It's Thursday morning, which means that tonight I'll be the inspiration for all your jokes. Give me a break." Standing, Toby wondered when Josh would be back in staff to give him the vote needed to sway the teasing elsewhere.

"All right, all right," Leo conceded. "Ceej, you wanna stick around and go over some strategy with me?"

"On what?" Toby asked, intrigued.

"On how best to torture you tonight, of course," CJ said, an evil grin crossing her face.

"I'll be in my office," Toby said, storming out the door, not even noticing Margaret trying to flag him down.

Walking CJ up the stairs to her door, Leo wondered what had changed with her. She was so much more alive than she had been in recent memory, and it seemed that her sense of humor was back with a vengeance. He loved seeing her so in control and vivacious. She reminded him of the early days on the campaign, when she worked so hard all day, and at night dragged the guys out dancing to work off their frustrations.

"Want to try that tea thing again?" CJ smiled, leaning against her door.

"What? Smokey the Bear isn't gonna barge out of your kitchen?" Leo laughed at the expression of mock anger on CJ's face.

"He better not."

"Working night shift, is he?"

CJ shrugged. "I wouldn't know." Reading the look of confusion on his face, she decided to spare him the guessing games. "I broke up with him."

He still couldn't quite decide what to say. It wasn't a 'congratulations' situation, no matter how much he felt it might apply. He couldn't very well say 'congrats on getting rid of that cancerous growth of a boyfriend.' It wasn't even a 'oh, I'm so sorry' kind of thing.

"Stop trying to think of the sensitive thing to say, Leo, and say what you feel." The grin on her face was enough to tell him that she wasn't mad at him. There was probably, he figured, some degree of safety in honesty.

"I'm glad. He wasn't right for you," Leo said with conviction.

"Ha! Try telling him that. Ugh, might as well have used a two-by-four up side of his head."

"That bad?"

"I'll tell you over tea," CJ said, once again extending her offer.

"Ok. But only as long as you promise not to spare any of the juicy details," Leo said in a way that was oddly reminiscent of Carol and Margaret over lunch in the mess.

"Oh, there aren't many juicy details of breaking up with him. But somehow it did come down to television channels and guns." CJ watched as Leo tried to decipher what she meant. "Come in. We'll get the tea on and then I'll tell you," she assured him.

"You did not use that as an excuse!" Leo looked at her in awe, wondering if she was totally lying to him.

"I did. We had talked about television channels once, in my office... and it was a day when I felt like crap. Remember, when I had them remove all but one chair for each media outlet? Then...Anyway, we talked about it over lunch and I guess... I guess I just felt like..."

"You needed something to tell him?"

"Yeah." She looked rather relieved that he understood why she had used such an incredibly unfounded rationale to break up with someone who could be considered a pretty fantastic guy.

"I guess there weren't exactly dozens of options open to you."

"I could do what Mallory did with that football player who wouldn't leave her alone..." CJ looked at Leo, expecting a reaction.

"Do **not** tell anyone you're gay, CJ, unless you plan on spending your life with another woman," Leo admonished.

"Hey, I was the one who had to clear up the disaster in the press room, so if anyone has an appreciation for how bad of an idea that was, it's me."

"Oh no, Ceej, you don't get to be the one worst off this one—I had to have the 'I'll love you no matter what...all I want is for you to be happy' talk." Leo blushed at the memory. He had totally floundered and somewhere in there he had also stuttered and gibbered on about how times had changed and how it was a time of 'anything goes' as much as it was a time of 'nobody really cares'. Even he wasn't sure what he had said, but it probably wouldn't have been of much comfort if Mallory did have a secret life.

CJ broke out into hysterical laughter at the thought of him trying to say the right thing, all the while nearly beating his head into the wall. Leo had a heart of gold, but when he got flustered he could really dig himself a deep hole.

"Hey!"

"Oh, no... I'm just thinking...That talk...we should use it for public service announcements, I bet it was just that good!" Barely able to contain her laughter, CJ tried to settle herself, concentrating on the cup of tea in her hand.

"Yeah, for Tourette's syndrome, perhaps but definitely not for pride week. There was a whole lot of 'ah, Christ...' and 'well, I mean... Jesus... What I'm trying to say...' moments."

CJ just shook her head. "I'm sure it went great; somehow I can't imagine you not being the talented professional that you are. You're just too good at keeping a level head."

Sipping his tea, Leo felt oddly pleased by her impression of him. As much as she knew him, she still seemed to think that he was much more even-keeled than he was. "When you think your only daughter might be gay...That's when you realize that you're not as 'level-headed' as you normally think you are."

"Ah, children. Now there's a topic I couldn't handle," CJ said, hoping some sliver of indifference shone through.

"Never wanted kids?"

"Never had the right man to have kids with. Now, had I known I should be seeking out the right woman..."

"CJ..." His voice was low and warning, in that way that said 'you're not going to get around a serious topic by avoiding it so lamely'.

She shrugged. "Never met the right person. Never stayed still long enough. Always worked too hard."

"Do you regret it?"

"I don't know. I'd be a crap mother, I'm sure." CJ thought back to all the times she'd forgotten to pick up her dry cleaning, and wondered if she'd accidentally forget the kid at daycare sometime and never pick it up again.

"I doubt that. I mean, Mal turned out ok, and look at me and Jenny. Honestly, I wasn't exactly father of the year. And Jenny did her best, but she's not exactly mom of the year."

"Well, too little, too late," CJ said. "No use getting all worked up over it now, when there isn't much I can do about it."

Biting his tongue, Leo felt like saying something. There's plenty she could do, he thought, but it wasn't his place to tell her. CJ was a grown woman, and he was only there to be her friend, not her conscience.

"Anyway...It's three in the morning and we both have to be at work later today, so, why don't you go crash in the guest room, and then in the morning we'll swing by your hotel and pick up some clean clothes? We might as well get as much sleep as possible."

"Sounds good," Leo said, secretly wishing they could spend more nights like this with each other. It had been a really comfortable atmosphere and a great chance to talk.

"Alright, well, follow me Mr. McGarry; your room awaits." Gesturing for him to follow, CJ began towards the steps. "Now, I'd offer you something to wear, but I fear all I have is, well, women's clothes. Well, and a few of Ben's t-shirts which I'm saving for a bonfire. So you'll have to be creative."

"What? You don't think I'd want to wear something pink and lacey?"

CJ turned around, mid step, and looked down on him. "Do you really want to talk about my pink and lacies?"

Leo swallowed hard, trying to think thoughts about anything except her clothes or how they look on her. "Uh, so, that guest room would be where?"

"Follow me," she said, leading on with a little extra swing in her hips. Yep, she still had it.

16

"I don't get it, that's all I'm saying." Toby hoped that Margaret wouldn't slap him again. After all, once in a day was enough. Soon he'd be in a position to charge her with boyfriend abuse, he thought.

"You don't understand why your friend is happy?" As much as he didn't 'get' why CJ was happy, Margaret couldn't understand why it was such a big deal. Shouldn't they be happy for her, especially in light of how miserable she had been weeks before?

"I'm glad she's happy! I'm ecstatic. But I don't understand how it happened. One day she was miserable and pouting and the next day she's whistling!" Toby sipped his coffee and wondered what had changed.

"As their friends, it's our job to be supportive and encourage them!" Ops. There was something to be said about keeping your mouth shut, and it was the right time.

"As 'their' friends? Weren't we just talking about CJ?"

Margaret nodded. "Yeah, yeah, we were. I just... I was thinking that the same kind of thing applies to a friend of mine. So in the general sense of the word, I meant we. But it easily could be you. Or me, for any matter."

Toby wasn't biting, she could tell. He had that look on his face as if to say: yeah and I'm the cat's mother.

"If you know something about CJ's sudden rush of joyfulness, you've got an obligation to spill it. Come on, give it up." He gave her his best no-nonsense glare, and hoped that it would motivate her to tell him.

Margaret knew him well enough to know that nothing would come of it really if she didn't tell him. Well, other than the obvious: he'd pout for a few days and probably whine, but otherwise there'd be no real repercussions. Toby was just a big teddy bear no matter how gruff and prickly of an exterior he put up. "Not spilling anything. Besides, there's nothing really to spill."

"Ah, but you say that, and what you really mean is 'there's nothing really to spill..._to me_.'"

He sure was smarter than the average bear, she thought. She had to give him credit for it. After all the years of education he'd survived, he wasn't about to be erroneously thrown off the scent of gossip.

"Ok, but if I talk to you, you have to promise not to say anything to anyone. No one." She watched carefully, making sure he nodded his agreement with her terms. "And if you do speak to anyone, the fallout will be greater than it was when I learned of your little former Miss California," she threatened, before biting off another piece of her sandwich.

Toby again nodded, though he had to think a little harder on that one. He spent six nights on a sofa bed without pillows or a comforter, and although he'd had the option of going home, he knew it would only prolong his punishment.

"CJ has met a new man," Margaret said in almost a whisper.

"She has? Why hasn't she said anything to me? I'm supposed to be her best friend!" And the pouting began.

"You _are_ her best friend, but for now he's her little secret. Except we can all see it. And he really likes her, we know it, but they've not told each other yet..." Margaret was trying to keep it comfortable. The sooner she mentioned Leo's name, the sooner Toby would blow his stack.

"So who is the loser? I mean, it's not another high school sweetheart turned ex-convict, is it?"

Margaret did a double take. "CJ dated an ex-con?" For all the bonds of the sisterhood, how was it possible that she wasn't aware of that little matter?

"Um..." Toby tried to think quickly but to no avail, he'd already put his foot in it. "I'll tell you later?" He begged, hoping that would sway her to finish telling her who this guy was.

"Oh, damn straight you will," Margaret assured him.

"So... If he's so great, why is he a secret?"

"Because they've both been too slow to figure out that the other person likes them back." Margaret grinned at the look her response produced. He was confused, definitely.

"They're not going out then, but CJ's acting all goofy and like the world is perfect?"

"They've been spending a lot of time together," Margaret clarified. "But they've not done anything about their feelings. Or at least, that I can tell."

"So who is this mystery man who has such deep feelings for CJ?"

"Leo," Margaret said, before taking the coffee from his hand and kissing him.

Sure enough, Toby got caught up in the moment, entangling his hands in her hair. "Wait... You're not playing fair...again."

"Don't be mad. Nothing's happened, and it might very well stay that way." Margaret leaned a little closer. "Besides, people have a problem with us being together, but that's not going to stop us, is it?"

Toby shook his head, dizzied by the information, the kiss and her proximity.

"Then?"

"Ok. Fine. But if something does happen, I'm planning on talking to them," Toby said before searching out her lips again. Margaret nodded, and hoped that he'd have enough time to warm up to the idea.

"So there's this concert in the park. And I guess they're bringing in some pretty awesome singers..." CJ thought a little harder about it, wondering what she could say. She'd already practiced about half a dozen different ways to ask him to go with her, but none of them seemed to work.

"And you want me to go with you," Carol said smoothly, obviously having overheard CJ practicing.

"Sure, Carol, but only as long as you realize I expect sex at the end of the night." CJ smiled sweetly, waiting for her assistant's response.

"You know, CJ, if you tell him that part, he'll jump at the opportunity." Carol was grinning ear to ear, noticing she had shaken her boss. That wasn't an easy feat, definitely.

"Very pun-ny. Ha ha." CJ picked an imaginary piece of lint of her blouse before seating herself behind her desk again.

"So, you're finally asking him?"

Looking up from the monitor in front of her, CJ tried to look shocked. "Who?"

"Leo."

"Why would I be asking Leo?" Ok, so maybe she was a little busted. After all, if Carol had picked up in, that meant that most of the sisterhood already knew. If they all knew already, that meant there was a good chance that Abbey knew, and it might have already made it's rounds back to the President (and of course Leo). Maybe they all knew she had a crush on Leo.

"Do you _really_ want me to answer that," Carol asked sweetly.

"Maybe." Beginning to tap a pen against the corner of her desk, she wondered if she seemed as nervous as she felt.

"Ok, well, he's suddenly coming out with us for our weekly decompress," Carol began, a list already formed.

"He's our friend. Why shouldn't he?" Good save, she hoped.

"Well, then, why was it last week someone's foot kept accidentally finding its way across under the table?"

"Margaret and Toby are pretty compulsive. Have you seen them lately? They don't keep their hands to themselves..." Ok, so not true but maybe her assistant didn't know any better.

"If that was Margaret's foot then she had better apply to Cirque De Soleil." Carol smiled. "You check your makeup before staff."

"I don't want to look like death when I'm going into a room full of colleagues."

"You purposely wander down by the Oval on your way back from briefings."

"I want to see if there's anything I need to take care of."

"You don't have to admit it, CJ, because we already know. And we're happy for you both, so just get over it, ok?" Carol made her way out of the office, knowing that the rest of the day would be spent purposely not doing the things that she had listed.

Oh yeah, CJ had it bad.

17

"Leo!" CJ managed to flag him down on his way out of the building. She had intended to ask him earlier in the day, but somehow things got out of hand, what with terrorist bombings in South Africa and Josh and Donna flying back in from Germany.

"Ceej, you still here?" Leo shook his head admonishingly.

"You're still here," she pointed out, inviting him to be a hypocrite. "And I was in my office watching the last part of a made for TV movie about the bombing of Pearl Harbor."

"Just the last part?"

"Well," CJ said, finally managing to be standing beside him, "I did spend the first half briefing about Donna's health, and the exploding embassies."

Leo shrugged. "Was it any good?"

"The briefing or the movie?" CJ tried to look genuinely confused as to what he was asking.

"The movie. The briefings are always good." Shifting his briefcase from one hand to the other, Leo watched her try to hide her smile. It wasn't working. She just didn't know how to take a compliment well.

"Oh, you know what? I never even thought to ask... You in a hurry?" She wondered if maybe she was keeping him from something.

"Nah. Just on my way back to the hotel." Leo smiled, encouraging her to continue what ever it was she chased him down for.

"Just..." God, she felt like a moron. She just wanted to ask him to join her for a concert in the park, followed by some coffee. It wasn't exactly a marriage proposal.

"Should we go back inside? If this is going to be a while, I could brew a pot of coffee," Leo teased, his trademark grin shining through.

Shaking her head, CJ decided to just ask. It wasn't such a big deal, she kept telling herself. "I was just wondering if you had plans for Saturday night."

"Just the dinner with Mallory in Georgetown. She wants to introduce me to her new boyfriend."

"And he's a man, and she likes him enough to not feign being gay?"

"Come on, Ceej, you've never used the excuse? Mallory assures me that it's pretty tested and true." He felt strange having this conversation standing just outside the doors of the White House, but he wasn't sure if inviting her back would get him in trouble.

"I've not. More importantly, have _you_?" Raising her eyebrows, she waited for his horrified response.

"CJ!"

"Sure, sure, when the going gets tough, the tough get all ..." she bit her tongue and avoided saying 'domineering and sexy' and instead went for what was safe. "Defensive."

Leo shrugged. "Call me crazy, but maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation here?"

"You got a better idea?" CJ had to admit, she enjoyed the cheeky banter they shared. It was very unprofessional in many ways.

"Come on back to the hotel, and we'll get a cup of tea maybe?"

Her heart raced at the thought, which was the first indication that maybe she shouldn't, but as she climbed into his car and the driver drove away from the building, she heard Leo finally say, "So, what are we doing on Saturday after we have dinner with Mal?"

By the time they were back to the hotel, Leo had agreed to go to the concert in the park with CJ after what he was certain would be a catastrophic dinner.

It never went well when Mallory asked him to meet her boyfriends. Part of it was definitely that there could never be anyone good enough for his little girl, but it was just as much that she always seemed to choose guys who were the polar opposite of him; 'jocks' with the mentality of Andrew Jackson's big block of cheese. The one time she had dated someone 'like' him, it had been Sam, and that had been a disaster. Mallory would never quite understand that in the world of politics, sometimes there's more than meets the eye.

"Think that a few acoustic guitars in the park might salvage the night?" CJ asked, settling onto the overstuffed couch.

"It's a folk festival?" Leo tried his best to look indignant. "It's a hippy love-in?"

CJ giggled at his mock anger, and thought it was great how sweet he could be. "Well, it's only a love-in if that's what you're expecting to get from it," she shot off the cuff, only afterwards realizing what she implied. "And there will be a lot more than just guitars."

"Still...do I need beads and sandals to go to this, or can I wear normal clothes?"

"Normal clothes. If they're linen," CJ said, making the exception.

Leo laughed. "I should know never to get into this game with you because you always win, Claudia Jean." The sparkle in his eyes showed just how much he enjoyed sparring with her.

"I like that," CJ said.

"Sparring with me?"

"No. The way you say my name." CJ settled, legs crossed, her skirt strategically settled to cover her.

It was much too comfortable suddenly. The room seemed much too small, or at least she seemed much too close to him. "Coffee? Tea? A snack?" He didn't know what else to do. It seemed only natural for him to avoid eye contact and busy himself.

CJ shrugged. "Something with as little caffeine as possible. I'm banking on getting some sleep tonight," she informed him.

Leo disappeared into the kitchen and very soon there was a decadent aroma wafting through the suite.

When he appeared a few minutes later with steaming frothy drinks, CJ inspected them, intrigued.

"My mother's recipe. It's what she used to call burned milk."

CJ scrunched her nose in disapproval of the name before Leo explained further. "There's no burned milk, I promise. Just good ol' fashioned milk with some vanilla, boiled on the stove."

Accepting the proffered mug, CJ had to admit it smelled _really_ good. Sipping, she smiled. "You're so domestic. And this is really good."

"I know," Leo admitted. "If I wasn't busy running the country I'd probably be doing something silly like watching cooking shows all day."

CJ laughed at the image of Leo being glued to hours of the show Margaret had mentioned before—the one that she described as soft porn. "I hear you have a thing for massaging a leg of lamb?"

"Now _that's_ not a leak I'd want to see headlining the Post!" Indignantly he drank from his cup, wondering if CJ had a vaguely domestic side herself, or if interior decorating was as far as it got.

"How do you think I'd feel? I mean, I'm the one who has to mastermind a brilliant strategy that doesn't sound like you're into something that is very clearly not favored by the voting majority." Stifling a laugh, CJ tried to be as serious as possible. "On another note, folks, I just want you to know that Chief of Staff Leo McGarry has decided to pursue his relationship with Lamb Chop, and those wishing them well should send money to PETA in lieu of gifts."

"Cut it out," he laughed, thoroughly entranced by her. Everything about CJ just kept him undeniably attentive.

"Or what?" She giggled.

"Or... I won't go to the love-in with you," he teased, knowing full well that the promise of another Saturday night with CJ would get him through the rest of the week.

"You'll go," CJ assured him. "Because you'll want me to save you from Mal's new guy."

"You're right," Leo conceded easily.

The room returned to a comfortable silence, both Leo and CJ nursing their drinks.

"What would you do if you weren't in politics," Leo asked, finally breaking the silence with a question that had often popped into his consciousness.

Staring into the bottom of her cup as if it had all the answers in the world, CJ took a deep breath. "I don't know. It scares me sometimes, but it seems like my entire life was leading up to this..."

"Not when you were at Triton-Day," Leo observed. "That wasn't very political..."

"But it was," CJ corrected. "Even that gave me a network, and the salary to invest in the things I cared most about. After being the Press Secretary for the President of the United States, I'm not sure what can really follow that."

"You think your résumé's hit a road block, talk to the President. Or even me."

"Ah, but you can lecture."

"Not that I want to," he admitted. "We'll see though."

"I think I might settle down finally. Find a nice job where I'll only work forty or fifty hours a week..." A wicked grin spread to her lips. "Who knows, I might even meet a nice man and we'll plant an herb garden."

Leo didn't know what was so hysterical about that image, but the idea of CJ tending to an herb garden caused him to burst into laughter.

Suddenly a pillow came out of nowhere and Leo felt it hit him in the shoulder, full force. Stunned, he looked over at CJ, who had a mischievous expression on her face.

"Did you just hit me with a pillow," he asked indignantly.

"Maybe."

"Maybe, huh?" Laughing, Leo watched as she carefully sipped her drink and thenset her coffee cup down on the table as if to invite him to just _try_ something. The invitation was all too tempting he thought.

Lunging towards her he grabbed her waist and began to tickle her. It was, he hoped, a moment of absolute complete insanity because there was no good reason he could fathom why he was doing it.

The laughter which filled his hotel room seemed to be the best sound in the world, he thought, as CJ squirmed in his grasp.

And of all the ways he thought he might spend an evening, this was better than any of them.

18

The week progressed viciously slow. The knowledge that Saturday night would be spent in CJ's company was enough to totally distract Leo from everything throughout the week.

Leo kept drifting back to their tickle fight and how melodious CJ's laughter seemed, combined with the fact that somewhere in the course of it, Leo's hand had somehow managed to find bare skin. At that exact moment, his voice hitched in his throat and it seemed like everything around them went on spontaneous pause. As cliché as it sounded, his world had come to a screeching halt.

Neither CJ nor Leo acknowledged where his hand had landed, though they had both memorized the look of it on the skin of her creamy smooth stomach.

Somehow they managed to avoid discussing it; instead Leo once again offered to sleep on the couch to save CJ the trip home. She had giggled something about a slumber party and the tension was broken, even if the memory was still just as present.

And ever since, Leo had been finding himself distracted more and more by the memory of that night. Everything about it had seemed so natural, that he had to wonder how he had lived so long without it.

CJ was like breathing to him, even if she didn't know it. She was such an essential a part of his life that it seemed only natural by Saturday night that any case of the nerves he'd had, gave out to complete exhilaration and anticipation. Leo was going out with CJ for a concert in the park, and it seemed incredibly right.

"You do look amazing," Leo said to CJ for what must have been the sixth time in the evening. He just about had a heart attack when she came to the door wearing a little black dress, as Jenny had always called it. Perfectly fitting and cut to mid-knee, the v-necked black dress with the very simple lines had caught his attention (as she had intended it to) and the simple drop onyx necklace that she wore had drawn his attention to her exceptional collarbone.

CJ once again blushed at his statement. She had worn the dress because it had fit well, and she always got particularly good feedback on that one. It was dressy enough for dinner, but nice and casual enough that later in the park she could just wrap up in a blanket and sit comfortably on the ground. "Thank you," she said, thrilled that the dress was having the desired effect. Leo's eyes seemed hard pressed to stop their exploration of her.

Mallory had been thoroughly absorbed in her new beau that at several points in the evening, she disappeared off to the dance floor with him, gently swaying his arms, all the while leaving CJ and Leo to joke about how they could sneak out and probably go unnoticed at any point.

"You think they've come up for air," CJ commented, giggling at the sight of Mallory O'Brien swaying back and forth in the arms of an oversized football star, her lips very conveniently locked on his.

"I don't know, but we might all be arrested for indecent exposure," Leo quipped.

"Hey, speak for yourself," she grumbled. At his confused expression, CJ clarified. "If I'm ever indecent, you'll know it," she promised, her voice in what could only be described as a low purr.

He swallowed hard before taking a sip of his water and willing his body to think about defense plans and not what CJ _might_ mean by the statement. It had been a game he started playing not long after they started working together. Sometimes she said things that seemed overtly sexual, but he knew he had to be wrong, instead accusing himself of being a dirty old man. Whenever he got riled up, Leo thought about any one of numerous things: defensive actions, the President's last speech, or the last communications' department blunder, just to name what had gotten him through the last week. It worked most of the time.

"Think we should go and separate them? Send them to their corners," Leo asked, once again watching the show in front of him.

"Only if you want her to hate you forever. Daughters don't like being pried off their boyfriends at any age, but especially once they've hit their thirties," CJ explained.

Leo shrugged. "She doesn't like him very much," he rationalized. "I'd be doing her a favor."

CJ chuckled at the thought. "Do you want to be the one to tell her that she doesn't much like him, because her body seems to be telling a different story."

Certain that CJ was right, Leo tried not to let his daughter ruin his evening. So Mallory was dating a loser. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. At least this one wasn't a starving artist. If for some ungodly reason she decided to stay with him, at least he'd manage to support her more than comfortably.

"I'm going to sneak away to the powder room for a minute," CJ said, excusing herself from the table. "When I get back, I'd like a dance."

Leo smiled at the thought of wrapping her in his arms and holding her close. "Sounds like a great idea," he beamed, his eyes twinkling.

As CJ made her way through the restaurant towards past the dance floor and beyond, Leo watched her. The back of her dress was as wonderfully fitting as the front, and the neckline continued its plunge all the way around, offering an exceptional view of her shoulders and back.

"She's beautiful, isn't she," Mallory asked, approaching the table and noticing the admiration in her father's eyes. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together and realize that he had a huge crush on the press secretary.

"She is," Leo agreed, before smiling at his daughter and waiting for her to take a seat. "Where's Goran gone?"

"To the restroom, he'll be back in a minute I'm sure." Settling in her seat, she thought about a strategic way to ask her father, but instead she decided subtlety left too much room for error. "So, how long have you and CJ been going out?"

Leo looked at his daughter with a mixture of horror and appreciation. He was mortified at having that conversation with her, but equally happy that she wasn't throwing things yet. The fact that the conversation was still light and friendly meant that he probably wouldn't have to confiscate her knives. "CJ and I aren't going out."

Mallory gave him the 'duh' look. "I can see the way you look at each other. If you're not going out, then why aren't you?"

"That's not the kind of relationship we have," Leo tried to rationalize, though it was as much for his benefit as for hers.

"Sure. Well, I've never seen you laugh more, or seem so completely happy, so whatever it is, it has been good for you. Goran and I have felt like maybe we needed to give you both some space, seeing the looks you two keep shooting each other." She watched as her father tried to hide his embarrassment at being such an open book, but it was to no avail. He couldn't stop himself from looking so totally happy.

"I hope you're not uncomfortable," Leo said, waiting for her real answer. CJ wasn't exactly the same age as him. In fact, it would be easier to say that she wasn't _that much_ older than his daughter.

"I'm happy for you," she assured him, smiling as she saw her boyfriend approaching the table.

"Where'd CJ disappear off to," Goran asked, settling in and taking Mal's hand in his own.

"The powder room," Leo said, sipping his water. "She should be back any time now and we can order something sinfully delightful."

Mallory grinned at her father, now completely certain that he was head over heals in love, whether he knew it or not. He wasn't a real big 'treat' man, and if it came down to a decadent dessert or a good pastrami sandwich, the sandwich would win.

Looking over the menu for something that he thought CJ might like, Leo grinned inwardly that the night was going so well. Even Goran the inept football player didn't seem so bad.

She didn't expect to see him there. In fact, he was the last person she expected to run into while coming out of the lady's restroom at an upscale DC restaurant. Her mind was practically doing back flips trying to comprehend how she managed to encounter the ex-Vice President in a restaurant while on a non-date.

What a way to ruin a perfectly good evening.

"John," CJ said coolly, noticing that he had inched towards her in the seconds since she first realized he was there.

"Hey, CJ, you look absolutely marvelous." His eyes appraised her, making the long trip up and down her legs before speaking again. "I hope whoever you're here with is worth that dress."

"I know I do," she said, fighting the urge to just haul off and hit him. "And I don't need to have someone to wear a dress for. I wear things for me," she said, unconvincingly.

"How've you been?"

CJ laughed at the nerve of the man before her. He wanted to make small talk? "I've been well. I've not had many run-ins with you as of late, so better than I've been for quite a while."

"Oh, now that hurts, CJ," John practically cried, feigning upset.

"Sure it does. Well, if you go back to whatever long legged, blonde headed Barbie doll you're with tonight, I'm sure that you'll soon forget all about the pain," she spit. Everything about him made her skin crawl.

"You think so little of me?"

The grin on his face told her that she wasn't far from right. "She's a brunette, isn't she John?"

Smiling smugly, John enjoyed the expression on her face as it fell. Whatever sense of security she was feeling, it was long gone.

"So, who are you here with? Anything I might read about in the papers tomorrow?"

The repulsion CJ was feeling was only surpassed by the anger. "I'm not the one who makes the headlines. That's your job."

"Oh, but it's one of those things," John said coolly. "You're not immune to public speculation."

Shrugging him off, CJ thought it better to walk away before she said something she'd regret, or worse yet, before she did something she'd regret. Walking back towards the dining room, she knew that he was still right behind her. He was following her!

"Leave me alone," CJ spat, her tone firm and thankfully not letting him know just how unsteady she was feeling.

"I just want to talk, that's all... For old time's sake," he drawled. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to face him.

"Let go of me."

"I just want to talk to you..." He seemed bigger and more intense than she remembered, imposing more than a little fear in her.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Squeezing her arm, he maintained a firm grip on her. "You've come a long way from the woman who was threatening me, haven't you?"

"Let me go," was all CJ could manage to say, her words almost choking her.

She must not have been as quiet as she thought she was, because in what seemed to be seconds, Leo was there in front of her, and John had dropped her arm.

"John."

"Leo."

Turning to CJ, Leo couldn't believe how shaken she looked. Her gray pallor and shaking reminded him all too much of that night not so long ago when he walked into her office to find her in shambles. "You ok?" When she nodded, he was fairly certain that she was indeed not.

"So, you guys having dinner together?" John asked, his attempt at being friendly blatantly overdone.

"Should I ask what's going on here?" Leo knew that there was more than just a not-so-friendly encounter, and for whatever reason, CJ wasn't stepping up to tell him. Considering the look on her face, it wasn't just a less than amiable meeting in a restaurant.

"Just saying hi," John said. "But I should get back to my date. Nice seeing you again, CJ." Smiling, he winked at her and made his way back towards his waiting companion.

Leo watched him saunter back towards the table and wondered what had the ex-Vice President in such a 'cat who ate the canary' mood. "You ok, Ceej? Honestly."

Nodding, CJ realized she was holding her arm. He hadn't hurt her really, as much as she had been shaken by the whole situation, and now a restaurant full of DC's most elite were staring at her. Leaning in towards Leo, in a small voice, CJ finally managed to say something. "Please, take me home."

Agreeing, Leo led her first to their table to apologize to Mallory and then out of the restaurant under the watchful eye of John Hoynes.

19

Leo hadn't dared break the silence in the car on the way back to CJ's place. He couldn't imagine what had put her so close to the edge, but something had, and all that really mattered was that he figure out a way to fix it.

As he led her into the house, he noticed that she didn't even stop to take off her shoes, just continued her way up the stairs and disappeared into the dark hallway.

Leo quelled the urge to follow her. He couldn't exactly invite himself so far into her home that he might make her more uncomfortable.

After a couple of moments of quiet contemplation, Leo took off his shoes and hung his jacket in the hall closet, before making his way into the living room. He'd give her a few minutes to cool down, or calm down or whatever it was she needed, and then go talk to her. Maybe then she'd be willing to speak to him.

Something had happened from the time she left the table to the time when Leo interrupted the strained encounter with John Hoynes. He had no clue what _that_ had been all about.

Settling in to wait for her to come down the stairs, Leo toyed with the idea of making his way up the stairs to check on her. The last thing he wanted to do was invade her private space but he didn't want to leave her alone either.

Everything had happened so quickly, he realized. One minute they were joking and flirting, and the next minute they had found themselves in the car wrapped in silence.

Sitting on the couch, Leo looked around the room and decided that he would rather give her some space than smother her. An hour, he told himself. She deserved at least that to herself.

"CJ?" Leo knocked on the bedroom door and hoped she wouldn't mind him coming to her.

He'd tried waiting it out. He'd even tried calling her but to no avail, CJ was not going to talk to him of her own freewill, which only left him one alternative—he had to go to her.

Pushing the door open, Leo willed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The room seemed mysteriously still, and if he didn't know better, he'd think she wasn't in there.

"You're still here?" CJ asked, obviously surprised that Leo had not yet left.

"I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to leave you alone like this." Still standing in the doorframe, Leo thought he might be able to see her, though he wasn't sure. "Could we turn on a light here, Ceej, because I really don't want to trip over something?"

CJ flicked on the bedside lamp which flooded the room with streams of yellow light.

His eyes focusing on her, he realized that she had been crying and he kicked himself for not having been there for her. She needed a friend and he had been downstairs debating his next move. "Hey, sweetheart. How're you feeling?"

"Like I've been driven over by a train," she complained, bringing the back of her hands to her face to wipe away the tears that remained.

"Want to talk about it?" Kneeling on the floor beside her bed, Leo recognized his mistake almost immediately—he'd feel it in his knees when he tried to stand up.

"No."

Leo sighed. "Okay, well, let me rephrase the question: is there someone you'd feel comfortable talking to, and can I bring them here so you can?"

CJ was sitting with her chin resting on her knees, wearing an old pair of jogging pants and a tank top. She seemed so small and fragile, Leo thought.

"I like spending time with you," she whispered.

Leo felt like telling her that he spent most of his time distracted by the idea of spending time with her, but knew that this had to be her 'let down'. This was the part where she said 'I like spending time with you, but...' "No need to say it, CJ. I totally understand." After all she had been through, she at least deserved one easy out.

"No need to say what?"

"Anything. I've enjoyed getting to know you better too, and I'm glad that we've had this time..." His heart wrenched at the thought of not being able to spend time with her anymore.

"So we're not going to have anymore time?" For the second time in one night, CJ's mouth went dry and her body tensed.

"Isn't that what you were saying?" He looked at her, hopeful that he was misunderstanding what she was trying to say.

"I was going to say that it's been really great to get to know you better. I've liked it," she continued, searching his eyes. She didn't want to put her heart out there only to find out that in taking the temperature of the situation, she fell in the pool.

"CJ, it's been some of the most comfortable, enjoyable times of my life. I hope you know how much you mean to me." The ball was in her court now, and he wasn't going to push it. Things were too on edge for him to put pressure on her.

Looking towards the doorway, CJ decided it was as much a case of now or never. "Hoynes is my big unpaid mistake," she confided.

"What about him," Leo asked, suddenly realizing that it was all about timing—everything that happened in the past weeks and months stemmed from Hoynes' disclosure of Helen Baldwin.

"I fucked him," she spat.

Leo's heart constricted at the tone of her voice and the words she used. "When?"

"Not while we've been in office," she clarified. "It was a lifetime ago and I was stupid."

Leo wondered how long ago it actually was and if this had the potential to be spun into a White House sex scandal.

"I knew the minute I stepped into the elevator that it would come back to haunt me but it was so difficult to think." Choking back a sob, CJ hoped that Leo hadn't developed a sudden bitterness for her. She had, after all, slept with the enemy.

"Shush, it's okay," Leo said soothingly.

"It's not okay," CJ cried. "It's everything but ok. This could blow up in our faces any time and it's my fault for putting us in this position."

"Stop it, CJ. Stop putting the White House ahead of yourself. You need to take care of yourself and remember that we all love you. We'd fight to the bitter end for you," he argued.

He wasn't sure what was so funny, but when she broke out into a sudden fit of hysterical laughter, he felt somewhat unnerved. "CJ?" Maybe she had genuinely lost it.

"You, Leo McGarry, are telling me that I should put the White House second to my life," she replied, obviously surprised by his sudden turnabout. "You put your marriage second to the White House and lost your wife."

Stunned by her hostility, Leo wondered how the situation had gotten so out of hand. "I made a mistake, CJ, and it cost me my marriage, but I've learned from it and I'm wiser now. I wouldn't do it the same way again." It was the truth, he realized. After years of putting his career and country first, he'd lost everything that held any personal value. It hadn't been worth it, he could safely say, because at the end of the day he went back to an empty hotel room and went to bed alone.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"Being such a bitch—fighting dirty," CJ said solemnly. "I've gotten good at hurting the people I love."

A twinge in his chest made Leo wonder if what he was hoping for was possible. Did she maybe feel deeper about him than she was letting on? Not that it was the right time to pursue something, but he'd have to remember it for future reference.

In an attempt to lighten the mood in the room, Leo laughed before sweetly saying "I'm used to it, sweetheart."

Playfully slapping Leo, she had to admit he knew how to make her feel better.

"You can't be so hard on yourself, CJ." Leo took her hand in his and gently held it, hoping she'd understand that he wasn't judging her. All he really wanted was to help her get through this.

"Why can't I? I slept with a married man. I knew he was married, and I did it anyway." Refusing to look at Leo, she instead decided to look down at their hands.

"It was an accident," Leo defended.

"How do you accidentally have sex with someone?" Biting back another round of tears, CJ hoped it was all one elaborate nightmare. Any time now she'd have to wake up, right?

Leo shook his head in disappointment. CJ was as stubborn as they came and as much as he had wanted to respect that, at a time like this she was only making the entire situation harder on herself. "How many times did it happen?"

Horrified, CJ finally looked up and at him. "Once."

"Is there a trail of adulterous married men and angry wives that you've left across the country?" He'd changed his tactic and he just had to hope she'd let him explain to her.

"No."

"Have there been any other married men along the way?" Squeezing her hand in a show of support, Leo hoped he hadn't misread the situation. This could all blow up in his face with the wrong answer.

"Hoynes was the only one who was married," she admitted.

"Don't you see, CJ, that he's the exception, not the rule? You don't only date men who are married and it's not like you sought him out and carried out a long-term affair. It was one night, CJ. Everyone makes mistakes. Your mistake became the Vice President, which is award winning," Leo teased, hoping to lighten the mood, "but it's over. It was once. Everyone has a moment of weakness."

Shaking her head, CJ leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, needing the comfort from a dear friend. "He was there. He's an attractive guy and he invited me back to his room. I was young and naïve. I don't even think I ever expected anything more than a one-night stand."

Leo's hands rubbed the length of her back, and for a moment he realized that he was suddenly sitting on CJ's bed, his arms around her. He had to remind himself yet again that it wasn't the time or the place to bring up the fact that he didn't just want to comfort her out of interest as a friend. There was more to their relationship than meet the eye, but if nothing else, the night would be dedicated to taking care of her and letting her realize how much she meant to him.

"You're going to stay tonight, right?" She couldn't hide how desperately she wanted him to stay over.

Leo thought about it. His initial reaction of 'of course' seemed too ambitious. Instead, he opted for the 'toned down' version. "If you'd like me to..."

"Yeah." Pulling back the comforter and sheets, she crawled into the bed.

"All right, well, goodnight then," he said, standing to leave.

"Where are you going?" She hated that she sounded so needy but the idea of being alone just didn't appeal.

"The guest room." It seemed like the obvious answer.

"Oh."

"What?"

"I'd...I'd rather you stay here—with me." Pulling the sheets a little further back on the other side of the bed, she waited for him to respond. The night couldn't get much harder, she decided. If he said no or ran screaming from the house then it would just solidify how bad the evening had been.

Nodding, Leo realized that as surprised as he was, he wanted to sleep beside her. "Do you mind if I take off my pants and my dress shirt?"

"Sleep in whatever's comfortable," CJ told him, her eyes never shifting from him.

Climbing into bed in his boxer shorts and white t-shirt, the feeling of self-consciousness seemed to intensify as he realized that she was still watching him, propped up on her elbow, resting on her side.

"If I snore, jab me in the ribs," Leo joked. It had been so long since he had slept beside another person and he wasn't even sure he knew how to do it anymore.

CJ just smiled and watched him get comfortable. When he finally looked settled, she switched off the light and maneuvered her way across the invisible 'center' line she was certain he was observing and rested her head on his chest.

"Night, Leo," CJ said, listening to the reliable thud of his heart against his chest.

"Goodnight, CJ," he whispered against her hair.

20

Coming into a state of awareness, Leo panicked when he realized that he was waking up on his own accord. No alarm clock was buzzing and there wasn't a phone ringing. Instead, he was just coming out of his groggy state in what would probably be considered a regular weekend ritual.

Stretching, Leo's chest felt heavy, and suddenly he remembered all of the events of the night before. CJ had been upset, and she had finally told him what was eating away at her.

He had gone to bed with CJ. They hadn't done anything more than sleep, but they had gone to bed together, and he was fairly certain the pressure he was feeling on his chest was her still resting on him.

Opening his eyes he looked down to see her staring up at him. "Good morning," she whispered, her arm still strewn against his stomach.

"Good morning." Leo smiled down at her, enjoying the look of her tussled hair first thing in the morning. She even woke up beautiful, he realized.

"I hope you were comfortable," CJ said, realizing that she hadn't moved all night. She had never slept better, she thought, but Leo probably wasn't used to having someone in bed with him, on top of the fact that it was a strange bed.

"I slept very well," he told her, omitting the fact that it was probably the best sleep of his life.

Absentmindedly stroking the hair out of her face, Leo watched as CJ closed her eyes and just rested. She looked much more peaceful than she had in a long time and maybe that was partly thanks to having the opportunity to get it off her chest, or maybe it was because of the stress of it all. It could all just be a knee-jerk reaction, he thought.

"So, do you feel any better today?" he asked quietly, willing her not to have another breakdown.

"Somewhat. I feel better now that I've slept on it, and I feel better now that you know," she admitted. "But I do wish it wasn't real. I'd much prefer this all to be one big bad dream."

Sighing, Leo knew what she meant. If it ever did get out, she would be under intense scrutiny and worse yet, they may never let her live it down. The press had a way of demonizing someone, and this would be just the right kind of ammo with which to do that. "You know that if anything ever comes of it, I'll be right there with you fighting it. And the same will be true for the President, and Toby, and everyone else who works with you because you really are everybody's sweetheart."

CJ's lips turned up in a smile, before thinking about it a little more seriously. "We don't have to tell anyone, right? I mean, not yet?" She could practically kick herself for being such a baby about it. If it were anyone else in the same circumstance, she'd demand the opportunity to build up enough information to protect them. She'd demand that she be kept in the loop regardless of personal feelings.

"I don't think we need to talk to anyone," Leo agreed. "You're the one who will have to deal with any fallout first and foremost, so as long as you know what you want to say, then you're fine. Toby can know when it becomes necessary, and then the President."

"Toby already knows," she said, realizing that she had omitted a detail in telling Leo.

"He does?"

CJ nodded before shifting so that her head rested in the crook of his arm. "He was my best friend at the time. He was the one who I called crying, wishing I had never done it," she confessed.

Leo realized he was enjoying everything about lying in bed with CJ on a Sunday morning when her hand went up to rest on his chest, her head nestled just below his. Her close proximity was, of course, ruining his objectiveness and his ability to think clearly, but he loved that too. "I wish I could have been there," he said, his voice so faint that she barely heard him.

"No, you don't. I was a mess," CJ admitted. "I was a complete shattered mess for a while. Not just about Hoynes, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back."

"Still, I wish I could do something to make it better for you."

"This," she said, turning to look up at him from her spot, their faces inches from each other. "This makes me feel better. This makes me feel loved. This is what I needed from you last night."

He didn't know what to say. "You are loved," he said honestly, still uncertain if that was something he should say, or if it was too much.

Blushing and diverting her gaze away from him, CJ stared at the alarm clock and laughed. "It's 9:30 in the morning. When was the last time you were still in bed this late," she asked.

"Some time in my teenage years," he replied, certain that it was probably true.

"I think it was university for me, but yeah, it's been a while."

Neither one wanted to break the magical spell that was over them and get out of bed. It seemed so peaceful, and if they were to get up, it might never happen again.

"Are you going into the office today?" CJ asked. She had planned on going in but staying home seemed like a much better option. She could do with a nice long soak in the tub and some peace and quiet for once.

"I don't need to, unless I get called in," Leo replied, suddenly realizing he would rather stay with her for the day, and that there was nothing absolutely necessary to be done. Of course there were things he could do; it was the White House and there were always things that could be done, but there was nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow.

"Think you might stay and keep me company then?"

"If you want me to." Leo's heart went aflutter at the prospect of spending another day with CJ. Never mind the fact he had already spent the night with her, and the better part of the evening before.

"It'd be nice," she said, "and it will give me a chance to make up for us missing the concert last night."

"Aw, don't feel bad about it," he told her, wondering how she could feel bad about something she really couldn't have helped. It wasn't like she had planned to run into John Hoynes. It just happened, and unfortunately, it meant that they had to deal with the fallout, but Leo figured it was probably better sooner rather than later. At least this way he could help her deal with what was bothering her.

CJ shrugged as best she could in their position, and then shifted slightly. "Do you think, since we're not going into the office that we might be able to stay in bed a while? Just try to get a bit more sleep?"

Leo knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, his mind was too full of possibilities and thoughts, but he wasn't quite ready to leave her embrace yet. "Sure."

"Good..." Closing her eyes, CJ doubted she'd fall back asleep but being there resting against his chest felt safe and warm and too good to leave quite yet.

21

Monday morning was not as good as Sunday, CJ decided as she made her way out to Leo's waiting car. He'd gone home late on Sunday night, citing a need for clean clothes for work, and she had gone to bed alone, the smell of his cologne still on the pillow he'd used.

It seemed only fair to say that her emotions were getting a little out of hand. She realized that it might even be an understatement when she picked up the phone twenty minutes after he'd left her house to call him. Before he had answered she'd hung up, and he'd called back asking if everything was ok. Damn call display, she thought. CJ had covered though and with a little quick thinking she managed to explain that she hadn't seen her cell phone and wondered if he'd picked it up by accident. Leo said he'd keep an eye out for it, and that was that.

When she woke up she had felt a crick in her neck, and wondered if it was because of the position she had wrangled herself into on the bed in an attempt to somehow trick her mind into thinking it was Leo there instead of pillows lined down the bed.

When she climbed into Leo's car, she smiled before leaning across the car and gently pressed a kiss to his cheek. The gesture was chaste, but somehow both of them hoped it would lead to something else.

"Good morning," she said, climbing in and putting her briefcase on her lap.

"Good morning. Though it's a better morning when we sit up all night talking," he joked.

Neither one said anything more for the rest of the trip to the White House. It was easier for them not to discuss anything until they had figured out what they wanted to say.

When they pulled up to the building, Leo grabbed CJ's hand before she could get out of the car. "We never got to finish dinner on Saturday. I was wondering if you might be interested in taking a rain check for tonight."

Smiling, her heart did back flips. Somehow she had spent the last of Sunday night alone wondering if Saturday had managed to change everything, and the fact that he still wanted to spend time with her was a good sign that maybe things hadn't changed as much as they could have. "I'd love to. Just give me a call when you're finishing up...I'll have Carol call Margaret with my schedule for the day."

"Great," he said, ecstatic that she hadn't ruled him redundant yet.

"I'll see you in staff in a bit," she smiled, sliding out of the car and heading into the building, a little more bounce in her step.

"I thought we'd never get to have dinner," Leo joked, looking at his watch and realizing it was already 8:00. He had tried to flag her down closer to six, but somehow her schedule seemed to have almost no gaps in it, and then a last minute phone call from a newspaper in Des Moines had CJ ranting about corn and the wheat trade.

"I thought I'd have to follow through on my threat to the editor of the Des Moines Daily News," CJ said, "and that would have required me to catch a flight to Iowa, and find a corn field and a cob of corn," she laughed.

"I'd hate to be on your bad side," he smiled, not surprised when she gave him that mischievous glimmer that he was quickly becoming used to.

"So when you said we were taking a rain check on that dinner, I hadn't realized it meant at my place." Putting plates down on the table and setting places, she had to inwardly smile. It had been a very long time since a man had asked to cook for her, and when he had, it was always pop tarts or waffles á la Eggo.

"Well, I hope you don't mind, but I saw this recipe, and I really wanted to try it. And it was really something you had to make for two people, so it made sense that I'd make it for us." It was a slip up, he realized, that he had called them an 'us' which implied there was a 'we', which of course, filtered down into a 'relationship'. It really was all a matter of the horrors of the English language in relation to, well, relationships.

She couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of exhilaration when he referred to them as if they were more than she had expected, but not more than she had hoped for. "Any man who shows up on my doorstep with bags of groceries and the promise of dinner who _isn't_ a delivery man earns a special place in my heart."

"I'll remember that," he noted thoughtfully, before disappearing back into the kitchen.

The smells wafting throughout the house intrigued CJ. She still had no clue what he was making, but it was going to be good, she was certain. Never in the time had she lived there was there quite that homey a feeling as there was at that moment. Food was being cooked—real food, no less—and there was someone to idly chat with about the day. There wasn't any extra stress of trying to instigate conversation that would keep everything 'easy' and there wasn't even the concern of what to say next. It was just natural, and that in itself was enough to frighten CJ.

"What are you cooking?" she inquired, though he had banished her from the kitchen earlier in the night.

"You'll find out when I serve it," he called back as what sounded like a salad spinner replaced his voice.

She had to laugh at the idea of Leo being so much of a chef. Of course, he was a brilliant political mind, but there was nothing on his resume that listed public television and cooking shows as a passion. Not that she had seen his resume, of course, but it was a safe assumption that cooking wouldn't feature under hobbies no matter what.

"All right," he called in. "Sit down and I'll bring out the food."

CJ rolled her eyes at the formality of it all, though secretly she was immensely pleased. Pulling out her chair and placing her napkin in her lap, it was easy to think she could get used to it.

"Dinner," Leo said, placing a serving platter in front of her, "is served. But don't forget that I also brought dessert." Leo watched her expression as she appraised the dinner he had assembled: herb baked salmon, rice pilaf and a mixed oriental salad. "Do you approve?"

When she didn't say anything, he slipped into panic mode. "I really should have asked first, before assuming, I just saw it and thought that it would be nice. I was sure I've seen you eat salmon before, but if you don't like it we could call in the delivery guy to save my ass," he smiled, trying to let her know that he wouldn't mind if that's what she wanted to do.

"No, no, no...It's not that I don't like it! It's just so beautiful. I mean, when you said you were going to cook for me..." She looked over the incredibly well presented as well as delicious smelling food before her. "I thought you might throw together some pasta and a sauce, or something."

Leo shrugged. "That's so boring. We could have that any night when we're alone, but since we're together, we might as well have something we wouldn't normally," he justified.

"It's wonderful," she assured him, gesturing for him to sit down. "Let's eat, because this looks amazing and I want to know if it tastes as good as it looks."

Settling in for dinner, Leo watched as she began to serve herself and was secretly pleased that he had stumbled upon the Cosmo magazine on Margaret's desk. In his defense, it was only because he was waiting for her to come back from an errand and needed to talk to her. If he hadn't been bored, he'd have never picked up the magazine. Or at least, he probably never would have thumbed through the magazine if it hadn't listed one of the special articles on the cover: ten special recipes for a romantic night. He sure as hell hoped she liked 'blushing pears'.

"Dinner was fantastic," CJ said, standing to clear the table. "I've never had anything like that before unless it was served by a guy in a funny hat wearing a big white apron."

"So are you requesting I wear a funny hat and an apron?" Playfully slapping at her hand, Leo took the plate from her. "I'll clean up. It's all a part of me making dinner for you."

CJ fought the urge to lean in and kiss him for fear that it would send him screaming from the house. If he knew the thoughts that were running through her mind all evening long, she doubted he would ever speak to her again. "I can help, you know? I may be a disaster in the kitchen, but I'm pretty good at dishes. That was my childhood chore."

"Still, it'll only take a few minutes. I'll just load up the dishwasher and start it, wash the few pots and refill our water glasses. Fifteen minutes tops," he said, winking at her. "Go, find something on TV or something. I won't be long."

"All right, but if you need anything..." she stopped when she saw his 'just go do it' look.

As Leo disappeared into the kitchen with the dishes, he thought about how nice it was to be using a real kitchen to do his cooking, and how natural it was to be spending time with CJ in such a relaxed way.

Packaging the extra rice pilaf in a Tupperware container he found under the cupboard, Leo placed it in the fridge, still trying to figure out how she lived on takeout alone.

Maybe he would teach her how to cook. Not everything necessarily, but the few things that he had found essential in life. It wasn't as if she would be doing many dinner parties where she'd need to cook, right?

Systematically putting the plates and silverware in the dishwasher, Leo smiled. He used to love to make meals for himself, until he realized how draining it was to make such a marked effort for one person. After a few months of being single and only having what could easily be called a bachelor's kitchen, Leo gave up on the elaborate meals he enjoyed making and resorted to basics.

Hearing the soft strains of music from the living room, Leo smiled. They didn't get their night in the park, so instead they were getting their night at home, dinner and music as they saw fit.

He hurried through the remainder of the tasks, making sure everything was put away in the right places and that she would be able to find the leftovers if she wanted them.

Making his way to the living room, he grinned. It had been such a wonderful night so far, and it still wasn't over. Any opportunity he got to spend time with CJ was great. "There's extra rice in the fridge for you," he said, making his way to the couch and settling down beside her.

"Mmm. I won't have to send Carol to the mess tomorrow for lunch. She'll love you more than she already does," CJ smiled, genuinely happy to have him there with her.

"Well, it's my job. I need to have the assistants on my side if ever there's a mutiny among the staff."

The sudden quietness between them was interrupted by the start of a new song. "Do you want to dance?" CJ asked, standing and inviting him to join her by reaching out to him.

_Keep your head lowered  
Keep to yourself dear  
Do not tell a soul  
You know it's wrong  
What they've been saying  
You knew all along  
That I would have to go  
Find a place where light shines on my reflection  
A place where I can stand up on my own  
Not down on my knees  
Until then please_

Leo stood, accepting her hand and feeling his heart race. "You do still owe me a dance, don't you?"

She nodded and found her way into his arms. He was warm and safe and for once she didn't feel like it was an obligation. Dancing with Leo was something she wanted to do, and something she had craved, and as silly as it was, she was content to sway in his arms for as long as she could.

_Meet me in the dark  
Meet me in the shadows  
Past the old graveyard  
Down Eisenhower road  
Meet me where the storms  
Blow out on their own dear  
Meet me in the dark  
Never let me go_

The longing voice of Melissa Etheridge filled the room with its almost raspy sadness, and Leo wondered if Saturday night would have been nearly as good, had they not run into Hoynes.

CJ felt Leo's chest rise and fall with every breath against her own, and closed her eyes feeling exceptionally fulfilled. If nothing else ever happened between them, at least she'd have this moment in time when they were the only two people in the universe, and nothing else mattered.

_I know everyone  
Has their unspoken fear  
It eats away their senses  
And their humanity  
They carry all their secrets  
Every night down to the river  
And they try so hard to drown them  
They won't do that to me  
Cause I'm working hard saving all my money  
And the tips in this jar will buy a brand new set of wings  
For my Mercury  
Until then please_

He wondered if maybe he was holding her too close or too tight, but when she didn't move away or ask him to stop, he decided that maybe he should enjoy it while he could. He wasn't the kind of guy who had fairytale romances. He wasn't even the kind of guy who got to really enjoy romance at all. There was Jenny and then there was Jordan. His success with women with 'J' names was obviously noted and marked for failure.

CJ would have been different, he thought, if it were any other time and place. If they weren't who they were at that point, and maybe if she were a little older (or if he were a little younger) things could work out for them. But for now he was just an old man with feelings for a much younger woman.

_I could never hide this little light of mine  
If God made a mistake then I should die before I wake  
Maybe it's my fate to swim against this tide  
Swallowing my pride_

His hand had managed to gently find its way to the small of her back, and she felt it anchoring her against him. It was then that her breath hitched and she wondered if she'd be strong enough to face him day in and day out without ever acting on the six million emotions that were racing through her.

After all, he was this incredible man who had brought her home, made her dinner and treated her unlike any other man ever had, and even if it was out of sheer obligation, it was the most amazing thing.

_Keep your eyes down  
Say that you don't know me  
For I could not survive  
If they took you away_

At first, neither one wanted to stop swaying, but the next song on the CD was considerably faster and the urge to stop and rewind it overwhelmed them both.

"Thank you for the dance," Leo said politely, his arms still holding her.

"Thank you for dinner."

"Anytime," Leo told her, and he meant it. If she ever wanted anything, he'd do his best to make sure she got it.

"You're a good man, Leo McGarry," CJ whispered, her heart about to beat out of her chest.

Unsure of whatever it was she was saying, Leo smiled and simply replied, "Well, I'd like to think you make me a better man."

Blushing, she recovered her ability to speak well enough to manage a sentence. "They don't come much better than you."

Shrugging, Leo took her hand and led her back to the sofa to sit down. "I'd like us to talk about something, if you don't mind."

When she nodded, he took a deep breath. This was one conversation he never thought he'd have.

22

It took him a moment to gain composure enough to have one coherent thought. After all, his mind was still rather stuck on the memory of them swaying together rhythmically and the way it had felt to sit and talk to her like they were a couple.

"So if I said I had a little... crush... on you" Leo began, knowing full well that no matter how the conversation went, their relationship would be permanently and irreparably changed.

"A crush," CJ choked, wondering if he had actually said the words and moreover, meant them.

"A crush, on you." Leo nodded, wishing suddenly that there was some way to soften the blow of his confession. He had been a witness to some of CJ's most tumultuous responses through the years, and he was very certain that if there was something to be scared of, it would be the potential for flying objects.

"On me."

"And I've had this..." He really didn't want to describe it as just a crush. A crush sounded too much like sheer infatuation and although he didn't quite know the depths of his feelings, he felt secure in betting that they were much more than that of a crush.

"Crush," she provided.

"Yeah...For a very long time."

"Not just since the night you stayed over?"

Leo thought about it, before offering a response. "A little longer."

"A little longer?"

"From the first second you walked into the house in Manchester," he said, feeling himself flush under the pressure of his confession.

"That is a very long time," CJ admitted.

It was as progressive a conversation as they could expect at a bipartisan breakfast and even then there were concessions to be made.

"Well..." CJ drew a breath before realizing that she did indeed have the nerve to say what she wanted. "I've had a ... thing for you, too."

Leo thought his neck was about to break with the sheer velocity with which his head redirected itself towards her. "You have a thing for me?"

"Yes," she managed, but there was no turning back. "It's a good kind of a thing, right?" When he didn't reply, she wondered if it was all so blatantly inappropriate that he was having as hard of a time believing what she was saying as she was. "Whatever we're feeling, it's a good kind of a thing?" Her eyes were virtually begging him to help her figure out what they were to each other.

Regaining his equilibrium, Leo smiled. "It's a great thing—the best kind," he assured her.

"Oh yeah?" Intrigued by his sudden wash of confidence, she had to wonder how he was so certain.

"You're my friend and I think we can safely say I know you well enough to understand you. Well, as well as a man can understand a woman," he teased.

"You know my secrets," she reminded him. "Not all of them, but the big ones."

"You know mine."

The inability to vocalize anything suddenly overwhelmed them when they realized where their conversation was leading.

CJ chewed her bottom lip, trying to decide if she had already passed the point of backing away gracefully. It would probably be easier, after all, to be miserable about being alone than to face the wrath of the general population once they found out that the Press Secretary and the Chief of Staff had a 'thing'.

But if she backed away now, she really would be truly miserable, she rationalized.

Searching his eyes for proof of his feelings, she wondered if the warmth she was seeing was for her or if it had always been there and she had just never taken the time to see it.

Leaning towards Leo, CJ's lips gently brushed over his, her hands finding their way to his chest and then further up to cup his face.

Fighting the urge to make the kiss about frantic desperation for her, Leo tried to come down from the high he was feeling.

As they explored each other's mouths, CJ and Leo held each other tightly, his arms secured firmly around her waist, her hands wandering over his shoulders and down his back.

Finally, when they could no longer find breath, they separated from their kiss, both flushed from the passion of it.

"Wow," Leo managed, his breathing still ragged.

"Yeah."

His hands absently stroking her sides, his fingers gently caressed the material of her blouse.

"Would you hate me if I told you that I'm scared," CJ asked, her voice in a low whisper.

"You're scared of me?" The hurt in his eyes betrayed him. Clearly he had not anticipated the sudden change in direction.

"No, I'm not scared of you," she corrected, almost too quickly for his liking. "I'm scared of what will happen to us, now that we know how we feel about each other, and I'm scared of what will happen when people find out. I'm _really_ scared that our world is going to go flying off its axis and crashing into a ball of flames because of Hoynes and his stupid book. There are just so many variables that I'm terrified right now."

"But there are always variables in relationships," Leo countered, "and there are lots of relationships out there anyway, right?"

"We're not just any two people, Leo. The White House isn't just some office, and we're not just people who have feelings for one another. Everyone sees us as our roles first, and as people second. What's going to happen when someone catches us making out in your office?"

"We're going to make out in my office?" he asked hopefully, a grin lighting up his face.

CJ shook her head as if to reprimand him, but then softened. "If we're discreet, maybe. Who knows? The point is, the first time you hold my hand in public, the world will come crashing down around us."

"Well, then, maybe we should hold hands more often in private until we get the hang of it?"

"It's just...I really want us to do this right." CJ's eyes turned down, embarrassed by the neediness in her voice.

"So do I," he assured her. "And right means right. We're going to do dates and dinners and fights, just like a proper couple!"

"And fights, huh?" Her lips turning up in amusement at his declaration, CJ had to admit she liked this side of him—the one that was eager to please her and happy to be a little uncomfortable.

"Well, fights come with making up. And if we're going to be spending time making out in my office, I expect that we'll have to also spend time fighting in my office..."

Slapping at his arm, she fought the urge to just lean in and kiss him. That would probably be inappropriate, not that she was often very appropriate. "As long as we agree not to let work fights get in the way of our lives," she interjected.

"No work fights at home. Fair. No home fights at work.

Extending her hand, she waited for him to shake on their agreement. "And we try to act like two normal adults as opposed to being two advisors of the President.

"So, if he tries to make an executive order about what we should name our first born," Leo stopped himself, realizing the damage was already done.

Her jaw dropped at the sheer shock of the moment before recovering. "If he tries to make any such executive orders, we politely point out what he's contributed to it..."

Leo shook his head, wishing he could backtrack time a few minutes.

"Oh stop being such a stick in the mud. You're gonna say some pretty stupid things from now on, and that won't even rank in the top 100. Not even in the top thousand. I'll consider it a compliment," CJ said, though secretly something was pulling at her, making her wonder when she changed the direction from a career driven woman who could never imagine working less than fifteen hours a day to someone who secretly fantasized about having 'it all': the family, the cars, the house and the husband to come home to. Either way, she wasn't quite ready to tell Leo that. For now they had to work on building their relationship.

23

"This is ridiculous," CJ said, digging through her closet. "We've gone out together how many times? Like, probably a dozen times at least, and I still can't figure out what to wear?" Pushing aside numerous dresses, she looked at her pant suits before deciding they were too business-like. A nice pair of slacks and a blouse would be nice, she thought, but then again, she'd be covering her legs, and they were definitely two of her finer attributes.

"It's not like I'm asking for a miracle, here. Something, anything, just jump out at me," she ordered, but when the clothing didn't reply, she figured there would have to be some deductive reasoning that would lead her to the right ensemble.

She and Leo were having their first official 'date' and although they had agreed to keep it low-key, she still felt like there was so much she needed to do.

It had been five days since they had talked about their feelings for one another and since then, they had only two or three opportunities to really chat in private. Those occasions didn't add up to much thanks to frequent disturbances or sheer nervousness.

But after five days of not even so much as being able to touch his hand, CJ decided that this date had to go well or else she'd concede defeat with men forever. After all, this was the first time a man had caused her to wake up in the middle of the night just to think about him, and if she couldn't make this work, then what could she do?

Selecting a simple knee length black skirt and an oriental patterned red silk shirt, CJ hoped that she could find her favorite black leather jacket to wear with it. With the boots she had bought the week before, she'd look killer.

Leo stood in front of his dresser in his socks, boxers and a white t-shirt. As much as he was sure that he shouldn't be too overdressed, he sure as hell didn't want to seem too casual either. And the lack of pants which he was currently sporting might constitute casual, he thought.

He thought about the venue, and wondered if maybe he should have stuck with his first instinct of staying in and making dinner for them. It would be much more intimate and would allow them the comfort of home that they'd grown accustomed to, but his initial thought was met with a less than positive downside: if they stayed in, CJ might think he was trying to keep their relationship a secret, and they both agreed whatever happened, happened.

A bistro in Georgetown with a beautiful _younger_ woman. And he was standing looking at his shirt drawer as if it was going to save him? No, the guidance he needed was much more hands-on than whatever he might find in a piece of furniture.

He'd already gotten dressed once, in a suit, and although it was something he liked, it looked like he was going to work. CJ always saw him in a suit, or 'casual' as far as the office was concerned was when he was sitting at his desk, his tie loosened and his jacket over the back of the chair.

Finally making a split second decision from which he refused to backtrack, he pulled out his favorite sweater and began the search for the pants he wanted to wear with it.

Walking up to the CJ's door, Leo was fighting the urge to grab her the second she opened the door and kiss her. They'd spent so little time together through the week and when Thursday had come, they were all supposed to go out as per their weekly ritual. But Thursday brought about a monstrous bout of indecision on the President's part, and Leo had spent the better part of the night trying to convince him that even with their lowered numbers, it was indeed the time to act on several key policy initiatives.

He had made a point of calling her around eleven to say good night and apologize, but he knew that they'd all still be out, probably finishing up their last round of drinks and munchies. He'd left a message and secretly kicked himself for having to miss it.

Ringing the doorbell, Leo wished he hadn't had to cancel on the group, and more importantly on CJ. They'd had no time together at all really, through the week, and for a couple who were supposed to be establishing a relationship, they hadn't progressed very far.

When the door opened he could have sworn his jaw dropped and all comprehensive speech had vanished. There she was, standing in front of him an absolute vision of beauty. His lips turned up into a beaming smile as he realized that hew as going on a date with _her_.

"Hi," she said, noting the appreciative way his eyes trailed up and down her body.

"Hi," he managed. "Are you ready to go?"

Nodding, CJ stepped onto the veranda and quickly locked the door. "Let's go," she said, wondering if he were frozen for all the movement he'd made since she walked out the door.

"You look amazing, CJ," Leo said, the affection quite obviously apparent in his eyes.

"Thank you."

Before he could move he just had one thing left to do. Leaning in and gently taking her face in his hands, Leo planted the most delicate kiss on her lips. It was chaste but relayed promise.

"If this were a real first date," CJ began, "I probably wouldn't have let you do that." She was anything but upset about it. He'd kissed her, very sweetly, and she wished he'd said they should skip dinner and go straight to the third date where her rules were a little slacker.

"Oh, if you were on a real first date with me, you would have," he teased, his eyes conveying his feelings for her.

"Such confidence," she joked.

"Well, if it weren't for confidence I'd have to rely on otherwise blissful ignorance." Taking her hand in his, he felt the way her fingers melded perfectly into his.

CJ realized that as they were walking to the car that if the fates would have it, this was the last 'first date' she ever wanted to go on. She knew all too well that it would be a wonderful time with a wonderful man, and that at the end of it all she'd be left wanting more of the same.

24

"I thought you said you wanted to 'get to know each other'," CJ asked, her eyes narrowing as he avoided her. He was dodging her question but she was not going to let him off the hook quite _that_ easy.

"I do, CJ, that's not up for debate." Leo raised his soupspoon to his mouth and prolonged the bite, hoping that maybe, just maybe she'd move on to different topic.

"Is it so strange to ask about your first kiss?" Ok, so in saying it that way, maybe it was strange. Definitely in retrospect, it didn't seem like the kind of question she should be asking of a man who was the most trusted advisor to the President, but she wasn't asking him in a professional capacity. They had agreed that this was a date, and for all intent and purposes, that meant conversation and stories from their pasts. She was asking Leo, not the Chief of Staff.

"It is," he commented dryly, sipping from his glass of water. If he could keep his responses down to two or three words maximum in between eating something, he might stand a chance of avoiding the question.

"My first kiss," CJ said, emphasizing the word 'my', "was with Joey Grandione, and it was behind the school on our way to the school buses."

Leo shook his head, feeling compelled to comment, but instead broke off a piece of bread and stuffed it in his mouth.

"He had wandering hands," she commented, off the cuff, as she watched Leo's expression change. Yep, that had gotten his attention. "Come to think of it, he had very good hands considering how old we were..."

"Ok, enough already!" Leo placed his spoon down on the edge of the bowl and looked up at her, noting her wide smile. "You may be good at this, CJ, but I'm not."

"What's 'this'?" Her expression turned grim, she wondered if he was always in this tempestuous of a mood, or if she did something to bring it out in him.

"This...these...twenty questions get to know your date thing. I don't like living in the past. I screwed up too many times to count, and I don't like reliving it when I'm with someone who's important to me."

"You'd rather relive it with someone who's not important to you? Because I have to admit, I think I'd rather confide in someone I care for as opposed to confiding in someone just for the sake of doing it." CJ watched his expression, realizing that this was very obviously a subject he wasn't comfortable discussing.

Shaking his head, Leo took a deep breath. "CJ, I've only loved a few people in my life. Really loved, I mean. And of those few, I managed to hurt them all with exceptional ease, and that's a terrifying thought. So I don't like revisiting it as a source of conversation when I'm trying to make a new start with someone who I could very possibly come to love. I don't want us to start off on that foot." His eyes searched hers for some degree of understanding.

"Do you realize that by recognizing the mistakes from your past, you're already heads above where you were, and it will only get better?" CJ reached across the table to take his hands in hers. "And I could never date someone who didn't have a past or who wasn't a little flawed, so maybe you need to understand that everything I adore about you is a culmination of those past experiences and scars."

As much as he wanted to object, he realized that she probably wasn't going to let him off without honesty. All the years he had worked with her, it seemed fairly safe to say that she wanted to be 'in the loop' and trusted, and she had never proven herself to be anything but trustworthy. "I've got plenty of past experiences and scars," he warned her.

"Great. All the more to love. Now... let's talk about your first kiss. It couldn't have been that bad, could it?"

"I'd say it went fairly well," Leo said, under his breath.

"Oh yeah?" Curiosity piqued, CJ waited for the rest of his story.

"It was my sister's best friend, and after that it seemed that Leslie spent an awful lot of time around our place." Leo wondered how he had forgotten about Leslie who had also, not that long after the kiss, ushered him into manhood.

"I've seen _that_ look before," CJ said, catching him. "She was your first, wasn't she?"

Leo looked at her, his face betraying him and showing his absolute horror at her statement. "Aw, hell, CJ, do we need to discuss this?"

"Uh huh... I like knowing who I'm competing with." The wry grin that spread across her face surprised him. She wanted details.

"There's no competition," he told her honestly, though she seemed to not hear him. "And Leslie, who I haven't seen since I was seventeen, is _definitely_ not a cause for concern."

"How 'bout Jordan Kendall? I hear you spent election night with her..." She had meant to keep the topic light, and she sure as hell didn't want him to get a peek at her jealousy, but yes, she was feeling more than a little jealous towards the most recent object of his affection. Still, they were making headway and talking, so she wanted to tread lightly.

"We did. She's well, though I've not spoken to her in quite a while. Last I heard she was dating a senator. Or maybe it was a congressman. I just remember thinking it was funny because she had told me that I had taught her a lot about the men of politics." Leo sipped his water. He'd gone from his first mistake to his most recent in a matter of ten minutes of conversation.

Secretly pleased, CJ nodded before composing a relatively sedate comment to follow that. Jumping out of her seat and doing a dance of joy might seem a little immature. "She is a very attractive woman."

"Very intelligent," Leo said, returning his attention to his soup. Previous experience taught him that conversation about how attractive one's former flame was, usually turned to hell after the first two or three sentences.

"Isn't it funny how when we are uncomfortable talking about exes, we chose something benign about them to take away from another potentially more threatening detail? I said she was attractive, you said intelligent. Intelligence not a bad attribute at all, but one which is mostly innocuous." CJ looked at him across the table, squeezing the hand she had not yet let go.

"She _is _intelligent."

"But do you think that as a woman competing for your affection I'd feel any less threatened by someone who's intelligent than by someone who's attractive?"

"You're absolutely beautiful, CJ, and you have no reason to think you're competing for anything. You've definitely stolen my heart." He couldn't believe they were still talking about this. They were sitting in a restaurant on their first date, and instead of laughing, they were getting much too serious.

"You didn't mention intelligent. Should I be concerned?" Licking her lips she watched as he got distracted. Definitely wasn't lying when he said he thought she was beautiful, of that much she was sure.

"I'm the one concerned," he said shyly. "You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and you're out on a date with me... And one morning you're going to wake up and realize that you're dating a craggy old man."

Her eyes softening and her heart melting, CJ wondered if there was anyone more remarkable than the man across from her. "You're anything but old and craggy, and I don't think I can begin to tell you how much I like the 'package' I'm getting."

"How do you know...?" His voice trailed off, realizing that the sexual innuendo he was hearing wasn't what she was implying.

"Of that, I know very little. But I don't expect to remain ignorant of that for long. And I think that what we have will be the stuff that romance novels are made of," she smiled.

"I don't think I'm quite up to the harlequin caliber relationship," he confided.

"We'll see, but in the meantime, we'll work on the other stuff. You still have to tell me about your high school memories," she said, popping a piece of lettuce in her mouth.

Leo groaned. He knew he loved her already as much as he could love someone he was just starting a relationship with and he knew the cravings he had for her were not just from lust. But talking about high school? "Well, I went to school in a horse and buggy," he began, deciding that maybe sarcasm would help his cause.

25

"Leo," a voice boomed, almost shaking the walls of the office.

"Mr. President, what can I do for you?" Leo stood, removing his reading glasses so he could look at the man standing in the doorway.

Jed shrugged. "Slow day. I have ten minutes before I even have to start walking to my next appointment."

Putting the papers down on the desk in front of him, Leo invited his friend to have a seat. "Well, then this really is a momentous occasion, and we should enjoy what we can of it."

"We should bond as men do," Jed said, his eyes smiling with a hint of 'I know a secret'.

"Bond as men do, sir?" Those were words he dreaded hearing. It sounded like a tenth grade party where someone smuggled in booze and girls, and he had gotten himself into enough trouble then.

Settling in to his chair, the President looked at Leo and then back towards the door. Noting that it was closed, he decided it was safe to continue what he obviously felt was a conversation that required some privacy.

"I like how you think bursting into my office and virtually announcing that you're bored doesn't merit discretion, nor does saying something like 'let's bond as men do.' But whatever's about to come out of your mouth should have me good and scared." Tapping a pen against the desk, he hoped that this wasn't a talk about his relationship with CJ.

There had only been three official dates so far, but he was very certain that he was already most of the way to loving her. They had planned another one for the weekend, and this one seemed like it could be the 'big' one, culminating in more than a passionate kiss at her doorstep. Leo had most definitely not wanted to discuss that upcoming event with the president—he was already feeling enough performance anxiety!

"I hear you've been going out on these Thursday night parties with the staff." Jed watched as Leo shifted in his seat.

"I have, Sir. It's quite the good time."

"So I hear. Is it possible I've heard something about Toby and Margaret being together?"

"Yes sir, though they've been exceptionally discreet which is why I've not felt the need to tell you." Leo felt a wave of relief wash over him. The fact that his budding relationship with CJ had not yet been uncovered was a relief. He and CJ agreed that it wasn't a secret as much as it was something they'd share on a 'need to know' basis. "In fact, how _did_ you find out?"

"I have my sources," he beamed, thrilled that for once he was 'in the loop' for something other than top-secret security codes.

"Abbey, Sir?"

"She ran into Margaret leaving Toby's office, and apparently there was something to be said about her expression."

Leo cringed, not wanting to know that much about Toby's love life. Then again, he thought, perhaps they'd do each other the favor of keeping the relationships of the west wing under wraps. "They seem happy, Sir."

"Could you can the 'Sir' crap? Hell, Leo, you're godfather to my children, you're my best friend and we've shared a bed!" The last part of the statement was said louder than Leo would have hoped.

"Uh, could you not say that we shared a bed, please? I'm sure that's something that any newspaper would pick up and run with!" His strangled whisper carried well enough to the other man that he nodded.

"We did share a bed through—remember? 1973 and we were in Massachusetts and you wanted that car...what was it now? A Thunderbird. '57?"

"It was a '57, yes, and I don't remember you telling me it was a crazy idea."

"It wasn't until we found out that it was some kind of fish festival and we ended up sharing a double bed in that hotel."

"Are your free ten minutes up yet," Leo asked, rubbing his temples.

"Just about, I'd imagine. But I like this," Jed said, waiving his hands between them. "It's been a long time since we just sat down and reminisced."

"Probably because whenever we do, my blood pressure shoots through the roof, but that just might be an added bonus."

"Anyway, Abbey told me to tell you that we're having a dinner party for senior staff on Saturday, and you're expected to come to it. We're welcoming Donna back, and letting everyone ease back into a sense of normalcy." Jed stood, before looking down on his friend who had the most distraught expression on his face. "Is that a problem?"

"I did have, uh, plans, Sir."

"Plans?" Jed tried to hide his shock. "You're kidding me, right? Curling up in bed with a binder about missile defense doesn't quite constitute plans."

"I have, and I know I'll regret telling you this, a date." Opening a folder on his desk, he didn't even care really what it was, as long as it was something to form a barrier between him and the President.

"A date? Good God, Leo, why have you kept her hidden away?" Ecstatic at the realization that Leo was involved with someone, Jed began forming a plan. "You'll have to bring her. You have to—Abbey will want to meet her and make sure she's good enough for you, and we boys will have a great time teasing you and all while she makes you get her another crab puff!"

"It's not like that sir, and I don't know if that's such a good idea. But thank you. I think we'll be happier with our own plans."

"Nonsense. You'll be there, and she'll be there, and that will be that. You're coming to dinner and you're going to like it!" That was it; that was the presidential order Leo was dreading.

"We'll see," Leo said, returning his attention to the folder and waiting to hear the door close.

"I hear there's a dinner in the East Wing this Saturday and you're bringing a date. Anyone I should know about?" CJ made sure to close the door behind her before she made her way over to his desk.

"Well, she's a stunningly beautiful and extremely intelligent woman. She's one of the most incredible political minds I've ever met, and a great kisser..."

CJ blushed as he went on. "So I shouldn't be too concerned?"

"I think you're pretty much safe. You've got me hooked pretty well." Standing to wrap his arms around her, he smiled as her body met his.

"Good thing I'm pretty hooked too or it'd seem unfair." Kissing the tip of his nose, she looked down at him seriously. "Are we really going to go to this?"

"The thing in the East Wing?" When she nodded, he could see the tiniest bit of apprehension at the idea. They may have agreed not to keep it a secret, but suddenly just going to dinner with their coworkers seemed like such a big step. "I was going to say it's optional. I've already said that my date and I would rather not go, but he wants us there."

"Does he know who your date is?" As soon as the words left her mouth she realized that she knew the answer. "I would have heard about it from him or Abbey by now. So no, he doesn't know."

Leo shook his head. "I didn't want to be the one to 'out' us if you weren't ready. I could just as easily skip the evening and say that it was too intimidating to my date. You could still go—I don't know if you'd be able to get out of it, and Toby might kill you if you left him alone with the First Couple. You know Josh and Donna will be making eyes at each other all night."

"We have to decide soon, huh?"

"Yep."

"I liked the idea of the nice, quiet night at my place, you making dinner, me graciously letting you lavish attention on me," she smiled, the teasing evident in her eyes.

"You don't know how much I liked that idea too." Tightening his grip on her, he kissed the spot on her neck just below her ear. It was something he discovered she liked the last date they had gone on. He just liked to hear the little strangled noise she made when he sucked at the skin.

"Don't do that. You're not...not playing fair," she mumbled. "We need to make a decision."

"My decision is that we do whatever you want." Looking her squarely in the eyes, he waited for her decision. When she still didn't said anything, he continued. "I really don't mind talking to them and telling them the truth. I'm not ashamed of us, so, as long as you're ok with going with me, then I'm ok with it."

CJ weighed their options, uncertain as to what she should do. Her heart was saying that it would be much easier to just 'come out' and let everyone know. Once everyone knew about her and Leo then they could deal with the fallout. In the meantime they had to keep sneaking around and she wasn't sure how much longer she could convincingly do that. "Do you promise to stay with me the entire night?"

"For the dinner thing?"

"For the entire night. Like before. But maybe better?"

Leaning in for another kiss, Leo stopped right before their lips touched. "I promise." Seizing her lips, he hoped that everything would work out on Saturday night and she wouldn't regret agreeing to go.

26

The first sign that CJ was having second thoughts was when she came to the door in a towel. Not that Leo minded of course, his eyes making their way up and down her seemingly endless legs, but apparently she had changed her ensemble several times and had yet to find something suitable.

Leo joked that it was just dinner with the President and his wife, and a few of his close friends, but it seemed to fall flat as she just narrowed her eyes and looked at him threateningly.

"It's no different than any other night we've gone to dinner with them," he tried, obviously not convincingly enough when she adjusted her glare to let him know how crazy she thought he was.

"Whatever I wear tonight will be permanently etched in their minds forever," she said haphazardly, flailing an arm around before realizing she might well drop the towel if she continued. Grasping it firmly with two hands she tried to explain. "Do you remember what you wore to the last dinner? Or what I wore?" Leo shook his head, certain that this was one of those times he just wasn't meant to understand her. "Then you haven't the slightest comprehension of how hard it will be to walk in there on your arm knowing that the moment will be permanently etched into our coworkers' memories, and it will either be thanks to their horror or great delight. And might I add that I'm betting money that it's more like a slasher film than a b-grade comedy." Ending her rant, she wondered if she was about to cry.

"CJ, honey, I can promise you, Jed won't remember. Toby won't remember. He'll spend most the night staring at his feet – I bet you anything that's how he marks serious life events now; by the reflection of his head in his shoes..." CJ cracked a smile at that comment, for which Leo was eternally grateful. For a minute there it looked like she might have been ready to jump out of the relationship out of sheer nervousness. "And Abbey loves you. And she loves me. And I think that means she'll love us being together. And Josh and Donna won't notice anything, I'm sure of it. Everyone keeps saying how adoringly they've been looking at each other since they got back..."

"You think?" She made a note to get her head examined. How could she be so insecure and needy? He was going to grow tired of her always leaning on him, she knew it!

"I know. So go upstairs and pick out something that you think I'll like, and you'll look magnificent, and we'll go to dinner and make our announcement." Leo rubbed his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, relishing the bare skin.

"And then we'll come back here," she reminded him, suddenly not wanting to leave the house for other reasons.

"Yes, indeed. The sooner we leave, the sooner we get to come back, so go get ready." Sometimes it felt like he was corralling Jed into the sit room, enticing him with the promise of a nice boring meeting afterwards. Somehow, he didn't think CJ would appreciate that comparison though.

In the car on the way to the White House, Leo wondered if CJ had taken something to sedate herself. She was unusually quiet.

He had worked up the nerve to ask her if she was okay, only to be told she felt like she was meeting his parents, and she was certain they'd hate her. Laughing, Leo reassured her that his parents were dead, and that the only fear she had, was of Abbey prodding her to death over details.

As they made their way towards the living area, he squeezed her hand in his and stopped only long enough to whisper in her ear "Nothing that happens tonight here will change anything between us."

She wasn't sure she believed him, but the sentiment was good, she decided, though she took a second to slide her hand from his, trying to steal herself for what was to come.

"Leo," Jed said, a grin covering his face. He was eager to see who might come through the door next.

"Good evening, Sir."

Jed positioned himself a little better, surprised that whoever Leo was seeing didn't come in hand in hand with him. Nerves, he thought, might be the real reason.

"Ah, CJ." By the time she walked through the door, Jed was virtually ready to leap on her. "I'm sorry. I was waiting for Leo's date—did you see any strange women standing out in the hall, perhaps looking as if they were about to toss their cookies into an overpriced decorative vase?"

CJ shook her head no, and tried to breathe. If she had seen one of the aforementioned vases, she might well have taken his suggestion and relieved her stomach of the knots it was tied in. Standing beside Leo, she sought out his hand and heaved a sigh of relief when she found it.

"Uh, Sir, you can stop standing in the doorway. You're probably driving the agents nuts," Leo said, trying to drag his friend back in from the threshold.

"She chickened out, or it was all an elaborate rouse to try and get out of dinner with us," Jed accused, his eyes narrowed, glaring at friend.

Abbey smiled when she realized what was really going on. If it weren't for their firmly attached hands and the close proximity CJ was to Leo, the blanched expression on the younger woman's face would have said it all. "Hey Jethro, you should leave him alone."

Jed looked towards her, unsure as to what was going on. When he saw her smile, he wondered if she was keeping something from him.

"Looks like our CJ's found a man. And our Leo's found our CJ." A mischievous grin on her face, Abbey obviously found the entire situation thoroughly amusing.

Jed looked between Leo and CJ, noticing their entwined fingers and the protective stance Leo had taken. "You and CJ?" Waving his finger between the two of them, he waited for a response.

"Yes, Sir," Leo said, wondering if CJ had found her voice yet. No matter, he thought, because he promised that everything would be ok. Looking to his side, he could see the concern in her eyes. Maybe coming out at the party wasn't such a great idea. Maybe she wasn't quite ready for that step yet.

"Wonderful," Jed boomed, before throwing his arms around them both and hugging them tightly towards him.

"Wonderful?" CJ managed to choke, suddenly feeling a lack of oxygen from the hug.

"Yes, wonderful," he repeated, looking at them both. "I worry about you, CJ, and I worry about Leo, and now I don't have to worry about either of you because I know he'll take care of you, and I know you'll take care of him. It's the best solution!"

Leo looked at his friend and wondered if he had finally lost it. "You do realize Jed that we're talking about a relationship and not like, college roommates, right?"

Jed laughed. "I don't want to know the intimate details, but you will take care of each other. You wouldn't have come here tonight together like this if you didn't plan on making this work."

Abbey grinned as she worked her way into the group. "My husband may be brilliant but he sucks at telling people how he feels," she covered. "But we are happy for you. After all, we love you both so very much."

CJ felt her stomach ease a bit, though she still wondered when the other shoe could drop. It couldn't all go this well and there was still the possibility of someone breaking out a chainsaw and hacking them all to pieces, right? CJ cringed at the thought, realizing that she was very much in 'angsty meet the parents' mode, and that it was probably only going to get worse.

"You've said almost nothing, CJ. Are you feeling all right?"

"I wouldn't mind going to find one of those overpriced decorative vases you mentioned," she said off the cuff, trying to join in the lightened mood.

Jed and Abbey exchanged serious looks before turning back to their friends. "You're not pregnant, are you?" They asked almost in unison.

"No!" she said more quickly than she had intended.

"Ah, well then, we can hope though, right?" Abbey winked at CJ before taking her by the hand. "You're going to come with me, have a good stiff drink and tell me all about how you and our Leo ended up coming together tonight."

Looking back at Leo like a deer caught in headlights, she wondered if there was a way he could join her. "Uh, Abbey..." Leo's voice interrupted the great escape.

The older woman stopped in her tracks.

"Is it possible that we all sit and have that talk together? I don't get to spend much time with CJ, and tonight was supposed to be our chance to be together."

CJ's heart melted. He was saving her, and for that she was eternally grateful.

"Missing her already, Leo?" Jed asked.

"Every minute we're not together," he replied, heartfelt.

Abbey sighed. "Young love. So great. Now, let's go settle down and wait for Toby to get here. Does he know yet?" CJ managed to mumble a no. "Then, Jethro, get out the scotch. I have a feeling Toby might need a drink or two."

Reaching out to take her hand, Leo smiled at CJ who finally had relaxed enough to smile back.

Meanwhile, CJ was marveling that he kept his promise to stay by her the entire night, and for that she felt not only incredibly relieved, but also very loved.

27

"We escaped, and in one piece," CJ joked, feeling much more relaxed now that the night was mostly over.

"I thought it went well," Leo said, his fingers brushing a few errant hairs out of her face.

"It did," she agreed, turning the key in the lock and letting them in. "Just very stressful."

"I know. You barely ate a bite at dinner." Holding the door open for her, he let her lead them in. "Do you want me to make you something?"

"Nah. I'm fine. It's too late to eat anyway," she mumbled, kicking off her shoes and placing her purse on the end table. "Besides, I really just want to get out of this dress and into a comfy pair of pajamas."

Leo smiled at the thought. "It's late and you're tired. You should go get some sleep," he said, leaning against the wall, his head tilted as he made a point of remembering this moment: a very relaxed CJ standing in her stocking feet and a hand absently rubbing her arm.

"Nuh uh, Mr. You don't get off quite that easy." She saw him getting ready to make his break and that wasn't going to fly. "You promised to stay the night."

Leo thought about the promise and realized she was right. He had secretly been hoping she'd forgotten about it because after all the poking and prodding of the evening about their relationship it didn't seem like the right time to make love for the first time. "You sure that's a good idea?"

Shrugging, she took his hand. "I think tonight I just want you to hold me," she admitted. "But I like that we can do that and it doesn't feel uncomfortable. I like that you will hold me all night long. Most guys won't, ya know."

Leo didn't really know how to reply to that. It wasn't that he didn't want to make love to her, but he felt nervous about it. He wasn't young any more and she most definitely was, and he had heard something about her being great in bed, not that he ever expected to know for himself. "You've just not dated the right kind of guys," he said, trying to be as calm and collected as he could.

"Well, I'm dating the right guy now and as much as I appreciate you being willing to wait for me, I hope you know that I have every intention of us changing our relationship in the not so distant future."

He watched her hips sway as they made their way up the stairs and she led him to the room, and now that they were there, he was in a state of awe. Leo wasn't sure he could remember how to get undressed if he tried.

Leo was like an open book sometimes, she thought, which made her feel even more consumed by her love for him. He was there, waiting for her to lay out the expectations and he was quite obviously feeling overwhelmed. "Now, I'm going to get changed and you should get comfy. When I get back, we're going to talk about this, because obviously there's something up."

When she left the room he abandoned his suit jacket over the back of a chair, and his dress shirt and slacks followed suit. Rolling his socks into a ball, he thought about his nervousness and realized he'd never felt quite so insecure in his entire life. Mind you, he had spent the better part of his life drunk, and alcohol had a way of shedding one's inhibitions, but he was genuinely nervous in his relationship with CJ. He felt that most of it was very tentative, and sometimes he worried that it was all a big warning shot.

He made his way into the bed, and pulled back the covers on her side of the bed, moving the pillows down into a more comfortable sleeping position. Switching on the bedside lamps, he admired the few pictures she had through the room and the small remembrances that she had accumulated.

"Comfy?"

Leo nodded, wondering how she managed to look so sexy in cotton shorts and a matching jersey style t-shirt. Maybe he was less comfortable, he considered, than he had initially felt.

"Thanks," she said, motioning towards the bed and the blankets he folded back for her.

He just couldn't come up with one good thing to say. Everything that came to mind seemed to be a complete conversation flop. Nothing even vaguely intelligent was presenting itself to him. Damn it, he thought.

"Cat's got your tongue, and I'm wondering why?" Crawling in beside him, she pulled the blankets over her before resting her hand on his stomach and looking into his eyes.

"Just a little nervous," he admitted.

"Nervous?" She bit back a laugh. He had nothing to be nervous of, she was sure.

He shrugged before his hand found hers on his stomach and entwined his fingers. "I really, really like you, CJ."

She giggled at the tone of his voice. He was obviously trying to come up with the best way to say something. "I really, really like you," she assured him.

"And I don't want you to be..."

"Leo," she said, cutting him off. "Are you trying to say something that's going to upset me? Are you going to try and tell me a reason we shouldn't be together?" She propped herself up on her elbow, looking down on him. "Because after tonight, there's nothing left to be said. Everyone's happy for us, and even if they're a bit uncomfortable, they seem pretty supportive."

"I'm old, CJ. You're so young, and I'm so old, and I just worry..."

"I'm not so young, Leo," she commented, watching his expression. "And it doesn't stop me from loving you."

His eyes lit up at her words. "I love you too, CJ..."

"Then? Are you trying to tell me that you'll never make love to me? Because that won't work."

"It's not..."

"Nope. No more discussion on this, unless you're going to tell me that I don't do anything for you; because you do tons for me, and we've not even gotten to the fun stuff yet. So I think you'll just have to let it go and admit it; you're a great catch and I'm damn lucky to have you. Just like you're damn lucky to have me."

"I'm very lucky to have you," he agreed.

"All right. It's settled then. Because I know for a fact that a certain lawyer had a huge smile on her face after the election, and she seemed pretty keen on you. I know what I'm getting into, just as much as you do." Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she smiled at him. "And I also know that you're a very impressive man. You have numerous talents beyond being a political power player. So, I have every faith that you will be just as brilliant in bed."

He laughed. "You have a lot of faith in me."

"Yep. And nothin's gonna change that. So shut up and hold me, and let's get some sleep. Tomorrow I'm dragging you out for a walk, and then we'll go to work for a bit. And then I'm making us dinner..."

Leo groaned. "If you love me so much, why are you trying to kill me?"

Slapping at his chest playfully she had to admit he was probably right. The only things she could cook probably were fairly cruel to serve to someone you love. "All right. I'll order in. But still, you'll get to spend at least one night here where cooking isn't a prerequisite," she assured him.

"Fair enough," Leo said, pulling her closer towards him. The nervousness was still there, but he had to admit that the alternative was not having her in his life and that seemed too high a price to pay for a case of jitters.

28

When CJ woke up, Leo had somehow managed to make his way out of the bed without her noticing. It surprised her, she had to admit, and more than anything, she was disappointed he wasn't still holding her.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes, CJ realized how much of an impact he had made on her already. When she was with Ben, she was thrilled that he had found his way out of bed and preferably away from her. With Leo, she wanted him to be around for everything, and when he wasn't there, she felt lonely. She sighed. Men could be confusing.

Finding her slippers under the edge of the bed, CJ made her way towards the door to the bedroom and then down the steps. As she approached the kitchen, she could swear she could hear whistling.

Peaking through the doorway into the kitchen, she had to smile at the man standing over the stove, spatula in one hand, pen in the other. In between what looked like scrambling eggs, he filled in words on the crossword that sat on the counter. Periodically, he would do something with the other pan on the stove, or take a sip from his coffee cup, all making the scene seem like an example of perfect domestic bliss.

"Good morning," she said, making her way over to Leo and wrapping her arms around his hips.

"Morning," he replied, turning to kiss her cheek briefly before returning his attention to the food. "Thought I'd make us some breakfast and then we'd get started on the day."

"Sounds wonderful," CJ smiled, noticing the almost completely filled in crossword puzzle. "How long have you been awake?"

Looking at his watch, he smiled. "Not long. I slept in, again. You're a bad influence on me, I think."

Shrugging, she didn't mind that he blamed her for sleeping more. In fact, they were both getting more rest than they had in years and it was showing. Seeing Leo standing over a stove wearing his dress pants and his undershirt, making breakfast for them both while doing the crossword made him seem much younger. "If you think I'm a bad influence now, just wait," CJ assured him.

Enjoying her arms wrapped around him, Leo wondered how he had survived so long alone, and even before he was single, he had been in the tail end of a hurricane of a marriage.

"You said something last night about a walk, and then going to work?"

"Well, work is optional. The walk isn't." She smiled and then stole a sip of his coffee, which she noticed didn't even cause him to flinch. "And I was thinking you might want to leave some stuff here, so when you stay over you have things instead of us having to race back to your place to get them before we do anything."

Leo was on cloud nine, there was no way around it. Everything so far was incredibly perfect, and they were just getting started. The normal stresses of building a relationship were totally absent, leaving only their relatively singular concern of making love. "Sounds good. Maybe before our walk we can go to the hotel, pick up some things, and then come back?"

"Deal."

"Great. Food is ready. Traditional McGarry Sunday morning fare: scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and coffee. I couldn't find any orange juice in your fridge so we're stuck with just coffee, but I'll pick some up for next week." Turning in her arms to place a quick kiss on her lips, he smiled at the expression of surprise on her face.

"I guess if we're going to eat, we should probably not start doing that, huh?"

"There's always this afternoon," he reminded her.

"True. And I am hungry. All right. Food, hotel, walk, and then we'll figure out what's next."

"Sounds perfect," Leo said, feeling completely at home.

The day had been blissful. There wasn't a single thing either of them could think of that they'd change.

From Leo's apartment, they drove back to CJ's to drop off the things he had collected and then asked the driver to drop them off at the nearby park. They would find their own way home after their walk.

The walk had been peaceful as they went, hand in hand, past trees and flowers that were obviously planted with care.

The chit chat had been all over the map. At one point they were talking about their old friends, and the cities they'd lived in, and a few minutes later they had somehow managed to drift into a comfortable conversation about their most embarrassing moments.

When CJ stopped to read a plaque about the dedication of a tree in honor of a cancer patient, her eyes brimmed with tears, remembering her own friends and family lost to the disease.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Leo rested his chin on her shoulder. "It's an awful disease," he managed, wondering if there was anyone out there who hadn't been touched by the heavy hand of cancer.

"It took my mother. It took my aunt. It even took a friend of mine from high school. Seems no one's safe," she managed, before realizing the dates on the bronze plate at the base of the tree. "1986-1993," she read out loud, her heart constricting at the thought of such a young child dying.

"Just a baby," Leo said, understanding how upset it made her as he too fought tears that threatened to shed. "But we've come a long way in the past ten years," he assured her. "And it's only going to get better."

"We hope," she added. "You forgot to say that we _hope_ it gets better."

"It will. There are too few people untouched by it, Ceej, and eventually we're going to beat it." Squeezing her a little closer to him, Leo softly smiled. "What better way is there to be remembered than in your favorite place, surrounded by all this life?"

Turning in his arms, CJ thought about it for a moment. "I hope we don't have to seriously consider that any time soon, because I don't know what I'd do without you. This is all too new and wonderful to even think about it ending."

"I'm not going anywhere, are you?" The sparkle in his eye was enough to break the somber mood.

"I was thinking about home, maybe to take a nap. Well, maybe just go to bed," she said, hoping he'd catch her implication.

"As long as I can come with you."

"Always," CJ told him, comforted that for the time being, there was nowhere he'd rather be.

Their walk back to the house was almost completely silent, their hands tightly holding on to one another. Periodically, they would stop to look at something, but mostly just to point something out and then they'd continue on the way back to the brownstone.

As easy as it was for Leo to say they'd always be together, he worried that someday she'd realize how much better she could do, or at least how much better she deserved. But, in the meantime, Leo had decided it would be his job to show her just how much he loved her and to make her as happy as she made him. He would do everything in his power to keep her at his side, and maybe, if he was lucky, he'd never have to know another day without her.

29

At the brownstone, CJ had carefully slipped her shoes off her feet before taking Leo's hand and leading him up the stairs.

Carefully opening her door, she paused and leaned against the frame. Leo's breath caught in his throat when he looked into her eyes and saw the desire evident.

"You know, I won't bite," CJ assured him, enjoying the power she seemed to have over him. It was strange to see a man who was normally so in control, stand in front of her, looking exposed and vulnerable.

"You say that now," he joked, not feeling as assured as he would have liked.

Unbuttoning the top two buttons on her shirt, CJ smiled as his eyes drifted to watch her hands.

"You sure this is..."

Leaning forward, CJ captured his lips with hers, her hands wrapping around his body and pulling him nearer to her. Before he had the opportunity to fully voice his concerns, she cut him off, and it was probably for the best.

"Yes," she said simply, her hands working his belt buckle. Holding on to either side of his belt, she pulled him back into the room, stopping in front of the bed. "I've wanted this long enough to know that I don't want to turn back now," CJ promised.

Leo wondered if his heart would beat out of his chest. The sheer love and attraction he was feeling toward the woman in front of him was enough to be nearly disabling. Still, he was determined to regain some degree of coherence. His hands moved up from her hips, dragging with them the material of her shirt.

When CJ nodded her consent, he pulled the shirt up and over her head, watching as its absence left an expanse of bare skin. His breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her standing before him in a cream-colored bra. "You are absolutely beautiful," he managed, his voice low.

Sliding her hands under the hem of his sweater, CJ tugged it up and removed the piece of material. Moving to his pants, CJ deftly unzipped and unbuttoned them, before letting them drop to the floor.

Stepping out of the pool of clothing, Leo kicked the pants aside and toed out of his socks. The last thing he wanted was for her to conjure an image of Jack Lemmon a la 'Grumpy Old Men'.

His hands made their journey from her shoulder blades down her back until they were resting at the base of her spine. "You are amazing," he said again, barely able to speak for fear of losing all coherency. Dipping around and unbuttoning her slacks, he was pleased when he saw her shiver at his touch. Whatever effect she was having on him, he was at least having a similar one on her.

When his hands found the lace of her panties, Leo realized they were almost past the point of no return. They were both so consumed by their feelings that stopping would surely kill them, he thought.

"I love you," CJ whispered, before reaching for his undershirt.

"I love you too, Ceej," he replied. He wasn't sure if it was all just an elaborate dream, but he was certain he didn't want it to stop.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it," CJ asked, her head resting on his chest.

Leo looked down at her in horror. "It wasn't 'so bad'?" He was mortified by her description of their recent bout of lovemaking. "Way to kill a guy's ego."

CJ giggled at his indignation. "I think it was absolutely wonderful. I think you're the single most impressive lover I've had in a very long time. But you were the one who was worried..." She tried to hide her 'cat that ate the canary' look, but it was too good to be true.

Running his hand over the length of her side, taking in the expanse of creamy skin and the gentle swell of her breast, Leo had to admit that he had been quite entranced by her. "You're just saying that to make up for the 'not so bad' part."

Crawling further up his body until they were pressed flush together, CJ's lips hovered above his. "Trust me, it's been a long time since I've had that many orgasms in one afternoon. In fact, I'd say there's a possibility that save for a week in Jamaica during my misspent youth, I've _never_ come that many times in an afternoon."

Leo leaned up to meet her lips with his own. He was already growing addicted to her taste. She had this overwhelming control over him and for once, he didn't mind being dependant. This was the kind of dependency his life had lacked up until now. "Misspent youth, eh?"

"Well, you get to benefit from it as much as I do," she grinned. Her hand slithered down his body to the sheet that was strewn across his hips, her fingers ducking below.

"This is true. And oh, what kind of benefits they are." Distracted by the sudden pressure of her fingers on him, Leo groaned.

"Think you could get used to this?" CJ waited for his response, her fingers kneading the skin of his thigh. It had been such a buildup to them making love that she secretly worried he had regrets or didn't enjoy it as much as she did.

"I think I'm already used to it," he confessed, his own hands wrapping around her and rolling them so he was straddling her hips. This was how he wanted to live out every last one of his days. Could there be a better way to live? As his lips explored her collarbone and neck, his hands gently caressed her skin, earning a moan from CJ. "Do you think you could get used to this?" He asked in between kisses, carefully mapping his way down her body towards her breasts.

"I'll send up a white flag," she said as he took her nipple in his mouth, teasing it. "I surrender. I'm yours..."

Smiling against her flesh, Leo laughed, the vibrations causing a rippling effect through CJ. "Speaking of flags..." he managed to mumble, knowing that it would be an exquisitely exhausting afternoon.

30

Monday morning came too soon, and with it came another crisis. There were bombings in Palestine, and forty were dead so far. There were another seventy wounded.

When the phone call came in, Leo had jolted awake and was torn between answering the phone and raining kisses over CJ's body. As much as he wanted to continue his discovery of her, he knew that the phone ringing at 4:15 in the morning was probably not a social call.

By lunchtime, he had only seen CJ for a grand total of twenty minutes in senior staff and the rest of the day didn't look any better. There was a never-ending list of meetings right up until 7:30, which meant that he wouldn't be finished until 8:30 at earliest.

Even 8:30 seemed too far away as Leo thought back to the day before and spending the afternoon and evening in bed with CJ, making love and discovering each other's most sensitive spots.

Midafternoon brought a flower delivery of a dozen calla lilies to CJ's office, and a card that read: 'I miss you already...' It managed to bring a smile to her face, despite the day's events, and she wondered if there was anything better than being in love.

"It's 10:30, Leo, pack it in," the voice from the Oval Office said, jarring Leo from a half-asleep state.

"Sir...I was just waiting for news back from Nancy on a few things." Standing, he wondered if his body always felt as heavy as it did at that moment or if he was just that exhausted.

Jed motioned for his friend to sit down before taking a seat opposite the desk. "Even if she could get back to you tonight, which I doubt, I bet there's someone who'd rather spend some time with you."

Still coming out of his dazed state, Leo shook off the sleepiness. "CJ went home a couple of hours ago."

"Well then, she came back because at last walk around she was still here, and that was about twenty minutes ago." Standing, he put his hands in his pockets. "I've never seen a woman look at you the way she does."

"Should I find that oddly insulting?" Leo's lips turned up in a smile, understanding his friend but finding the perfect opportunity to tease.

"You should find that incredibly complimentary. She loves you with everything she has to give, and that's no small miracle considering you're one grumpy old curmudgeon."

Leo made his way to his feet, placing everything necessary into his desk and locking the drawer. "Well, I love her more than I've ever loved anything, and I need her more than I've ever needed anything," he said, wanting to add 'even more than booze'.

"Then go home! The rest of the world is somewhat under control. And I have it on good authority that sometimes you just need to leave the building and decompress. Not that I _can_ leave the building really, without throwing dozens of men into fits, but you can, so I need to live vicariously through you." Jed laughed before making his way back towards his office. "I'm heading home, and you should too..." Closing the door behind him, the President knew that his friend would find his way home earlier than he had planned that night, if only to spend some time in the arms of the woman he loved.

Picking up his suit jacket and his briefcase, Leo turned off the lights and made his way towards her office.

Everything was still, he noticed, which was unusual to see after the day they had. After all, everyone had been in crisis mode trying to handle the news of the four Americans killed in the bombings, one of them, a senator's son.

Leaning in her doorway, Leo had to admit his breath still caught in his throat when he saw her. It was absolutely unfathomable that she loved him, he thought. "Ready to go home?"

Looking up towards the voice, CJ couldn't help but smile when she saw him there, his jacket over his arm. "I could be persuaded."

"Well, are we talking the kind of persuasion that will throw out my back, or a different, less dangerous kind?"

"If you do it right, you probably won't throw out your back," she said wryly. "But no matter, there are compromises to be had. A bubble bath, perhaps?"

"I'm not good at bubble baths. I've had very little experience," Leo said, enjoying the comfort between them.

"No worries. I'll teach you everything you need to know while you wash my back." Grinning at him, she pushed a few things into her bag. "Let's go while we still have a couple of hours before we need to be back here."

31

It was the perfect time, John figured. When he saw them all walk through the door of the restaurant, he started to formulate a plan.

There they were, all of the President's top advisors, in the same restaurant as he was. He had to admit it was intriguing to him to see CJ and Leo sitting together at the same table, let alone sitting so closely. Ever since the night in the restaurant where he ran into CJ, John wondered if there was something going on between the Press Secretary and the Chief of Staff. Even though they were hardly giving anything away by the way they were sitting, they definitely seemed quite comfortable and coupled with the fact that Leo had been so willing to step between himself and CJ.

It wasn't until several minutes later when he saw Carol get up and walk towards the front doors that he realized he had the opportunity to get his answer. The assistants were privy to everything that happened with their bosses, so talking to Carol would be as good as talking to CJ herself. That was, if he could get her to talk. The assistants were also notoriously good at keeping things confidential, which in their job was an asset, but could kill his plan.

He'd never moved so quickly, excusing himself from his date, and making it look like he was headed for the washroom. "Good evening, Carol." Smiling broadly, John tried to act as cool as possible. He didn't want to give himself away too soon.

Turning, Carol put a face with the voice, and realized that it would be just her misfortune to run into the former V.P. on her evening out with her friends. "Uh, good evening." She couldn't figure out how to address him. After all, he was no longer 'Sir', and she wasn't comfortable calling him John.

"Now that I no longer have a security detail, it's funny how many people I run into—last week I ran into a few old friends from back home, and a few weeks ago, I ran into CJ and Leo. Now I'm running into you!" There it was. The trap was set. If she knew anything, this would make her think that he knew something, and hopefully it would force her into confirming.

"I'd imagine that when they don't clear out the entire restaurant for your use, you would start to run into people," Carol agreed, wondering how to get away from him without being rude. She only intended to escape long enough to return a quick phone call, and the longer she was gone, the more of the Thursday night comedy she'd miss. After all, Josh and Donna were back, and her friends never managed to let her down.

"I suppose you're right." He didn't like that she hadn't already commented on his first bait—she hadn't acknowledged his earlier commented on CJ and Leo. "Isn't it great about CJ and Leo?" Well, he stuck his neck out there, and he was just waiting for her to confirm or deny.

The statement managed to stop Carol dead in her tracks. She had been flipping through her handbag searching for her cell until he said that, and now she was awestruck. How did he know about CJ and Leo, and moreover, why did they tell him before they told anyone else?

John smiled, noting that her response was to stop talking. Definitely if there was something to deny, she would have done so by now, right? "I mean, I would have thought their age difference would have been enough to keep them apart, if not the conflict of interest but it seems that they're too good together. Or something like that."

Shaking it off, Carol wasn't sure how to reply. She really wasn't supposed to know about her boss or the relationship with Leo, and if it weren't for the bonds of the sisterhood and the way the assistants were privy to everything in the West Wing, she'd have no clue. "It's funny how things don't always turn out the way you'd think." That was as obtuse a comment as she could muster.

Hoping she'd give him a straightforward answer, John tried to conjure the best way to manipulate the situation. "Even if we didn't expect it, it seems to be working well for them. Leo deserves a little happiness, even if it is with someone like CJ." If he couldn't get it out of her in friendly conversation, at least there was hope that he might get it out of her in a fight.

Staring at the former Vice President as if he had an extra head, Carol steeled herself for a fight. "Someone like CJ? And what kind of someone would that be? A passionate, intelligent, beautiful woman?"

"Someone so young," John said, noting the rising tone of the assistant's voice. His plan just might be working.

"They're perfect together. Age isn't even an issue, and what you think certainly doesn't rate anywhere in the top ten concerns!" Flipping open her cell, Carol felt like hitting him. But even if he didn't still have a security detail, it might just make headline news if she punched him. "Now, if you'd excuse me, I have a call to make." Not even waiting for a goodbye, Carol made her way out the front door and began pounding numbers into her phone.

John had as much confirmation as he needed and knew what he would have to do next. Brushing off the twinge of guilt he was feeling for even considering the next step, he sighed and justified it easily. If CJ hadn't been so quick to threaten him, and Leo hadn't been so quick to jump in his face, maybe they wouldn't be where they were now.

Making his way back to his table, and a probably extremely pissed off date, John began to make decisions as to what would come next.

32

"It's out there," Toby said, ducking around the corner of the office and waiting for CJ's reaction. His hands instinctively dived into his pockets as he rocked on his heels.

"What's out there?" Looking past him into the bullpen, she half expected to see something behind him.

"The press knows..." His eyes focused on the floor, he wondered if there was a good way to have this conversation. When she still looked at him as if to say 'yeah, what' he reached behind him and closed the door. "They know about you and Leo."

"What?" CJ stood up, and almost instantly began pacing. "How? Who leaked it?"

Toby shrugged. "It's on the web. I expect we'll be hearing about it tomorrow in the briefing. You called a full lid already tonight, right?"

CJ nodded. "Where on the web?"

"Don't go there, CJ, it's not worth it." Toby started to wonder if he drew the short straw in all of this. As he was standing in CJ's office talking to her about the Press, Margaret had gone to talk to Leo. It might have been easier to tell them together, he thought, but Margaret had insisted that she talk to Leo and let him know what she knew. It seemed only fair that they speak to their respective 'best friends'.

"Not worth it? Someone out there is reading up on my personal life and I'm not entitled to look into it?" Wildly twirling a pen between her fingers, she was reeling from the news.

"I'm just saying, they'll say what they say. You can't stop it."

"How much do they have?"

"A source close to the White House says that they are personally aware of an intimate relationship between you and Leo. They say it's been a couple of months already and that you've been seen in public acting affectionately." Her pacing was unnerving him. There was so much going on and so few ways he could comfort her.

"A source close to the White House...Seen in public? Dear God, Toby, they have art, don't they?" The realization that they may have evidence of what she imagined they called her torrid affair terrified her.

"A couple of pictures of you and Leo walking... is it possible you're walking through Lafayette Park?"

"Shit. Shit, shit shit... Last weekend." Kicking herself, CJ wondered how they could be so careless. "Just walking?"

"Did you have a quickie in the bush?" His comment earned him a dirty glare. "I'm just saying that would make it worse, right?"

"Worse would be...Toby, listen, this is going to be bad." She knew that the potential for disaster was incredible. "We need to figure out a strategy. We need a strategy and we need some kind of...who am I kidding. This is going to blow up in our faces. It's too soon for it to come out and now we're going to have to deal with the fallout. Shit."

"Look, we'll figure it out. It isn't so bad, CJ. It had to come out eventually." Running his hand through his thinning hair, he hoped Leo was taking it better than CJ was. Realistically he probably would; since he started dating CJ, he had become the easier going one.

"Leo?"

"Yeah, Margaret?" Piling the last few things in his briefcase, Leo hoped whatever she wanted wouldn't take too long. He had watched the last briefing and CJ had already called a full lid. If he made it over to her office in the next few minutes, they might still be able to salvage whatever was left of their night.

"We need to..." The tall red head stepped a little farther into his office, closing the door behind her. "We need to talk."

"Uh, ok." Worried by the grave expression on her face, Leo wondered if something had happened. "Is everyone ok?"

Nodding, she took a seat in the chair across from his desk, and gestured for him to take a seat. "Everyone's fine," she assured him.

"Then why do you look like someone just ran over your dog?"

"You know I don't have a dog, Leo," she reminded him. "I'd never get home to feed it or walk it."

"It was...Just tell me what's going on, ok?"

"The press knows about you and CJ."

Leo looked at her, confused. "_You_ know about me and CJ?"

"I can't _not_ notice, Leo. I work for you and I know you pretty well," she reminded him.

"Yeah. Whatever. I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he said softly.

"You would have when you were ready to. But now things are a little different."

Leo fingered his tie and wondered if CJ knew yet, and if so, how she was taking it. "Who has it?"

"It's online. It's not a bad story, Leo. They really don't call you guys out as badly as they might have."

"Does she...?"

"Toby's talking to her."

"Is there something I should do?" he asked, in a sudden fit of helplessness. Leo was hardly ashamed that people knew about him and CJ, but if he had to bet money, he'd say that CJ wasn't feeling very relaxed about the whole scenario.

"I'd go talk to her," Margaret said softly. "And I'd remember how happy she's made you."

"Thanks," he managed, before picking up his briefcase. The evening was no longer salvageable, but he'd do what he could.

"CJ?" From the doorway, he noticed her crumpled form resting against the desk. When she didn't move or reply to him, he walked closer and ran his hand over her shoulder. "CJ, honey, Margaret told me."

"Yeah. Toby talked to me. I guess this is what we get for having an interoffice affair." Sitting up in her chair and managing to roll away from him, CJ tried not to pay any attention to the way it felt like her heart was breaking.

"What?" He asked, not understanding what she meant and more than a little hurt that she had moved away from him. It only registered after his initial disappointment that not only had she pulled away from him, but she had called their relationship an 'interoffice affair.'

"I guess it's what we get: the Press finds out, gets some pictures and now we're left holding the bag." Her voice was level, and cool. Leo could tell she was obviously trying to keep him at arm's length.

"It's not quite that bad. They didn't just catch us red-handed with pornography," he said, surprised by how angry she seemed.

"Might as well have. They'll treat it like they did."

"So far it doesn't look too bad," Leo tried to comfort her. It was true. There were no words like 'immoral' or 'reprehensible' in the article; so far they had made out like bandits.

"Wait 'til I get it in the press room and we'll see how bad it looks then. Until then, we have no way to gauge it." Despite her words, she wasn't mad at him, but she didn't have the heart to tell that to him. If he tried to make her feel better, she'd just melt in his arms and never want to let go but she couldn't let that happen. It was too important that she keep her head in the game and her feelings would have to take a backseat, yet again.

"CJ, are you under eighteen years of age?" Stepping away from her and taking a seat on her sofa, he watched for her reaction.

"What?"

"Are you under eighteen years of age?" Maintaining a level voice and forcing himself not to smile at the expression of mortification on her face, Leo spoke again.

"No. Have you hit your head on something hard?"

"Did you at any time feel pressured to have a relationship with me?" This is where he hoped the wheels wouldn't come off. His plan had great potential for backfire but he couldn't have misread his relationship with her so grossly, could he?

"No...Leo..." The initial look of horror was suddenly replaced with confusion, which incredibly was enough to give Leo hope that things might work out.

"Did you feel that if you didn't have sex with me that your job would be in danger?"

"No. Come on, this is ridiculous," she managed, without much conviction.

"No, it's not ridiculous, CJ. If you were a minor, then we would have a concern. I, for that matter, should you be concerned, am also over the age of eighteen; I hope the fact that I have a 35-year-old daughter bares significant witness to that." Leo smiled, finding the entire situation more humorous than threatening. "And I never considered a relationship with you a 'perk' of my job. And I sure as hell never thought you were obligated to have sex with me though I'll never deny that I have, over the years, often hoped that you would."

"The fact that you have a daughter that is ten years my junior is a cause for a riot in the press room," CJ pointed out. "The fact that you are technically my boss will also feed the piranhas."

"I never thought this was an interoffice affair," he said, wounded, not knowing what else to say. Leo realized it seemed disjointed but it was all he really had left to say. Well, almost all. "I love you CJ, and I never would have taken the chance on a relationship with you if I weren't positive that we were worth it."

"They're going to see a sex scandal, and I'm not sure I can sell them much else." Avoiding looking at him, she fought the urge to tell him she loved him too. It was too difficult to see all the pain in his eyes when he so obviously was trying to make things right between them; he was always picking up the pieces for her.

"You can sell anything you want to; I've never met a more competent or enthralling woman who could make the world do what she wanted. But you're not going to listen to me tonight, are you?"

Picking up a pen off her desk, CJ wished she could give him the answer that he wanted to hear, but she barely knew what her answer was, let alone what she'd tell the press. "I have some stuff to wrap up," she said sadly.

"There's nothing that can't be done tomorrow, Ceej."

"I'd like to have a plan before I go into the pressroom and take my life in my hands," she said coolly.

"Fine. I'll stay and help you then."

"Just go home Leo. I'll talk to you later." That was enough to drive the proverbial stake through her heart.

"Do you want me to meet you at the house?" This was it, he thought. As soon as he left, he would be leaving it in her hands, and it seemed obvious enough that she had no intentions of letting him influence the decisions.

"No. No, go back to the hotel. I'm going to be here late, and when I get home, I'm going to need to sleep."

Shuffling his feet when he stood, Leo decided not to look back once he got to the door. "I do love you CJ. Whether you believe me or not, I love you."

33

CJ paced back and forth, realizing her office was too small for her at that exact moment. She couldn't build up quite enough momentum in her strides to burn as much energy as she would have liked. Crossing the room in a few long steps, she would start again.

"Briefing in a half hour," Carol said, peaking into the office.

"Great. Just what I need. I don't even know what to say yet."

"The truth would be good," Carol replied quickly before getting an icy glare from her boss.

"She's not sure what the truth is yet," Leo told the younger woman, having witnessed the exchange. Honestly, he didn't even know what the truth was, because CJ had not yet told him what was going to happen at the briefing. He knew it all boiled down to two possible answers: confirming that they were involved or denying their involvement.

"I know what the truth is," she corrected. "I just don't know what the truth will be when I get in there."

Carol knew that whatever was about to happen, she did not want to be there encroaching on CJ and Leo's privacy. Instead, she decided it would be safest on the other side of a closed door.

As Carol disappeared, Leo was secretly thankful at the assistant's common sense. The situation had the potential to be explosive, and not in the best kind of way, he realized.

"Do you know what you're going to say yet?"

"Not really."

"Do you want to talk about what you're going to say?" He watched as she rubbed her temples, a habit she surely picked up from spending too much time with Toby.

"Not really," she admitted. The twelve hours since she found out the story was going to break had been the worst of her life. Everything seemed to have a new weight to it, and every hurdle had transformed into indescribable mountains.

"Ok, well maybe I'll talk then, you can listen. Since you didn't go home last night, and didn't come to the hotel, I had lots of time to think."

Shrugging as if she were indifferent, she braced for what was probably going to be the end of the world as she knew it.

"I don't sleep as well when you're not beside me. I don't feel as good about anything when you're not with me. I don't even like doing the crossword as much when you're not standing over me, giving me the wrong answers..."

"They're not the wrong answers," she said quietly, though secretly she knew he was right. "They're just not the answers they expect."

"Whatever," he grumbled, secretly pleased that she had replied to him at all. "I don't want to try to survive without you," Leo said, his heart sinking at the thought of no longer having her in his life. For someone who supposedly was such a new part of his life, he knew that CJ had made all the difference.

"I'm not saying..." CJ sighed.

"You're not saying anything, and that's as much of a problem as saying too much! Right now I don't know what's going on."

She really didn't know what she was trying to say. She sure as hell didn't want to say goodbye to him, and especially not just because John Hoynes had been an asshole and leaked their relationship.

Standing in the middle of her office, she wasn't sure what to say. Taking a breath, she took a seat on the couch and thought for a moment. "Leo, in twenty-five minutes I have to go out there and make a statement about us," she began.

"I know, and I hate like hell that this all came out now. I hate that this is a factor in our lives now, when it's so early in our relationship." Before Leo could manage another word, her hand moved up in a motion as if to silence him, stopping him from finishing his argument.

Fingering a piece of imaginary lint on her skirt, CJ contemplated what to say. "If we come out and admit to having a relationship, that will put us both under a microscope," she pointed out.

"We're already under the microscope." So he was telling her the obvious fact, he thought; at least he would go down fighting. He was sick to death of the idea that he might have to walk away.

"It'll be worse. We'll never have a life, and we'll never get the opportunity to really explore this because it will constantly be thrown in our faces by the media."

Leo shrugged the comment off. "We're only going to be in the limelight until something new comes up—we both know this isn't forever."

"If I deny it, then I'll have to deal with standing up against Hoynes and calling him a liar," CJ said, thinking out loud.

"If you deny it, we'll never be able to have any semblance of a relationship." When he looked into her eyes, he realized that she might just be leaning towards the 'easier' way.

But it wasn't easier, he thought. It wouldn't be easier to try and bury their emotions when they both so clearly felt love and passion for one another. "I will not lose you over something like this, CJ. I can't let you walk away that easily."

Leo leaned in closer, carefully watching her reaction to his movements, hoping that she wouldn't feel the need to push him away. "I lost Jenny because I was too busy to notice. I can't lose you too. I can't lose you when you're all I think about every spare second of the day."

Blinking her eyes to keep back the tears, CJ struggled for a breath. It seemed as if the entire world was resting on her. "Leo, I can't go into that pressroom and say 'yes, I'm in love with my boss... yes, we go home together. No, we don't see anything wrong with it.'" Running a hand over his creased forehead, CJ watched as he closed his eyes.

"I don't see anything wrong with it. Work hasn't interfered once and I think that we've been exemplary employees," Leo said hesitantly. He knew what was coming next. He knew that CJ was a brilliant Press Secretary and would cut him off at the pass.

"So what happens when work does interfere? I mean, we've been lucky so far, but what happens when there's a major crisis and for once we're in the middle of a fight and something happens? Who calls the shots at home?"

"Christ, CJ, you make it sound like we're running our own sub-government out of your brownstone, and you know damn well that's not what's happening."

Standing, CJ began to pace. "Do you think that people will see the distinction between Leo, Chief of Staff, and CJ, Press Secretary, and the two people that we are here?" Her hands gestured wildly, trying to think of a way to say it that wouldn't make her seem like she had no feelings for him. In truth, the feelings she had for him ran deeper than she could have ever imagined, and facing the possibility of losing him made her stomach churn. But there was still a reality to be faced. "I think they see two people who have a remarkable conflict of interest that is damn near insurmountable."

"Then damn it, CJ, I quit." Leo stood, feeling a rush of animosity surge through him. He never thought he'd give up so easily, but there he was. He was doing it.

"You quit on us? You're saying I should deny the leak?" She was taken aback by his words, and couldn't help but wonder if he had a reason for suddenly giving up. It was as if he just resigned himself to it.

"No. I'm saying I'll quit as Chief of Staff before I'm willing to let you walk away from me so easily." CJ stared at him in awe, not comprehending what he had just said. The words were all English, she recognized, but they didn't seem to form anything she was recognizing. "I'll leave the White House."

"You can't just quit. The President..." She managed to stammer out some words, not entirely sure they were coherent.

"The President will have to understand. He knows that I would do anything I could for him, but in a very short time it's all going to be coming to an end anyway and when all is said and done, I will have lost you for no reason. There isn't much time left in the White House, CJ, and the time we have left is going to be spent trying to tie up loose ends and push through every thing that we haven't been able to do yet. I don't want you to leave your job—I know how much it means to you. But you mean more to me than being the Chief of Staff does. So if it comes down to you or the job, it's you. It'll always be you." Taking her hand and leading her back to the sofa, Leo waited for her to absorb his news. It certainly wasn't something she was expecting, but it was something that had to be said.

"You can't quit your job. You can't do that to yourself."

"Why not? I can stay at home and cook, do some lectures, and maybe take some time to take my girlfriend out on the town and spoil her rotten like she deserves..." Squeezing her hand, he hoped that CJ wouldn't accuse him of being too pushy. Noticing that her expression had softened, he figured he might have a chance.

"You can't quit just to be my boyfriend full time," she said, cringing at how cold she sounded.

"Well, I'd be doing other things too. It would just mean that I'd have an opportunity to be around for you. I'd still do lectures, and I could always go back and maybe practice again." Leo smiled when CJ leaned closer, resting her second hand on top of his.

"I...You're so sweet sometimes," CJ said, her voice low.

"Here's the but, right?" Looking away, he hoped that whatever came next wouldn't be the goodbye thing.

"I just...I'm scared that you'll do this. You'll quit your job and you're going to hate me for it. Something will happen and suddenly you'll hate me." Chewing on her lower lip, CJ leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, shush, CJ, I could never hate you," he whispered against her ear as he stroked her back.

"Two minute warning," Carol called through the door.

"No pressure though," CJ grumbled. "Two minutes to decide the course of our lives."

"It's enough time to for me to go and resign, you realize." Leo wished he could go into the Pressroom for her and take whatever they were about to throw at her.

"I don't think we should talk about resigning right now. I think we should just tell them and see what happens. We can deal with the fallout later, right? If one of us needs to resign, we'll talk it over then?"

Shifting so he could look into her eyes, Leo rested his forehead against hers. "I love you CJ, and we'll do whatever we have to do to make this work. I promise."

Taking control and pressing her lips against his, CJ wondered how she could have ever considered not being with this amazing man. "We can take them on together."

"Every time," Leo assured her. "Now, let's get you ready to go in there. It's not too late to give the briefing over to Toby, you realize. You don't have to go in there if you don't want to."

"I can't say I want to, but this is our fight, not his." Standing up, she still held on to his hand.

"Want me to walk you to the Pressroom?"

Nodding, she grabbed the notes off her desk and opened her door.

"We thought we'd walk with you," Josh said, standing in front of the senior assistants and the First Lady. Toby lurched in a doorway just across the bullpen, just as nervous for his friends as he imagined they were.

The fact that CJ was still holding Leo's hand was not lost on them.

"Thanks," she said softly, before starting the walk. It was no small consolation that their friends very obviously supported them.

34

In the days since the briefing, things had a rather nervous air to them in the West Wing. No one really knew how to comment on the relationship between CJ and Leo, let alone do it in a way that wouldn't cause more waves.

By the end of the week, the news had died to more of a ripple of gossip; a few people had made comments, though none of them made headlines.

The final consensus seemed to be that from all the times people had accused the Bartlet Administration of being too close, this was the evidence.

Sitting at her desk, CJ flashed back to the press conference and wondered if maybe she should have been a little harder on the annoying reporter from the Atlanta Sun Times.

"CJ, I have on record a statement from Senator Graham of Iowa which likens the Bartlet White House to a modern day bath house. According to Senator Graham, there are far too many bedfellows in this White House and it's hindering this administration's ability to function. That was before your announcement." Jordan began, a poorly hidden smug expression on his face.

There it was; the less-than-tasteful blow that would create more gossip. Most reporters were somewhat respectful and took the 'no comment' replies as the final answer, but some pushed their luck and forced the issue. Obviously, Jordan didn't feel that respect was as much an issue as the others, and that could only be accredited to his very short time in her pressroom.

Still, CJ was grace under fire, which, under the circumstances, astounded Leo as he watched from his office. He wanted to go watch from the pressroom itself, but he knew that would possibly cause a riot, and at the very least would cause more harm than good.

"I still don't hear a question," CJ said impatiently, steeling herself for a regretful headline the next day. Somehow Senator Graham was about to steal the show.

"The question is this," the man began. "You've just announced a relationship between yourself and Mr. McGarry, the Chief of Staff, and to the world at large that is, to say the least, a remarkable conflict of interest. Are there any other couples in the White House of which we should be aware and how can you say that these relationships aren't creating a conflict when one partner is probably most often subordinate to the other?"

CJ groaned. What a horrible question. It was phrased badly, it was jumbled. It was TWO questions though, she'd have to point out.

"Which question would you like me to answer?" Her narrowed eyes focused on him, though she secretly wished someone would save her from the fire pit.

"Both."

"I'll choose then," CJ said simply, looking down towards the podium while composing her thoughts. "It is not our intention to create a 'conflict of interest' nor is it out intention to have you all up in arms, but sometimes things happen and you don't expect them to. I hope that anyone else who has a relationship is given the privacy they deserve as individuals, and the right to explore their feelings. We're all big kids here at the White House, and we are all able to act as such in our relationships. If, for whatever reason, an issue does arise, we have a substantial network of colleagues with whom we can work, and we will find a suitable solution."

"So there are other couples?" The reporter from the Kansas City Monitor asked.

"That's not why where here," CJ pointed out. "We're here to discuss the relationship between Mr. McGarry and me, and actually, we've done that too, so we're done here." Snapping her briefing book shut, she made her way down from the podium, despite the calls of her name coming from the room.

"Have you ever considered that we spend too much time here," Leo asked, leaning against the closed door behind him.

"Oh, I have. And I can honestly say that when our time is over..."

"You'll do a dance of joy?"

"I'll probably miss it a little bit," CJ said honestly.

Leo nodded. He knew that it wouldn't be easy to walk away from the White House, or his friends. All the same, easy or not, it wasn't easy to keep the pace he had been doing, or to have as little time with CJ as he did. Priorities alone made it almost impossible for them to have a single minute to themselves since the announcement.

"I was thinking though..." Leo sighed as he sat down on the sofa. "I was thinking that maybe I might resign in the very near future."

CJ's eyes widened. Although they had discussed it, in passing albeit, she never thought it would come up again with any degree of seriousness, let alone for real.

"I'm tired, CJ and I hate not being able to make it home some nights. I hate that I've had to cancel our plans twice this week so that I could take meetings with people I can't stand." Leo prepared for a battle. The last time it had come up, CJ had been opposed to the idea of him leaving the Chief of Staff's office.

"Are you doing this to save the headlines, or because you really don't want to do it anymore?" She hoped it was as fair a question as she had intended it to be. It wasn't her intention to corner him or to make him feel pressure over his decision, but at the same time, she didn't want him to do it for the wrong reasons.

"It's a little bit of both," he replied honestly. "I don't like seeing what they're saying about us, especially when that one article outlined our lives with a timeline, best illustrating how much older I am... But I don't like being this tired either. I'm old, CJ. I'm at that point where I need to slow down before something makes me slow down. And I don't want to be too tired to enjoy us." His eyes searched hers, hoping she understood where he was coming from. He couldn't exactly blame her for not taking his decision at face value.

"You're not that much older than me," CJ said, though she knew the argument was lost on him. "And it doesn't matter what they say," she told him, as much for herself as for him. She couldn't deny the fact that as of late, her concerns were more focused on what the press was saying than on what she was feeling.

"It does. But that's not what made my decision. I'm done, CJ. Jed doesn't need me anymore and it's my turn to enjoy some time off. If you don't mind, I'd like to retire."

She laughed, surprised that he had requested permission. When he looked at her with a wounded expression, she softened and moved over to the sofa. "I'm sorry. I just think it's cute that you're asking my permission." Taking his hand in hers, she couldn't believe they were having this conversation for real.

"Well, this involves you as much as it does me. I mean, once I retire, we might be the point of some more jokes. And you'd have to be willing to date a retiree, though I'll have you know I still intend to do some work. I think the lecture circuit will be able to support us quite easily."

Smiling, she wondered how anyone could not see how wonderful the man she loved was. "I think I'll enjoy having you mostly to myself."

"I'll have a young woman to come home to. People will think I'm a kept man," he grinned.

"Trust me, people who've seen the disclosure report will know the truth," CJ joked.

"So you're ok with it?"

"If that's what you want to do, I'm with you 100."

"Do you want to tell the President," Leo said, only half jokingly.

"Nuh uh. You're on your own," she said quickly. "But after you tell him, we can go home and I'll help you forget the lectures?"

"Deal," Leo agreed.

35

It was bad enough that the President was making a big deal of his resignation, but to be dragging him to the residence for a talking-to? Leo paced his office, wondering if there was any answer that would discourage his friend from fighting him on his decision.

Steeling himself in case it became an all-out battle, Leo realized that deciding to walk away from it all had been easier than he would have thought. He was already determined to leave, and no matter what the outcome of the conversation with the President was, Leo had no intention of changing his mind.

When CJ swung by earlier in the evening to make plans, it almost broke his heart to say that he had to stay late. It was even worse when he lied to her, telling her it was just to wrap up some 'stuff'. She hadn't questioned him, probably thinking that 'stuff' wasn't anything she could know about. Still, he hated prevaricating, even if it was a lie of omission.

And it was one more reason he needed to get out of there. He couldn't do that to his relationship with CJ anymore than he could keep telling himself that he wasn't tired and he wasn't feeling the pressure of his job.

"Damn it Leo, there's no need for you to resign!" It was rare that Jed Bartlet felt like a disobedient child stomping his feet, but somehow this was the exception. His best friend was making a decision that he was certain would be for the worst, and it seemed he had no control over it.

"Well, good evening to you too, Mr. President. How are you this evening?" Leo kept his voice level, despite being shocked by the greeting he received.

"Leo..."

"What? The honeymoon's over? We've dispensed with the pleasantries already?"

Jed's expression softened, though only slightly, and it gave Leo some hope that his _friend_ would understand what he had decided, even if the President didn't.

"There's no need for you to resign," he repeated, this time a little calmer.

"Maybe there's no need, but it's time. It's time I walked away," Leo said quietly.

Jed shook his head, trying to think of a rational reason his friend should listen to him. "There's been very little coverage on this—only a couple of articles, and nothing horrible in any of 'em."

"Sir, all due respect, there have been some pretty mean articles. And it doesn't look good for CJ to be dating her boss anymore so than it would for you or me to be dating our bosses, so it hasn't been easy on her. It's not been as bad as we anticipated, no, but it has been bad."

"Leo, if you and I were dating there would be a different kind of public outrage..." The off the cuff comment earned a grin from Leo, taking the anxiety and stress of the atmosphere down several notches.

"Which is something you'll need to deal with another day, but for today, I'm worried about CJ and me." With the sudden cease-fire, Leo figured it was safe to take a seat in the chair and relax a bit. It might have been a false sense of security, but he was hoping, little by little, his oldest friend would understand that his priorities had changed.

Jed sighed, deflated by the knowledge that he was about to lose his closest advisor. If leaving the White House was something that Leo wanted, then Jed knew he had no right to deny him that, no matter what he felt personally. "This will blow over, like every other storm. It always does, you know."

"But this time I want to walk away from the storm with all of my bits and pieces. I don't want to fight another battle and walk away in shambles. I'm not willing to take the chance of losing her, Jed. I don't know how long I'll have to be with CJ, but I don't want to lose a second of that precious time. I'm not going to forfeit happiness again, no matter how hard you fight me on this."

And there it was. In just as many words as it needed. For once it wasn't getting hidden behind being 'polite' or 'reasonable'. "You're not going to lose her," Jed assured him. "It's unbelievable the way she looks at you."

"I'm old. I'm old and tired, and in love and starting out all over again. Can you imagine how scary it is to be looking at your life in terms of how much time you have left with someone you love?"

"Yeah," Jed said, his own mortality and fears enough to offer him some clarity on his friend's feelings.

"Oh my God, Jed... I'm sorry. I was just thinking out loud. I didn't... I would never..." Leo barely managed to stammer, realizing what he had said, and to whom.

"No. Don't. It's fine." He raised his hand to stop his friend's apologies.

"I didn't mean..."

"Leo... How much do you want to bet that most men our age start thinking of life in terms of days and months and years instead of decades? Healthy or not, I doubt we're the only two men who think of our lives as if we're running out of time."

"Most men our ages aren't dating someone CJ's age."

"Most men wish they were, I'm sure."

Leo smiled, realizing that his friend was most likely right. "She's amazing, Jed. CJ's everything I could ever need and it's all right there."

"Then?"

"I want to spend time with her. I want to know that at the end of the day, I don't have to worry about a missile strike plan or security leaks. I want to be able to take her away and do things with her because I want to, and not because I need to apologize for something."

"You'll be apologizing a lot anyway." When Leo looked at him with confusion, Jed completed the thought. "I love you Leo, but you can get yourself in a lot of trouble."

Leo laughed at the way his friend made it sound as if he sometimes got into mischief.

"I need to leave and have time for her, and some time for me. And I want to have the time to do things that I've been meaning to do. It's a long time coming and I've earned it."

"You have," Jed agreed. Tapping his foot, he wondered if he was more upset about his friend resigning and leaving him behind, or if he was secretly just the littlest bit jealous that Leo was getting do something that he wouldn't mind having the opportunity to do. Eventually, he would want to have time just to enjoy his life, and as every day passed that 'eventually' got sooner and sooner.

"You understand why I'm doing this?" Leaning forward, Leo rested his elbows on his knees and waited for his friend's answer.

"I do."

"You gonna give me a hard time about it anymore?"

Jed shook his head. "You going to make an honest woman out of our CJ?"

Leo laughed. "The thought's crossed my mind. It's too soon though. It's all too soon. But the thought has taken up residence somewhere in the dark cavern that is my consciousness. We'll see."

"Should I be telling Abbey to start making plans?"

"Only if you want to terrify my girlfriend into breaking up with me! I don't think CJ's quite at that point yet, Sir."

"We're back to Sir now, are we?" Jed watched his friend stand, bringing himself to his feet a little shakily.

"I think it's appropriate," Leo said, smiling. "But soon things will change a little bit again."

"A little bit?" The President had a hard time believing that the departure of his Chief of Staff would be anything less than a complete shake up.

Shrugging, Leo grinned. "Everything changes eventually. I'm just trying to keep up with the times." And to a degree it was true, he realized. Some of what he was doing was in an attempt to get back into life like a normal person, but some of it was because he was at a point in his life where the changes seemed more insurmountable and having found someone to love, he couldn't fathom going the road alone.

36

On Leo's last day, the gang had thrown him a party in the residence and invited most of the West Wing staff. Everyone filtered in wearing comfortable, casual clothes, all smiling sweetly at the man they were saying goodbye to, even though there was an evident sadness in their eyes.

Leo, for his part, tried to speak to everyone and let them know that if they ever needed anything, he'd be a phone call away. It wasn't so hard to imagine that they'd all keep in good contact.

CJ looked on, watching the stream of people approach her lover and realized how much of an impact his presence had been on so many lives throughout the years. Her eyes swelled with tears every time someone new would wrap their arms around him in an unabashed hug.

"I'm not going that far," he'd remind them, though sometimes she wondered whose benefit he was saying it for.

The party dragged on into the late hours, with nobody really being willing to say goodbye to the guest of honor and the guest of honor enjoying having everyone in the same room one last time.

It was true that when it came down to it, he'd still be going to the major functions. CJ would be allowed to bring a 'date' even if she had to work for the better part of the evening, and he would be tagging along. But even with that knowledge, Leo felt equal parts joy and sadness.

The sadness he felt for leaving the West Wing was more than abundantly made up for by the realization that he had total freedom for the first time in his life. If he wanted to do something, there'd be very few things stopping him, and that appealed to Leo.

After all, retirement was his opportunity to do everything he ever wanted, and then some, and it would all begin with moving out of the hotel and settling into a 'grown up' life. He wouldn't eat out of boxes anymore, and he wouldn't live off of coffee.

If CJ didn't mind, he hoped to move into the brownstone (but only after making an appropriate investment in it) and rediscover domesticity. He'd want to buy proper kitchen utensils and maybe even upgrade some of the appliances.

Even though they were all small goals, they were things that made Leo feel incredibly blessed. Being able to do the things he hadn't done in decades was enough to seal the deal.

"Everyone," the President's voice boomed, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. "If I may have your attention."

Everyone's attention shifted towards Jed, and Leo broke from his thoughts, squeezing CJ's hand in his own.

"I just want to say a few things, and then I'll open the floor to anyone who wants to say something...I just want to say that tonight is hard for me. It's hard knowing that Monday morning when I come to work, my best friend won't be in the office next door, grumbling at me for not doing something or for maybe doing something I wasn't supposed to." Jed smiled, remembering the destruction he had inflicted on Leo's touring bike. "If it weren't for Leo, we wouldn't be standing here tonight, and I would probably be asleep right now at the farm... Come to think of it, it's Leo's fault that I've not slept in the better part of six years. But all the same, it's been more than worth it. If he hadn't had the faith in me, I don't know what would have happened. And it brought us all together. Leo assembled the most talented, brilliant team that anyone could ever ask for." Raising his glass, the President smiled before looking between Leo and CJ. They really were meant to be together, and how he didn't see it sooner, he'd never know. "Now, our friend is leaving to be a stay-at-home kinda guy, and we're here tonight to wish him well, but not say goodbye. He should know well enough by now that we're a pretty hard group to shake." Everyone laughed, though it looked as if Margaret was about to cry at any moment. CJ also looked overwhelmed, though she was putting on her best 'professional' face. "To Leo. For putting up with us for these years and for being the kind of friend every guy needs."

"To Leo," the group chorused.

CJ leaned in a placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before clearing her throat and drawing everyone's attention. "I just want to say how much it means to me that you're all here tonight, and I know how much it means to Leo. If you could have seen him getting ready for this, you would have been hard pressed to recognize him, because it was just as hard for him as it was for all of you. Leo's been there for everyone – all of us – and it's impossible to comprehend what we'll do here at work without him to slap us around from time to time." Smiling, she directed her attention toward Josh.

"Hey," he whined.

"What?" She grinned at him. "I never said anyone in particular." The teasing drew laughter from the group. "Anyway, I just want to say to Leo that it'll be hard not having him here at work to keep us all on a level keel, but I've never been more thankful in my entire life for anything or anyone, and having him to come home to makes everything easier." Series of sighs filled the room as CJ wrapped an arm around Leo's waist. "I just want to thank you all for being there for us when we needed you, and to let you know how much we love you all."

The President made his way over, pressing a kiss against CJ's forehead before looking to his friend, surprised to see Leo looking a little worse for wear. He was obviously finding the evening just as emotional as everyone else was.

Extending his hand, Jed leaned towards his friend. "You've got to make an honest woman of her – she keeps looking at you with googly eyes." Drawing a laugh from Leo, the crowd wondered what the President had said that was so funny. "Soon," was the reply they heard, though to what they had no clue.

"Come on, everybody, let's have some fun. Abbey's brought all sorts of goodies," the President encouraged.

As their friends returned their attention to banter and otherwise oblivious chit-chat, CJ leaned in closer to Leo, a curious expression on her face. "Whatever he said to you, should I be worried?"

Leo shook his head. "No worries," he assured her.

"When you say it like that, I have to wonder."

"Nah...Is this party almost over?"

CJ laughed at the tone of his voice. He obviously had other things in mind.

"As much as I'm enjoying spending time with everyone, I'd like to spend some time with my best gal, and I've got a whole weekend to have her to myself before I have to send her back to work." Leo offered her his best grin—one that spread to his eyes and made her heart melt.

"Well, I think we should put in another half hour at least, and then reassess the situation. But I like the way you think."

Leo nodded, taking one last look around the room at their friends. As hard as it was to leave them, he knew that they'd all be ok. They were fighters and always came out on top and this was no exception.

And as for his life, Leo was quite happy with the way things were turning out. It seemed that for all the talk of second chances, he was getting yet another one, and for that he knew he'd be eternally grateful.

"A half hour?" Leo knew he was being impatient, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to wrap his arms around CJ and hold her, and he could hardly do that at a party.

CJ laughed. "You really are anxious, aren't you?" Watching him shrug, CJ saw the true desire evident in his eyes. "All right. I'll get us out of here." Freeing her hand from his, she made her way over to the President and the First Lady, and in only a minute she was returning to him, her face tinged red.

"Apparently they know how to read us all too well," CJ said under her breath, as she extended her hand to him, encouraging him to stand and join her.

"Should I ask?"

"No, really. You shouldn't," CJ laughed. "But let's go home."

It was perfect, Leo realized. When he was with CJ, everything made sense, and all those unpaid mistakes seemed to loom a little further from his consciousness. She knew him, flawed and scarred as he was, and knew what she was getting. In turn, he knew that he had to thank God every day for bringing the exceptional woman into his life and he had to teach her how to deal with old battle wounds.

Wrapping his arm snuggly around her waist, he grinned, before waving to his friends. A couple people cat-called (one of whom he was certain was the First Lady, though he didn't want to think that much about it) and a few others dabbed at their eyes, obviously still dealing with his departure.

He was going home, with a beautiful woman, and he was going to make her the happiest woman alive, at any cost.

Leo may have retired from his professional career, but life seemed fuller now than it had in many years, and for once it was a matter of living and not surviving.


End file.
